Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

This is a very good entry into this particular contest. I like the idea of the colourful spring flowers in a contest.
Good luck
Mary

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2015

Hi Mary thank you for you encouraging words and good luck wishes. I like Sping and the colours it produces. Cheers for reading this

Comment from Benjamin Valencia

Excellent

Hi..This is a worthy entry. The blooming of Spring flowers, a color competition. I wonder which flower wins? Good luck and cheers.

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2015

Hi Benjamin a big thanks for reading and giving me such a positive feedback . I love pansies in Spring so colourful but then so are Roses and Lilac or carnations. And the winner is ??? lol Cheers to you

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello :)
Nice haiku for the contest. You did a good job with the syllable count. You have a mistake in the second line= [dispays] Spring flowers in contest. Good job overall.
gypsy

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015

thanks Gypsy will fix straight away Cheers for heads up

Comment from mauial

Good

best in bloom
paints a picture of Spring flowers
colour competition

Good effort, but I think this has potential with a few edits. blooms usually occur in Spring so the use of Spring flowers in second line seems a redundant use for a kigo. So my suggestion is to rework the second line.
best in bloom
spreads all across the meadow
color competion

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2015

Hi mauial Thanks for your review i have struggled with the second line and changed it a couple of times so thanks for your suggestion and will have another think so really appreciate your insight Cheers

Comment from AnnieDawn

Excellent

A very nice nature Haiku poem with sight as the subject. The lines flow well and the syllable count is right at 17. I know there is no art work allowed but it always looks so bare. You have chosen a great color for your background. Great job.

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Thank you AnnieDawn for you lovely words. I hope this meets the standard. Glad you liked the colours chosen ( an image is always more complimentary, but without one it is challenging to try and make on with words, so appreciate your feedback Cheers

Comment from Spiritual Echo

Excellent

This is so good. Even using purple as a background colour inspired me right away to think of lilacs. You've done a lot with a budget of words and I'd have to believe this could make it to the winner's circle.

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Wow Thank you Spiritual Echo for that encouraging comment. I am glad the colours worked as I tried several combinations and like this the best so your review is appreciated all round Cheers

Comment from mvbrooks

Excellent

Enjoyed the twist from "best in show" to "best in bloom." Also liked the alteration "contest color competition." Meets the line and syllable requirements for this type of poem.

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Thank you mybrooks for reading my Haiku and for your review Best in bloom was exactly that from best in show ,so I'm glad it worked . enjoy your support Cheers

Comment from P1

Excellent

well written, well thought through
there is so much contained in these
short pieces i never know what to say
to do justie, but i enjoyed this one and
good luck with it

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Thank you paige won for your review and comments. Yes I find these a challenge and have fun trying to think up something profound lol so Cheers to you for reading this too

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Good topic for the contest.
-You seem to have most of the givens in the prompt.
-Your haiku begins well with "best in bloom".
- Line two has a few things to look at:
1) There are two problems with "see's": a) it is a verb and does not need the 's
b) it is personifying 'bloom' and personification is not allowed. 2) I would eliminate 'for' at the end because the satori line is "one fragment "aha" satori (either first or last line)
**By using 'for' in the previous line, you are connecting all the lines and
"color competition" needs to stand alone. Without 'for' the satori line then stands alone and is good.
-I am giving the 5; however, if you make any changes, I will be glad to edit my review to make it reflect that.

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Hi Respa Thanks for your review I have made some changes based on your suggestions but unsure if new one meet requirements. appreciate another look from you Cheers

reply by Pam (respa) on 30-Sep-2015

You are missing the grammatical connection between lines one and two. For a good example of this go to the portfolio of Jeannie Mercer and look at her haiku "pink and blue sunset" You had a verb before, but it personified bloom. Find a good verb, and everything else looks good.

reply by Pam (respa) on 30-Sep-2015

Let me know what you come up with. The more concrete the verb, the better. A simple example is
winter snow
covers fallen leaves
Note: I just made this up to show a definite concrete link.

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Hi Respa it was late at night my time when I wax trying to fix my Haiku, could your re read my latest version and give me your opinion ( sorry to be a best but do appreciate your help) I had wondered it contested would be better than just contest Cheers and thanks

reply by Pam (respa) on 30-Sep-2015

I understand the various time differences. The only thing missing is a verb to begin line two. You do not want a verb that indicates what a person does, like see, hear, whisper, etc. The more concrete the verb, the better. A simple example is:
winter snow
covers fallen leaves
Note: I just made this up to show a definite concrete link. If you still have trouble, I will give more specific help for your particular poem, but I would keep it in the contest for now. Send me your idea, and we'll go from there.

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Thank will do

Comment from Jeanie Mercer

Excellent

This has good concrete imagery and a seasonal reference. But I rated it 4 stars because I think the judging committee will probably see "Spring flowers dress up" as personification. I'm not on the committee, but I think they are persnickety about these things, since the rules say "no personification." You should have time to remedy this before the contest closes. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
P. S. I see you have changed this to meet the requirements and I have changed my rating to 5 stars.

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Thanks Jeanie for your review and suggestions but I am a little confused re the actual term No personification are you able to expand the meaning and how this line fals into this problem . Still learning this art and appreciate any help? Cheers

reply by Jeanie Mercer on 30-Sep-2015

Personification is a literary device in which a thing, idea, or animal is given human attributes. They are portrayed in such a way that we feel they have the ability to act as human beings (such as "the clouds weep"; "the flowers bow in reverence"; or, in this case, "the flowers dress up.")

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Thanks Jeanie I looked up the term and now 'get it' I hope, and have changed the line so hope it meets requirement. Cheers

reply by Jeanie Mercer on 30-Sep-2015

Great. (I put a note about personification in the "thread.") I have changed my rating to 5 stars.

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2015

Thanks Jeanie appreciate you help Cheers