Comment from l.raven

Excellent

Hi Shirley, we are getting cool here...going into Fall...it's beautiful in color...and the ...yes ...Winter...I love your poem sweet girl...and your picture is beautiful...a wonderful garden you have...very nicely written...Love ya Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2016

Thanks Linda.
I appreciate your review.
Autumn is indeed a very colourful season but where I live
we get strong south westerlies and I hate strong winds and
the biting chill they bring.
I'm a bit hard to please... this is definitely my time of year.
:-) Shirley

reply by l.raven on 01-Oct-2016

HI Shirley...we are just cooling down now...you are so very welcome my friend...love Linda xxoo Love

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Shirley

= Beautifully written, and love your garden!
= Here in the Arizona desert our winters are mild--only have to use the furnace a few times to take the chill off--that's it. (*<*)
= Of course, we pay in the summer with triple digits. We're still in the high 90's, moving into Autumn.
= Nice to see you pop up. (*<*)

<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings <> Jax
<> Published as <> Jacqueline M Franklin

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2016

Hi Jax,
lovely to hear from you and I appreciate your review.
This is definitely my time of year...very mild, colourful and plenty of daylight.
:-) Shirley

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

A very nice poem Shirley. It was smooth as silk when I read it. No stumbles and the imagery was very good. You are so lucky to be experiencing the onset of spring. Enjoy my friend. Well done. Nancy Pretty flowers!

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2016

Thanks so much Nancy.
I appreciate your review
I hope all is well with you.
I have been off-site for some time so hope to catch up with reviews soon.
:-) Shirley

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

SEcond review


Good work--flows better. Just a couple more ideas on second read:

In early morn(,) the frost will fall
as snow white coating covers all.

Another option for second stanza:

Strong winds are gusting from the west
and fallen leaves are tossed to rest.
as they are thrown about in haste.
A tidy up seems such a waste.

Another option for third stanza is to make it one sentence starting with WHEN:

When winterâ??s march is fading fast
and lure of spring has come at last,
â??tis then bright blooms of many hues
will sweep away the winter â??blues.â??





First review (Four stars)





Happy Spring to you! Your contentment and joy shine through this poem. Well-timed and finely rhymed, this sounds good read aloud, especially with the masterful poetic phonetics. I like how your first four rhymes all share L's and the net for all share ST, while three of the next group share P, and the next S. This inking of sounds between the two rhyme pairs in most stanzas augments the musical feel of the piece. The smattering of alliteration augments it further.

Nice alliteration of A and C in this stanza:

The night air holds a bitter chill
and all around the air is still.
In early morn the frost will fall
as snow white coating covers all.

Fine alliteration of W:
Strong winds are gusting from the west


*optional suggestion:
As they are thrown about in haste(,)
to tidy up is such a waste.

Nice internal rhyme here:
Cold air will chill my fingertips


This stanza (below) has good flow but somewhat forced scansion on the words beckons and colours:

Soon(,) winter's march is fading fast
and lure of spring beckons at last.
'Tis then colours of many hues
will sweep away the winter 'blues.'

Beckons usually accentuates the first, not second syllable.

BECKons not beckONS

COLours, not colOURS

This meter issue is the reason for a four. The spag is partly a reason too, but I would not have downgraded only for the spag. With edits, this could border on a six for all those fine phonetics!


*love the alliteration and consonance of W in this stanza (note one comma nit):

When winter's icy winds turn warm(,)
into my garden bees will swarm.
Contentment fills my heart with grace
as I gaze at this magic place.

I'll be glad to make a second review if you revise the meter in that stanza.

Loved this!

Enjoyed.



Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2016

Thank you for taking the time to provide such a detailed review.
I truly appreciate it.
I have made changes to the sections you have drawn attention to and admit the flow is much better.
:-) Shirley

reply by rama devi on 30-Sep-2016

Yay! thanks for your gracious response. So glad to be of service. Will make a second review now...
Warmly, rd

reply by rama devi on 30-Sep-2016

PS--upgraded...also made a few more optional suggestions.

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2016

Thank you. Much appreciated.
:-)

reply by rama devi on 30-Sep-2016

My pleasure, dear. Blessings, rd

Comment from evesayshi

Excellent

In my opinion, it is a magic place and the writing, too, is magic - spoken in beautiful rhyming and smooth cadence, it is reminiscent of the poetic masters...

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2016

Thank you.
I appreciate your time and review.
Your positive review is most uplifting.
:-) Shirley

reply by evesayshi on 30-Sep-2016

You are so welcome, Shirley - thank you for the lovely read...