<3 " thoughtscapes" by Noni <3
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Night Sky"A book of poetry, quotes and short stories
5 total reviews
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
From the onset, the poem seems cliche. What brings it around fresh, what really makes it an extended metaphor is the last line. The last line turns it around and makes this poem about something else. Good job.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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From the onset, the poem seems cliche. What brings it around fresh, what really makes it an extended metaphor is the last line. The last line turns it around and makes this poem about something else. Good job.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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Thank you...have a wonderful holiday :)
Comment from krys123
AnnieGale;
-one question I need to address whether or not you wanted to have a trochee
rhythmic meter throughout your writing? This is where you would have eight syllables per line and then seven syllables per line throughout the writing. Or iambic tetrameter in iambic seven syllables per line. If you wanted to do this then your second line only has six syllables and you might want to add a word or a syllable, for instance: "brilliant are the bright stars" and in that way would complete the seven syllable trochee format of a 8/7 metered format.
- the pictures absolutely outstanding and very relative, appropriate and complementary to your poem.
- the imagery that you present is distinct and clear an extra visit me expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout your writing.
- there's even a hint the rhyming.
- good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concept from one stanza and line to the next without it syntactical break.
- all in all it's a beautiful poem.
- thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
PS: It would be nice to promote your poem higher it does deserve that recognition.
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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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AnnieGale;
-one question I need to address whether or not you wanted to have a trochee
rhythmic meter throughout your writing? This is where you would have eight syllables per line and then seven syllables per line throughout the writing. Or iambic tetrameter in iambic seven syllables per line. If you wanted to do this then your second line only has six syllables and you might want to add a word or a syllable, for instance: "brilliant are the bright stars" and in that way would complete the seven syllable trochee format of a 8/7 metered format.
- the pictures absolutely outstanding and very relative, appropriate and complementary to your poem.
- the imagery that you present is distinct and clear an extra visit me expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout your writing.
- there's even a hint the rhyming.
- good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concept from one stanza and line to the next without it syntactical break.
- all in all it's a beautiful poem.
- thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
PS: It would be nice to promote your poem higher it does deserve that recognition.
-
Comment Written 11-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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Thank you Alex, I always appreciate your feedback. Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year to you and yours
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AngieGale; you are so very welcome at your friend.
Alex
Comment from pbomar1115
I can imagine me laying out in a field of St Augustine grass on a nice cool summer night under blinking stars. Maybe, catching one streak across the heavens as I take a sip from my cold limeade. I would point up and see the Big Dipper hoping I see the Milkyway drop closer to me and wish Mars do the same. That big sky would charm me into spinning the night sleeping under it. The poem evoke a lot. Very nice.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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I can imagine me laying out in a field of St Augustine grass on a nice cool summer night under blinking stars. Maybe, catching one streak across the heavens as I take a sip from my cold limeade. I would point up and see the Big Dipper hoping I see the Milkyway drop closer to me and wish Mars do the same. That big sky would charm me into spinning the night sleeping under it. The poem evoke a lot. Very nice.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review and stars...Merry Christmas
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You're welcome.
Comment from William Ross
very nice, well written, great verse. just love the picture you chose for this piece.It flows well reads well. Thanks for sharing this .
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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very nice, well written, great verse. just love the picture you chose for this piece.It flows well reads well. Thanks for sharing this .
Comment Written 11-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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Thank you, best to you
Comment from rspoet
You've written a very nice poem of the night sky
The universe is indeed a vast wonder
Very good use of alliteration with the M and S
and one small rhyme
like a planet in the universe
Great art work to match the poem
Very well done
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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You've written a very nice poem of the night sky
The universe is indeed a vast wonder
Very good use of alliteration with the M and S
and one small rhyme
like a planet in the universe
Great art work to match the poem
Very well done
Comment Written 11-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2015
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Thank you and all the best to you and yours