2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "haiku ( bright harvest moon )"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
11 total reviews
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
Illuminating. The artwork goes well with this haiku. I love the final line crickets symphony. It adds another dimension that is quite unexpected. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Illuminating. The artwork goes well with this haiku. I love the final line crickets symphony. It adds another dimension that is quite unexpected. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thank you Mom :) sorry, I could not help it.
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It was wonderful and I voted for you.
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Thank you, you are very kind, I appreciate your vote
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Thank you
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Your welcome
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:)
Comment from rjuselius
"bright harvest moon
illuminates dark dried fields
cricket symphony"
this is a fine haiku dear anonymous! i think the satori is just brilliant! in my opinion it is the second line paces the whole poem. the imagery is excellent.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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"bright harvest moon
illuminates dark dried fields
cricket symphony"
this is a fine haiku dear anonymous! i think the satori is just brilliant! in my opinion it is the second line paces the whole poem. the imagery is excellent.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thank you Rebekka :)
Comment from Clover77
Beautiful, just extraordinarily beautiful.You have such a talent, especially with haikus. Good luck on future writing,
~Julia
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Beautiful, just extraordinarily beautiful.You have such a talent, especially with haikus. Good luck on future writing,
~Julia
Comment Written 13-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much Julia, I appreciate your review. ;)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your moon haiku. Good job on the syllable count. Good touch of alliteration. The artwork is great, but your poem would stand alone.
Good job and best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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I enjoyed your moon haiku. Good job on the syllable count. Good touch of alliteration. The artwork is great, but your poem would stand alone.
Good job and best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Thank you Jan :)
Comment from Dawn Munro
What a clever haiku! The "dark, dried fields" with the moon as avenger. Your poem has all the requirements of a flawless haiku - the kigo ("harvest"), the kire (a perfect cutting line) and a satori that speaks volumes. I loved it!
addition:
Okay, so I see you changed the satori - I like this one even better, and it changes the whole ambiance of the poem - the moon is no longer an avenger - nicely done
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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What a clever haiku! The "dark, dried fields" with the moon as avenger. Your poem has all the requirements of a flawless haiku - the kigo ("harvest"), the kire (a perfect cutting line) and a satori that speaks volumes. I loved it!
addition:
Okay, so I see you changed the satori - I like this one even better, and it changes the whole ambiance of the poem - the moon is no longer an avenger - nicely done
Comment Written 13-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Thank you Dawn :)
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You're most welcome.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, mystery writer, the field that is useless can be burned and brought back to new life. I love the picture. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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this is an excellent write, mystery writer, the field that is useless can be burned and brought back to new life. I love the picture. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the excellent review. :)
Comment from His Grayness
I'm starting to get more interested in Haiku and found this one a bit more complex and interesting. I enjoyed it and will continue to study! HIS GRAYNESS and many thanks to this author for an interesting experience.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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I'm starting to get more interested in Haiku and found this one a bit more complex and interesting. I enjoyed it and will continue to study! HIS GRAYNESS and many thanks to this author for an interesting experience.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you His Grayness I appreciate your review. :)
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A good haiku, although I think I would remove 'that' from the first line. It is unnecessary, and to me, actually slows done the interconnectedness of the first two lines. Moon illuminates is a better flow from one line to the next. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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A good haiku, although I think I would remove 'that' from the first line. It is unnecessary, and to me, actually slows done the interconnectedness of the first two lines. Moon illuminates is a better flow from one line to the next. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you Debbie I appreciate your review. :) I think so too but I had the CEC tell me that the lines have to be connected grammaticaly. I am afriad the may not look like their are connected, but I will take a look.
Comment from Linda Kay
I am impressed with haiku because it is hard to me to create an image in so few words. I liked the contrast between the bright, upbeat moon, and the dark, sad burnt field. It also has an ending of hope with "try again"
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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I am impressed with haiku because it is hard to me to create an image in so few words. I liked the contrast between the bright, upbeat moon, and the dark, sad burnt field. It also has an ending of hope with "try again"
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much, I appreciate your feedback :)
Comment from Julia.
The concept of this poem is great: the moon looming of dry fields, perhaps harvested fields. I do think that you could remove "that" from the first line as it adds nothing to the meaning of the poem.
My only other suggestion--and most people probably won't notice this; I do only because I come from farming stock on one side of my family--is that most farmers burn their fields in spring--to kill bugs and weeds and encourage growth. A harvest moon is a fall moon. So the combination of a fall moon and burning fields seems a bit incongruous.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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The concept of this poem is great: the moon looming of dry fields, perhaps harvested fields. I do think that you could remove "that" from the first line as it adds nothing to the meaning of the poem.
My only other suggestion--and most people probably won't notice this; I do only because I come from farming stock on one side of my family--is that most farmers burn their fields in spring--to kill bugs and weeds and encourage growth. A harvest moon is a fall moon. So the combination of a fall moon and burning fields seems a bit incongruous.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much, I appreciate your feedback :)