Rose Garden
A Japanese Choka6 total reviews
Comment from patcelaw
June, this is beautifully presented and the wording is elegant. It was a joy to read and now to review. Many blessings to you for a wonder filled week, Patricia
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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June, this is beautifully presented and the wording is elegant. It was a joy to read and now to review. Many blessings to you for a wonder filled week, Patricia
Comment Written 02-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Glad you enjoyed the read. Have been trying out a few different types of poetry. Fun challenging myself.
Comment from tfawcus
A Japanese form that I've not encountered before. I like the extended form better than the more cryptic haiku. Ending with two seven syllable lines brings the sequence to a satisfying conclusion. I wondered a bit about your choice of the verb 'glued' in the context. I would perhaps have chosen something that comes more easily undone when the heart warms! Perhaps 'clasped' would better suggest a voluntary holding in of emotion. Just a thought.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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A Japanese form that I've not encountered before. I like the extended form better than the more cryptic haiku. Ending with two seven syllable lines brings the sequence to a satisfying conclusion. I wondered a bit about your choice of the verb 'glued' in the context. I would perhaps have chosen something that comes more easily undone when the heart warms! Perhaps 'clasped' would better suggest a voluntary holding in of emotion. Just a thought.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Had trouble with that line. Still thinking about it. Thank you, as always, for your insights. Was looking for something other than a haiku format. This was a classic Japanese form of poetry used to tell stories in court. Hence, it could be of any length, but had to adhere to that rhyme scheme.
Comment from zanya
Interesting format the Choka- haven't come across it before - serves well here to express the fulsome, life-giving emotion that is a great love and lovely pic
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Interesting format the Choka- haven't come across it before - serves well here to express the fulsome, life-giving emotion that is a great love and lovely pic
Comment Written 02-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Thank you! Have been trying new forms of poetry.
Comment from DR DIP
I liked the simile of heart closed like a bud and our love is a secret garden I really like the words throughout this poem June it reflects your talent as a writer Thanks for sharing
dip
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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I liked the simile of heart closed like a bud and our love is a secret garden I really like the words throughout this poem June it reflects your talent as a writer Thanks for sharing
dip
Comment Written 02-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
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Thanks, Dip. It is a poem that may not appeal to everyone, but to those who are romantic at heart. Just wanted to try s new type of poetry.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting poem you have penned about the beautiful rose garden. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. Great job. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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This is a very interesting poem you have penned about the beautiful rose garden. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. Great job. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Thank you!
Comment from lyenochka
Really lovely, June! I like how you used all the flower terms to talk about the effects of love on the heart and how the happiness is the product of that love and the garden as their relationship.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Really lovely, June! I like how you used all the flower terms to talk about the effects of love on the heart and how the happiness is the product of that love and the garden as their relationship.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Thank you for your kind consideration. I enjoyed this new form of poetry.
