Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Piano Man"Poems /stories on Fanstory
21 total reviews
Comment from misscookie
I just received a new computer from my go- daughter it's suppose to be easier for senior or people with memory problems.
Well by time I learnt and still learning how to use this thing the deadline was over.
I'm glad to get into the next poem water spray mine was called "Misty waters" I hope you have a chance to read it.
I love the words to your poem it brought back memories when the family gather at the piano see some of the member tickled the ivory.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2016
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I just received a new computer from my go- daughter it's suppose to be easier for senior or people with memory problems.
Well by time I learnt and still learning how to use this thing the deadline was over.
I'm glad to get into the next poem water spray mine was called "Misty waters" I hope you have a chance to read it.
I love the words to your poem it brought back memories when the family gather at the piano see some of the member tickled the ivory.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 19-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2016
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Hi Cookie. thanks so much for your review and I am glad to have brought back memories for you . I will probably miss the next challenge ( but I will try and read all the entries have a little going on at the moment and so havent been on FS for last week and will get back on with everything in a couple of weeks ( Brother in Hospital heart surgery he is good though) so Cheers and enjoy the challenge I will read your poem ASAP Cheers Christine😃
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Hi Cookie. thanks so much for your review and I am glad to have brought back memories for you . I will probably miss the next challenge ( but I will try and read all the entries have a little going on at the moment and so havent been on FS for last week and will get back on with everything in a couple of weeks ( Brother in Hospital heart surgery he is good though) so Cheers and enjoy the challenge I will read your poem ASAP Cheers Christine😃
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Hi Cookie. thanks so much for your review and I am glad to have brought back memories for you . I will probably miss the next challenge ( but I will try and read all the entries have a little going on at the moment and so havent been on FS for last week and will get back on with everything in a couple of weeks ( Brother in Hospital heart surgery he is good though) so Cheers and enjoy the challenge I will read your poem ASAP Cheers Christine😃
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I will miss you my friend and can't wait for your return.
I glad to hear the wonderful news that your brother is doing fine.
praise God he's with you for the New year.
God is good all the time and all time time God is Good.
Have a blessed time away.
Cookie
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Thanks Cookie your words are much appreciated
Jim is doing well we are pleased
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is lovely. It serves as a tribute to the music hall piano man. The last stanza where the music can still be heard is great. I enjoyed your poem, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016
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This is lovely. It serves as a tribute to the music hall piano man. The last stanza where the music can still be heard is great. I enjoyed your poem, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 07-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016
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Hi Debbie, thank you for your review and lovely comments . Yes I thought I could hear him too LOL woth appreciation and Cheers Christine😃
Comment from ciliverde
Nice job on this lyric cat, you did the form proud! The image sure does inspire a lot of nostalgic memories, doesn't it? You did a great job with the meter, and the rhymes, with a couple of near-rhymes that work well.
A great interpretation of the wonderful picture!
Carol
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016
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Nice job on this lyric cat, you did the form proud! The image sure does inspire a lot of nostalgic memories, doesn't it? You did a great job with the meter, and the rhymes, with a couple of near-rhymes that work well.
A great interpretation of the wonderful picture!
Carol
Comment Written 06-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016
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Hi Carol Thank very much for your lovely review and encouraging words and yes this image does bring back the old memories and I had fun writing this it is quite a challenging style but I am glad it worked. With Cheers my friend Christine😃
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I remember those days with longing, how I wish I could go back for just one more evening, listening to the piano man. You have really captured this picture well, Chrissy, it is a beautiful poem, and I must make a note of this style that Cat invented, (she is soooo clever!) and try it out. I really enjoyed your poem, it was a pleasure to read. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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I remember those days with longing, how I wish I could go back for just one more evening, listening to the piano man. You have really captured this picture well, Chrissy, it is a beautiful poem, and I must make a note of this style that Cat invented, (she is soooo clever!) and try it out. I really enjoyed your poem, it was a pleasure to read. :) Sandra
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Thanks Sandra as was yours ( loved it ) IAm glad I evoked these memories and yes wouldn't it be nice to sit and listen to a true piano man in fine form captivating his audiences. This is fun to write about these images and creates such fine work. With grateful Cheers Christine😃
Comment from Pantygynt
It is lovely to see this interesting and challenging form being taken on into 2016. If this is your first attempt at a lyricat then it is a very creditable effort. I think I had to write about four of them before I got them to flow as I wanted. They can turn out rather choppy - enjambment is the answer get the meaning overflowing the linear pattern.
The only problems I can find here are broken rules - some say rules were meant to be broken, but not I think in the lyricat.
Lines six and eight of each stanza are supposed to rhyme. Yours do except for some reason in the fourth stanza:
"shouted it out loud
When that music hall piano man
Played them an encore."
I know American English and UK English pronunciations vary but there is no way I can get even an approximate rhyme on loud/encore. I can think of a couple of ways out of this one:
A. "Shouted out for more
When that music hall piano man
Played them an encore."
Or B. "Shouted it out loud
When that music hall piano man
Played it to the crowd."
In the fifth stanza you have written:
"But I can still hear
Him playing in my mind," ( There are 6 syllables here, 1 more than allowed).
This is more easily corrected by:
"But I still hear him
Playing in my mind"
End of problem.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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It is lovely to see this interesting and challenging form being taken on into 2016. If this is your first attempt at a lyricat then it is a very creditable effort. I think I had to write about four of them before I got them to flow as I wanted. They can turn out rather choppy - enjambment is the answer get the meaning overflowing the linear pattern.
The only problems I can find here are broken rules - some say rules were meant to be broken, but not I think in the lyricat.
Lines six and eight of each stanza are supposed to rhyme. Yours do except for some reason in the fourth stanza:
"shouted it out loud
When that music hall piano man
Played them an encore."
I know American English and UK English pronunciations vary but there is no way I can get even an approximate rhyme on loud/encore. I can think of a couple of ways out of this one:
A. "Shouted out for more
When that music hall piano man
Played them an encore."
Or B. "Shouted it out loud
When that music hall piano man
Played it to the crowd."
In the fifth stanza you have written:
"But I can still hear
Him playing in my mind," ( There are 6 syllables here, 1 more than allowed).
This is more easily corrected by:
"But I still hear him
Playing in my mind"
End of problem.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Hi Pantygynt and thank you very much for reading and your helpful comments and I have corrected both issues. I think sometimes I change from one thought to another as in loud and encore and re arrange my stanzas or words and this one slipped my attention as the original draft would have rhymed as I am a bit of a stickler to get the rules right.
Also I must have miscounted my syllables although I put each line through a syllable counter but still sometime they are not always accurate. and you are quite right I did have 6 syllables and not 5 so thanks for that pick up also I went with your last suggestion.
I am always grateful for astute reviewers to pick up the errors and don't mind at all accepting good advice and you obviously are very well versed in the skill of writing
And I thank you for your lovely comment re my first time lyricat it is quite difficult to get the flow with the rule and syllable requirements but if anything I like a challenge and can't wait to do some other differnent styles this year ( But wait did I have another life somewhere LOL)
So thanks for everything and most of all for reading this in the first place
Cheers Christine😀
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Eyes closed I can see
Great times to applaud
When this music hall piano man
Played on his keyboard.
such an impressive poem - the words,
and both rhythm and rhyme flowing smoothly
throughout - so apt for the lovely artwork
most enjoyable, Christine.
Margaret
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Eyes closed I can see
Great times to applaud
When this music hall piano man
Played on his keyboard.
such an impressive poem - the words,
and both rhythm and rhyme flowing smoothly
throughout - so apt for the lovely artwork
most enjoyable, Christine.
Margaret
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Oh wow Margaret. Thank you so much for your absolutely lovely review and generous 6 stars. I am so glad you enjoyed my humble effort and appreciate your time and endearing comments. With much happiness Cheers Christine
Comment from I am Cat
Hey! You DID write one! ;) WEll, aren't you clever! ;)
I must say, I LOVE the fact that you've written a LyriCat for this! Wow!
I'm honored! Thanks so much Christine and you've done a bang up job! (that's Texan for "GREAT JOB") ;)
I have only one question: the rhyme of: applaud/keyboard (they don't rhyme in Texas... do they rhyme in Australia?) lol
I suggest the following (respectfully)
Eyes closed I can (hear)
(Every note and chord)
When this music hall piano man
Played on his keyboard.
;) that will meet the rhyme and syllable requirements. ;)
Of course you may choose to keep it the same, but it's up to you.
I'm just really pleased you wrote one and I think it's lovely! Thank you so much for this great honor!
Love and laughter to you,
Cat
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Hey! You DID write one! ;) WEll, aren't you clever! ;)
I must say, I LOVE the fact that you've written a LyriCat for this! Wow!
I'm honored! Thanks so much Christine and you've done a bang up job! (that's Texan for "GREAT JOB") ;)
I have only one question: the rhyme of: applaud/keyboard (they don't rhyme in Texas... do they rhyme in Australia?) lol
I suggest the following (respectfully)
Eyes closed I can (hear)
(Every note and chord)
When this music hall piano man
Played on his keyboard.
;) that will meet the rhyme and syllable requirements. ;)
Of course you may choose to keep it the same, but it's up to you.
I'm just really pleased you wrote one and I think it's lovely! Thank you so much for this great honor!
Love and laughter to you,
Cat
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Hi Cat see told you I would LOL. and yes applaud and keyboard do rhyme in Australia they are both pronounced to sound like OR-D. it must be the accent on certain syllables. We are a strange bunch in Aussie but thanks for your suggestion (Now I know why someone else commented on my use of keyboard as a last rhyme) But I did have fun and quite challenging to di a lyricat and I am very pleased you thought it lovely. Love and laughter to you too Christine
Comment from Leineco
Very nice job finding the hook of "back then" in writing
this poem :-) You brought back to life the heyday of
this piano's career . . . and your own fond memories
of that time :-)
Nice one Chrissy :-)
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Very nice job finding the hook of "back then" in writing
this poem :-) You brought back to life the heyday of
this piano's career . . . and your own fond memories
of that time :-)
Nice one Chrissy :-)
Comment Written 04-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Thank you very much leineco for your great input for my poem for this image, I tired to recreate what I thought a proper music hall would be like more in the 1930's, 0r 40.s (a little before my time but I hope my imagination helped set that' back then' scene . With a big cheers you way Christine
Comment from royowen
Well done Christine, I think you've done extremely well in this at poem, the meter and the articulate language, speak beautifully through your smooth and skilfull pen. Great interpretation of this delicate artwork, that has inspired so many good works, yours is worthy, well done, good scribing, blessings my friend, Roy
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Well done Christine, I think you've done extremely well in this at poem, the meter and the articulate language, speak beautifully through your smooth and skilfull pen. Great interpretation of this delicate artwork, that has inspired so many good works, yours is worthy, well done, good scribing, blessings my friend, Roy
Comment Written 04-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Thank you Roy for you lovely review and such kind praise I am always so pleased to receive your comments ( and congratulation on making Number one for 2015) So to have your appraisal of my work is a real treat for me. I try hard to get it right and being my lyricat I wasn't sure but I have had some lovely words so I am happy with my effort. What fun and I can't wait to read all the others but as you know it can get so busy on this site but I will eventually get them all done. so Cheers from me Christine
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As always my pleasure
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Thanks for everything Christine
Comment from lightink
Lovely Lyricat!
I am certain Cat will be happy with this one :)!
There's a lovely beat to this poem rhythmic - I think you followed an alouette-like meter here. You showed so well how it looks when a whole audience is engaged and filled with joy! Of course, things come and go :(
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
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Lovely Lyricat!
I am certain Cat will be happy with this one :)!
There's a lovely beat to this poem rhythmic - I think you followed an alouette-like meter here. You showed so well how it looks when a whole audience is engaged and filled with joy! Of course, things come and go :(
Comment Written 04-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016
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Thank you lightink for your great review for my lyricat take on this image I am glad you like the beat and I will look up alouette meter (still learning all the poetry terms LOL ) There are some great post for this challenge and I look forward to reading them all and yes sadly time and things are always changing. Cheers Christine
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I know! The New Year's frenzy is crazy!
In Alouettes the stress is on the third syllable (out of five)
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Thank lightink I will do some reading up I really have no idea about stresses or anything really I just write how I like the sound ! I will look into some formal poetry and writing training this year Cheers Christine