Youthful Lust
Monorhyme contest3 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Hey, there, young feller. You'll be there yourself one day. Excellent work with your rhyme. You even get in some internal rhyme! The rhyming words all work in very well. Crusty joints grind to rust--I can relate to that and have had hip replacement to prove it. Excellent warning in the last line. There will come a time when young people will experience the effects of aging, too. You might work on your syllable count, as it varies a bit from line to line.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016
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Hey, there, young feller. You'll be there yourself one day. Excellent work with your rhyme. You even get in some internal rhyme! The rhyming words all work in very well. Crusty joints grind to rust--I can relate to that and have had hip replacement to prove it. Excellent warning in the last line. There will come a time when young people will experience the effects of aging, too. You might work on your syllable count, as it varies a bit from line to line.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016
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Thank you, Judiverse. I appreciate your feedback. Patricia
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Hi, Patricia, and you're very welcome. judi
Comment from Ryn
Very well done. You followed the correct format and pulled off a unique and cleaver poem. The artwork works, a tad bit scary! Good topic and choice of wording.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
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Very well done. You followed the correct format and pulled off a unique and cleaver poem. The artwork works, a tad bit scary! Good topic and choice of wording.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
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Thank you, Ryn. I appreciate your positive feedback.
Patricia
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Patricia. Good to see you post again. Getting old is just a matter of time and as you oindicate there is no way around it. Might as well roll with the punches and let the young stuff fade away a little at a time.
Your poem is a very good rhyming piece of work, too.
Blessings. Bob
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
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Hi, Patricia. Good to see you post again. Getting old is just a matter of time and as you oindicate there is no way around it. Might as well roll with the punches and let the young stuff fade away a little at a time.
Your poem is a very good rhyming piece of work, too.
Blessings. Bob
Comment Written 09-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
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Thank you, Bob. It's always good to hear from you. Congratulations on all your publishing successes since I was last on FanStory. Patricia
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Thankyou. Yes and theyn are not self published either. I am very proud and happy of course. I have been autographing with personal messages inside to many here on FS. Of course I had to disable them befoire I got them published, so they are no longer here on the site. so nice of you to notice. Bless you, Patricia. Bob