Short
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Boxes"Shorter stories
17 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww, that was lovely! I've often seen homeless people sitting outside shops, and most are there for no fault of their own. Especially ex forces. Many come home broken, not only in body but also in mind. So sad. I really liked this story, Bill. Well done. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Aww, that was lovely! I've often seen homeless people sitting outside shops, and most are there for no fault of their own. Especially ex forces. Many come home broken, not only in body but also in mind. So sad. I really liked this story, Bill. Well done. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Thank you, Sandra. Many become used to being unseen.
Comment from flip86
This is clever, subtle, profound way of story telling. It makes you ponder. It challenges the reader of its deep meaning. The buyer seemed so controlled that instead of getting angry, he handles it so politely and maturely. His compassion and mercy to the old man gives justice to the ending. It is short, yet intriguing.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-May-2015
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This is clever, subtle, profound way of story telling. It makes you ponder. It challenges the reader of its deep meaning. The buyer seemed so controlled that instead of getting angry, he handles it so politely and maturely. His compassion and mercy to the old man gives justice to the ending. It is short, yet intriguing.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-May-2015
reply by the author on 28-May-2015
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Thank you, flip, for the positive and encouraging review. Bill
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You are very welcome. By the way, I think I will use my real name, Alicia.
Comment from Nosha17
You have captured the essence of the story well in your short piece of prose-a man in desperate circumstances in need of money and a man who had the compassion to go along with it. Well narrated and written with sincerity. Faye
reply by the author on 28-May-2015
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You have captured the essence of the story well in your short piece of prose-a man in desperate circumstances in need of money and a man who had the compassion to go along with it. Well narrated and written with sincerity. Faye
Comment Written 28-May-2015
reply by the author on 28-May-2015
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Thank you, Nosha, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Funny little story. I liked the nuttiness of the old man and the goodhearted customer.
The story flowed easily, was engaging, kept my interest from beginning to end.
I had a hard time reading the small font, I would make it a little bigger and I would separate the paragraphs,
Good job!!
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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Funny little story. I liked the nuttiness of the old man and the goodhearted customer.
The story flowed easily, was engaging, kept my interest from beginning to end.
I had a hard time reading the small font, I would make it a little bigger and I would separate the paragraphs,
Good job!!
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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Thank you, GBR, for the helpful review. I didn't raise the font, but I did spread the paragraphs out as you suggested. Looks better. Thanks. Bill
Comment from emkoutny
The old man was honest. He did say he was selling girl scout cookie boxes, not boxes of girl scout cookies. Cute little story, and you say a lot in your 175 words.
reply by the author on 26-May-2015
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The old man was honest. He did say he was selling girl scout cookie boxes, not boxes of girl scout cookies. Cute little story, and you say a lot in your 175 words.
Comment Written 26-May-2015
reply by the author on 26-May-2015
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Thank you. emkoutny, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Spitfire
What a beautiful gesture. The old man served our country and now is homeless. How much mind he has left is anyone's guess. What makes this work is your description of the man's face and shy expression.
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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What a beautiful gesture. The old man served our country and now is homeless. How much mind he has left is anyone's guess. What makes this work is your description of the man's face and shy expression.
Comment Written 25-May-2015
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Thank you for the boffo review. Bill
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boffo? Is that a good thing?
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Yes. A synonym of superb.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hah, well, the old man did ask if the guy wanted to buy a Girl Scout cookie box. He said absolutely nothing about cookies being inside, lol. No wonder they were so cheap. Girl Scout cookies in my neck-of-the-woods are going for $4.50 per. But seriously...don'cha just love those Tagalongs? Yummy!
A very touching story, Bill. Given the fact that he was a war vet, I probably would have abstained from pummeling him within an inch of his life with a tire iron. Poor old fella...
~Dean ;]
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Hah, well, the old man did ask if the guy wanted to buy a Girl Scout cookie box. He said absolutely nothing about cookies being inside, lol. No wonder they were so cheap. Girl Scout cookies in my neck-of-the-woods are going for $4.50 per. But seriously...don'cha just love those Tagalongs? Yummy!
A very touching story, Bill. Given the fact that he was a war vet, I probably would have abstained from pummeling him within an inch of his life with a tire iron. Poor old fella...
~Dean ;]
Comment Written 25-May-2015
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Thanks, Dean, for looking at this. I was actually in my car, a passenger, when my daughter challenged me to write a story on my I-phone about Girl Scout cookies.
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You're welcome, Bill. Kudos to your daughter for challenging you, lol.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Bill,
I really enjoyed this short piece of fiction.
A very telling tale, sweet and hard at the same time. the buyers realisations tempered by his own temperament.
Very nicely done
GMG
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Hi Bill,
I really enjoyed this short piece of fiction.
A very telling tale, sweet and hard at the same time. the buyers realisations tempered by his own temperament.
Very nicely done
GMG
Comment Written 25-May-2015
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Thank you, GMG, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from jpduck
I thought this was a subtle piece of ultra-flash fiction. I particularly enjoyed your final paragraph which said sao much in so few words.
One typo:
'Even then , I felt differently about this than I can explain.' (Delete the space before the comma).
Adrian
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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I thought this was a subtle piece of ultra-flash fiction. I particularly enjoyed your final paragraph which said sao much in so few words.
One typo:
'Even then , I felt differently about this than I can explain.' (Delete the space before the comma).
Adrian
Comment Written 25-May-2015
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Fixed it. I swear this program sabotages punctuation and changes spellings after the save button is pushed. No, I'm not paranoid. Thank you for the positive and helpful review. Bill
Comment from Brett Matthew West
What a valuable lesson is well learned in this tiny little tale of yours about helping those less fortunate. Very well written indeed.
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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What a valuable lesson is well learned in this tiny little tale of yours about helping those less fortunate. Very well written indeed.
Comment Written 25-May-2015
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Thank you, Brett, for the positive review. Bill