Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

Rox, I missed these last parts, I didn't see you posting again. Probably when I was off site with some home problems. But it didn't take a moment for me to remember them all. This is a grand chapter, now I don't have to wait to see how the men react now. Yay!!! they are back!! :)Sandra x x

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018

Thank you Sandra =}

Comment from Shirley E Kennedy

Exceptional

Hi Roxanna,
Your novel is progressing so well.
Another fine chapter unfolds with much interest and rising unrest.
You have provided intriguing hooks to the next chapter as
Nyla, Augdon and Joshua have much to settle.
Very enjoyable.
Blessings
Shirley

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2018

Thank you Shirley. =}

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

I am happy to see the story continue. Goran certainly has much to regret when it comes to Nyla. Who knows, if he had stood up to the council and kept her close he may have proved he was worthy to be their head? Instead his sacrifice was for nothing.
Hopefully, these men decided to overcome their pride and join the mountain people in battle.
Excellent sense of place and setting. The characters come to life.

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018

Thanks so much. I've been struggling with these last few chapters, so is good to hear they make sense. =] Rox

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

I haven't seen any of the other chapters, but judging from this one, I should have read them all. The writing is excellent without errors of any kind. The dialog is crisp with no wasted words.

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018

Thanks so much. I have been really struggling to get this finished, not feeling it is well done, so this is very encouraging.Thank you again. Rox

Comment from robyn corum

Good

Rox,

A very powerful speech which should motivate these men to SOME action. What will it be? That should be the question now. Very nice and tight writing, though I did spot a few nits that need attention:

1.) He'd moved her far from Wahaland with no contact in ll these year
--> what does this mean?

2.) He knew his sons visited Nyla every/day at the little dwelling

3.) He watched her eyes (as they) slid over him and flashed away

4.) "What do you mean, you come on Valdig('s) behalf?" Valtar interrupted,

5.) He had left without even a backward look or goodbye.
--> sort of contradicts his memory of seeing her last moments leaving

6.) asked Goran, avoiding an answer to Augdon('s) invitation to meet

7.) You must know these things, yet you keep (them) to yourself.

8.) They will destroy (them) all."

9.) They will destroy it all."
"They add to their numbers
--> remove the q mark at the end of the previous paragraph to show it's the same person talking, please

Thanks! Enjoyed!

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018

Weird, I made a lot of these corrections already, I wonder why they didn't stick? Oh well, I'll do it again I guess. Thanks so much for the view and helps. I'll have another look at it.=} Rox

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Exceptional

They made it to the Council and Augdon has related why they are there. He warns them The Horde will kill and enslave all of them unless they join together to fight. Goran was surprised to see his daughter and concerned about his grandson. What will the council decide? Well done Roxy. Nancy

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018

Thanks so much Nancy. Rox

Comment from Angela Hayes

Excellent

Good read very interesting, Heroic, well presented, professional, good image to match, good story line, flows, powerful words, creative use of words, artistic and flamboyant, well balanced.

little error ( Valley and he'd had little to say) > he had little to say. 10th part from the bottom.

Good Luck!

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018

Thank you so much. Rox

reply by Angela Hayes on 26-Jun-2018

You're welcome! :)

Comment from meeshu

Excellent

I really like this story, it is the first I've read of it I think. there certainly is lots of action and adventure, and a Horde. nice job, Roxanna.......meeshu

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018

Thanks so much Meeshu. =}

Comment from Alexander Vasa

Excellent

Hello Roxanna, such a good action fantasy fiction, a really free genre that is only limited by your imagination. The call to arms here. Always a good story and your main character is easy to visualize and very strong. I like the dialogue between the men as they tried to persuade him of the dire need to join the fight/cause.

The only thing I noticed is this:

Goran had not seen his daughter since she was seventeen. He'd moved her far from Wahaland and had not seen her since

You use 'had not seen' twice in quick succession, I found that jarring so close together and suggest one be edited out. Just a thought.

I also think 'mood' would be a better word to use for gauging the climate in the room at the end. I always associate temperament with a singular entity, maybe my bad, but once again, I am just pointing out what I noticed. Overall, a great story and it was sad to hear how his daughter was sent away. Chers, ANa.

Cheers, adn thnks for sharing your story, Ana.

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018

Thanks so much dear. I'll have a look at what you pointed out. Thanks for the helps. Have a great day. Rox

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I don't understand fo the life of me why anyone could turn their back on their daughter, but of course it's a story, and in some cultures they can actually do this. One wonders if the Wahaland people will join Augdon and Joshua in their fight against the horde.excellent scribing Roxanna, a very good series, good plot, characters and customs. Great creation, well dine, blessings, Roy
Typo : He nor his sons (n)ever believed. 2: He felt her eyes slid(e) over him 3: "What do you mean, you come on Valdig('s) behalf?"

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018

Thanks so much Roy and for the helps. I get those fixed. Rox.

reply by royowen on 26-Jun-2018

Well done