GULBRANDR- God's Sword
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Joshua's Detour"A child is born who will be a champion
10 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Roxanna,
Another fibne chapter written clearly and precisely.
It seems that both Joshua and the blue dragon have much in common.Both observe their mother from a distance, know little about her and appear to be each on a quest.
Perhaps now their roads will meet and answers will be found.
:-)Shirley
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Hi Roxanna,
Another fibne chapter written clearly and precisely.
It seems that both Joshua and the blue dragon have much in common.Both observe their mother from a distance, know little about her and appear to be each on a quest.
Perhaps now their roads will meet and answers will be found.
:-)Shirley
Comment Written 29-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Thanks so much Shirley.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A good continuation of the piece. I wonder who these men are who have been waiting?
He tighten his grip on her - tightened.
There does seem to be some very significant time jumps during this story. It may be better to come up with some way of signifying these for the reader as is the case here, it feels like you've missed something.
they roamed the country side - countryside can be a single word here.
She still felt his presences. - just presence.
Joshua grew up happy in his uncle Drakes home - Drake's.
At twelve she sent his fathers sword and bow - father's.
sire of his fathers black stallion - father's.
horse and as black a midnight - black as.
it seemed to be in the middle of no where - nowhere can be a single word here.
and a huge mountain cat leap to attack - leapt.
boats for the goods they could get no where else - nowhere.
Even the biggest and most vicious dogs was still no match - were rather than was as dogs is plural.
it scales shined with an iridescent light, - its scales shone.
Joshua scrambled back further - generally speaking it's farther for distance.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Hi there,
A good continuation of the piece. I wonder who these men are who have been waiting?
He tighten his grip on her - tightened.
There does seem to be some very significant time jumps during this story. It may be better to come up with some way of signifying these for the reader as is the case here, it feels like you've missed something.
they roamed the country side - countryside can be a single word here.
She still felt his presences. - just presence.
Joshua grew up happy in his uncle Drakes home - Drake's.
At twelve she sent his fathers sword and bow - father's.
sire of his fathers black stallion - father's.
horse and as black a midnight - black as.
it seemed to be in the middle of no where - nowhere can be a single word here.
and a huge mountain cat leap to attack - leapt.
boats for the goods they could get no where else - nowhere.
Even the biggest and most vicious dogs was still no match - were rather than was as dogs is plural.
it scales shined with an iridescent light, - its scales shone.
Joshua scrambled back further - generally speaking it's farther for distance.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Thank you for all the help, I'm glad another reads my stuff and sees my boo boos as I never seem to. =} I know it is a big jump in time, but I felt it might get a bit mundane going year by year of Joshua's life. I hope to fill in the gaps with think this man he has met will say and his mother. If you don't feel it does, let me know. Thank you for all the time you took. Rox
Comment from Zue65
The story of dragons, the wandering swordsmen and adventurous and gallant women, fantastic adventure and conquests, all these and more flavor most fantasy fiction narratives like yours. This post is one magical adventure. I will wait for the next post.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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The story of dragons, the wandering swordsmen and adventurous and gallant women, fantastic adventure and conquests, all these and more flavor most fantasy fiction narratives like yours. This post is one magical adventure. I will wait for the next post.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thank you. =}
Comment from Debbie Pope
I will write these notes as they occur to me in reading. My first major thought was--thank goodness Hamish did not get Joshua. I had wondered if Nyla would turn him over. Second, I love that you are still tracking the dragon story along with the major plot line. Both Joshua and the Blue Dragon want their mother. Ironically, Nyla would give anything to see Joshua while the Dyster's mom would kill him. The way that you interweave the stories foretells and raises anticipation for a meeting between Joshua and Dyster. Third, it is great that Dyster becomes friends with the cat who attacked him. You are really making me like Dyster. Fourth, and finally, I think they are about to meet. Someone has been waiting for both of them. You really surprised me with the giant on top of the dragon. Is the man that Dyster meets a giant as well? He doesn't appear to be since the door is small. This is really good Roxanna. I apologize for the disjointed review. I thought that you might like my impressions as I got to them.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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I will write these notes as they occur to me in reading. My first major thought was--thank goodness Hamish did not get Joshua. I had wondered if Nyla would turn him over. Second, I love that you are still tracking the dragon story along with the major plot line. Both Joshua and the Blue Dragon want their mother. Ironically, Nyla would give anything to see Joshua while the Dyster's mom would kill him. The way that you interweave the stories foretells and raises anticipation for a meeting between Joshua and Dyster. Third, it is great that Dyster becomes friends with the cat who attacked him. You are really making me like Dyster. Fourth, and finally, I think they are about to meet. Someone has been waiting for both of them. You really surprised me with the giant on top of the dragon. Is the man that Dyster meets a giant as well? He doesn't appear to be since the door is small. This is really good Roxanna. I apologize for the disjointed review. I thought that you might like my impressions as I got to them.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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It is a great review. Thank you so much. All the mountain people are usually tall, the smaller door is easier to go thru than opening the large gates. Though Dyster would fit through it but he can fly. =} That was just in my head, maybe I should note it in the story. A lot more will be revealed in the next 2 chapters which I will post as soon as I make enough member bucks to do so. I have to read, read, read. =} Thank you again for the great review. Rox
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You are more than welcome
Comment from Artasylum
"But Dyster, restless, looked ever to the north, something called him. His companion would often watch him pace the cave then look out the mouth and make a mournful sound. One day Dyster grabbed the cat by his scruff and took to the air, heading north. He came to a stone fortress carved from the mountain top. He landed before massive wooden doors. He dropped the cat and waited. After a time a smaller door carved in the rock wall opened and man walked out."
This is a very, fun and well written fantasy story and loved that there was a happy ending (at least for now).
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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"But Dyster, restless, looked ever to the north, something called him. His companion would often watch him pace the cave then look out the mouth and make a mournful sound. One day Dyster grabbed the cat by his scruff and took to the air, heading north. He came to a stone fortress carved from the mountain top. He landed before massive wooden doors. He dropped the cat and waited. After a time a smaller door carved in the rock wall opened and man walked out."
This is a very, fun and well written fantasy story and loved that there was a happy ending (at least for now).
Comment Written 24-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much. =}
Comment from Swampfox1
It held my interest very well. I like the layout and I like the suspense. There are some minor mistakes here and there. At least give that I counted. This is but one: "and sinew. He skin was tanned, making his stark white". There are at least four others similar to it. Good reading, even though it is not my type of story.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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It held my interest very well. I like the layout and I like the suspense. There are some minor mistakes here and there. At least give that I counted. This is but one: "and sinew. He skin was tanned, making his stark white". There are at least four others similar to it. Good reading, even though it is not my type of story.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your review. I will look it over and see where I duplicated my description. Thank you for letting me know. I'm glad you like it though not your type of reading. Roxanna
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I did not mean duplicate as in your description, I meant similar mistakes in different sentences. You're welcome
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Oh, sorry I misunderstood. I need to read more carefully. =} I can read my stories 100x and not see my errors. Thats why it is good to have others read it. Thank you for explaining. Rox
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Cool. What I find to be very helpful, and what I was taught in Creative Writing, by an in resident poet at the university is to wait several days , let is sit for several days and then read it again. Then, everything is like looking at it from a third party point of view.
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Good idea. =}
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is building up to a very interesting story Roxy. Who is the giant man and how come he was waiting for Joshua and Dyster? I am anxious to know what is going on. Love it. Dyster took the cat with him. Good companions. Well done Roxy. Nancy
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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This is building up to a very interesting story Roxy. Who is the giant man and how come he was waiting for Joshua and Dyster? I am anxious to know what is going on. Love it. Dyster took the cat with him. Good companions. Well done Roxy. Nancy
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much Nancy.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is so good, Rox, a wonderful story, I love it!! It's all coming together now, the meeting of some group that includes the dragon, the cat, Joshua, and the unknown man. I hope Nyla is included in this group because they sound like they belong together. Love it, my friend! Can't wait for the next part. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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This is so good, Rox, a wonderful story, I love it!! It's all coming together now, the meeting of some group that includes the dragon, the cat, Joshua, and the unknown man. I hope Nyla is included in this group because they sound like they belong together. Love it, my friend! Can't wait for the next part. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018
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I would never leave Nyla out. =} Thank you so much for the 6 stars. So good of you. I am happy you are enjoying it. Very encouraging since you are such a good author. Rox
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
He landed before massive wooden doors. He dropped the cat and waited. After a time a smaller door carved in the rock wall opened and man walked out.
"Welcome Dyster, we have been waiting for you." Another amazing write from you. Is there no end to your talents? Amazing work I have to say I am very impressed. Kindest and warmest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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He landed before massive wooden doors. He dropped the cat and waited. After a time a smaller door carved in the rock wall opened and man walked out.
"Welcome Dyster, we have been waiting for you." Another amazing write from you. Is there no end to your talents? Amazing work I have to say I am very impressed. Kindest and warmest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much Meia. I have many ends to my talent. =} Roxanna
Comment from Pamusart
"out and jumped on his horse which he nudge into a run."
I think nudge should be nudged.
Interesting. The last chapter I read was when Joshua was born. I missed 16 years! This kept my attention. I look forward to reading future chapters
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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"out and jumped on his horse which he nudge into a run."
I think nudge should be nudged.
Interesting. The last chapter I read was when Joshua was born. I missed 16 years! This kept my attention. I look forward to reading future chapters
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Yes we move up 16yrs. I didn't think a blow by blow of each year would be too interesting. =] Kids are great, but lets face it they'er not that interesting. =} Kidding. They are a source of endless entertainment. There are nuggets of his childhood weaved thru out the other chapter. Thank you so much. Rox