Comment from maggieadams

Excellent

Wow, this is full of innuendo and symbolism in this 5-7-5 haiku...very clever....you even managed alliteration....weeds (offspring, off-shoots) come through the bush....hmmmm, and your last line is a zinger coupled with the first two lines....great job.

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2015

Thanks, Maggie. Trying so hard to get my prose pieces written. Too many things to do!

reply by maggieadams on 19-Jan-2015

I know...I have been struggling with my next chapter...I have changed, scrubbed, fought with myself...I am finally getting somewhere...look forward to reading your story...

Comment from Donya Quijote

Excellent

Hahahaha. Humorous, witty, satiric, rich metaphor, provoking, revealing, heavy with the double entendre. I do believe I've found another classic Spitfire senryu. You should call it what it is. Now, tell me why I feel I need a shower? Par excellence!!!

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2015

Sounds as if your mind is where mine is. LOL

Comment from Rosalyne

Excellent

Hi, Shari.
Your humour is wonderful! This post is so witty and had me laughing aloud. The double meaning and imagery is great! LOL!
Bye
Rosalyne :)

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2015

Glad you got a laugh out of this. That's what I hoped for.

Comment from ExperiencingLiphe

Excellent

I can't wait to start seeing flowers. I'm not a flower person but that'll mean spring is coming. Sadly, it's just the middle of January so I think we'll probably still have plenty more winter but it's a nice thought. Great job with this

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2015

You need to move to Florida. :-)

reply by ExperiencingLiphe on 18-Jan-2015

I moved to Virginia and they had no snow. I missed it. I'm a Wisconsinite. LOL.

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Humorous juxtaposition of imagery as metaphor for the door to donating sperm. Ha ha ha. Ironic imagery, well conveyed in this 5-7-5 form. Great word economy. No nits. Good phrasing phonetics with alliteration of B and D, and consonance of S and soft C.

Love,
rd

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2015

Thanks, rd. Always nice to hear you details on a form.

reply by rama devi on 19-Jan-2015

Thanks! :)

Comment from Patti R.

Excellent

Oh my god, woman!
This is very funny. And if I'm the only reviewer that sees the crude craziness woven into this little gem, then I am truly more derelict than I ever thought!

blooming
push
full bush
sperm
and
entrance

Is it just me?

Patti

back door

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2015

Nope, you have lots of company although I think you even out did my thoughts with entrance and back door. Now that I know your sex life...LOL

reply by Patti R. on 18-Jan-2015

gasp! LOL

Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

Hi, Shari,

You're the master of the double entendre! I am still laughing at the layered meanings in this short poem. The satori is priceless.

Well done
Ray

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2015

Thanks, Ray. Amazing what a walk around the neighborhood inspires. :-)

Comment from sgalletti

Excellent

Hilarious! Great juxtaposition of two concrete images that, combined, give the reader one huge AHA and belly laugh. Well done. Sue

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2015

Always good to get a review from you sgalletti. Thanks for the encouragement.

Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

Haha -- you certainly know how to play with words, Shari. I think this should be framed and hung at the doorway for all potential donors to see. I'm sure they'd get a kick out of it. Hugs, Lou

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2015

The sperm bank would be hoping for a hard-on.
Hardy, har, har.
Shari

Comment from mshirachot

Excellent

Well now! That's a racy scene. I am usually quite oblivious to these suggestive puns. Just last night my husband gave me a comical look when I asked him if he would put it in -- I was, of course, talking about the DVD.

Thanks for sharing.
Blessings to you,
Marsha

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2015

LOL. Love your story. Sounds like wishful thinking on hubby's part.