The Virus
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Emergence Written October 2014"Changing the world's attitudes
45 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I think this world is probably being dying of the kind of blindness that Helen Kellar was speaking of, we all have blind spots, I don't care how knowledgeable people think they are, you have mentioned a couple in which perhaps you are blind. The orange analogy is a good, assuming it contains knowledge and wisdom, and what is our slice of that orange, I suspect it would be invisible and minuscule at the same time. As an avid reader of sci fi in my youth, I've read many theories of Armageddon, but excepting "Day of the triffids" this one is unique. Well done, very clever, but of course it needs some fine detail. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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I think this world is probably being dying of the kind of blindness that Helen Kellar was speaking of, we all have blind spots, I don't care how knowledgeable people think they are, you have mentioned a couple in which perhaps you are blind. The orange analogy is a good, assuming it contains knowledge and wisdom, and what is our slice of that orange, I suspect it would be invisible and minuscule at the same time. As an avid reader of sci fi in my youth, I've read many theories of Armageddon, but excepting "Day of the triffids" this one is unique. Well done, very clever, but of course it needs some fine detail. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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I only bring down attitudes. I view any human as equal, and all biota in terms we all can tap in as being alive. Judgment destroys relationship. No one is better or worse than anyone. This is not my opinion, just plain spiritual fact...Thanks Roy, John
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If you knew my work you would know that I too dwell there. The problem is the world doesn?t believe that, compassion should be normal for humanity, spiritually is much, much more than, it encompasses all, in Heaven and Earth, seen and unseen. Blessings Roy
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Bull's Eye
Comment from elchupakabra
I really like the idea - I think it's creative and scary but also I wonder how people would adapt and if those with sight would take advantage ultimately of those without - I think there's a lot happening in this chapter that could be spread out amongst 2-3 chapters if you stretched it, but otherwise I really liked this. Great work, thanks for sharing, later daze.
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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I really like the idea - I think it's creative and scary but also I wonder how people would adapt and if those with sight would take advantage ultimately of those without - I think there's a lot happening in this chapter that could be spread out amongst 2-3 chapters if you stretched it, but otherwise I really liked this. Great work, thanks for sharing, later daze.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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I scan my reviewers? thoughts for the train of thought that executed when reviewing my work. Daze is patently young. The use of ?really like? is a juvenile expression we all know.
His choice of screen name suggests Hindu/Buddhist philosophy. I am positive the January 6 mob has no clue that philosophy is ?Love of Knowledge.? Because some screwballs like Jimmy Bakker and Joel Osteen told them that eating from the Tree of Knowledge causes an explosion of either testicles or mammary glands-- androgynes have both. The orgasmic renditions Ayn Rand and Jeff Epstein envisioned were the scenarios of our boisterous carrot-topped court jester. Spoiler Alert! New POVs make for better views.
Typical for the biggest hypocrite humanity has produced, the objective of his delusional, narcissistic, misogynistic, prejudicial, and forked tongue is how he can sell more snake oil to more members of the Military/Industrial complex. Scenario:
?Welcome, Ignorant American Fool. For precaution?s sake, please drink this glass of bleach. (don?t all sane people wish!) As anxious as he may be to prove his point, his ?loose-as-ashes brain? cannot anchor any logical thought. He can only use his copyrighted ?Art of the Deal? as his founding philosophy?Fuck ?em before they fuck you, and when you sell your soul, come and get a blow job from some twelve-year-old we gather from our sex-trafficking networks. Regroup at Epstein?s for some orgies with tweens on the weekend after golf, and everything?s ready for next week?s presentations. Preparing for negotiation is of prime importance.
?What?s on your mind dickhead??
?Well, let?s cut to the chase.?
?I need more phallic symbols bearing my name. I?ll license my name to the highest bidder. The minimum price is only 20 Million a year. I prefer subscriptions at an even 2 Mil a month.?
?I?ll start the bidding at 40 Million!?
?Hey, guys, Putin is coming in, and he?s riding a horse shirtless..?
?Hi, Vlad, come join us! We just started negotiations.?
?DON? T CALL ME VLAD!!! When bored, a French noble would send his soldiers to gather several villagers huddling for the castle?s protection and claimed it before me. Vlad the Impaler is now a dream name that I must acquire. Pushing people off parapets and watching their flailing bodies as the stakes pierce their bodies. They are skewered like a shish in shish-kebob-- maximum amusement. Kinda like the blood sports of the Coliseum.?
?Hey, Vl?, Put! (pronounced ?poot?), your torso is admirable.?
?No shit!?
?How about a bid to license the Trump name??
?To keep it alive or kill it, or modify it??
?What would you modify??
to be continued...
Comment from tfawcus
You have thought this through exceedingly well. It sometimes takes a disaster of monumental proportions to make people change their ways. There are some parallels here with the way in which many will have to readjust following the coronavirus pandemic.
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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You have thought this through exceedingly well. It sometimes takes a disaster of monumental proportions to make people change their ways. There are some parallels here with the way in which many will have to readjust following the coronavirus pandemic.
Comment Written 22-May-2021
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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To read the following chapters, click on double arrow next to chapter number. I think there's five. My creativity took a nose dive. That's why I didn't finish. Thanks...John
Comment from pome lover
A fascinating predicament. A horror/science-fiction combo of a story.
My first thought is about newborns - 9 months after the beginning of the virus. Will they be affected at birth? Or will they have sight? Will they have antibodies to protect them? Second, if blindness continues in humans, will animals begin to rule or will humans adjust and develop alternate capabilities? And, if humans rally and invent ways to cope, aided by the knowledge of those who have been blind from birth, a whole new type of existence could be the "rebirth" of humanity.
You have good descriptions of events and possibilities, though I don't get the father saying, "We cannot plan anything based on death."
And I imagine those on the borders of countries are aware of their borders.
Lots of possibilities here.
Congratulations of all time best.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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A fascinating predicament. A horror/science-fiction combo of a story.
My first thought is about newborns - 9 months after the beginning of the virus. Will they be affected at birth? Or will they have sight? Will they have antibodies to protect them? Second, if blindness continues in humans, will animals begin to rule or will humans adjust and develop alternate capabilities? And, if humans rally and invent ways to cope, aided by the knowledge of those who have been blind from birth, a whole new type of existence could be the "rebirth" of humanity.
You have good descriptions of events and possibilities, though I don't get the father saying, "We cannot plan anything based on death."
And I imagine those on the borders of countries are aware of their borders.
Lots of possibilities here.
Congratulations of all time best.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 22-May-2021
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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Thanks much for your kind review. Roy knows we can be immortal by understanding that the only time we can observe our reality is NOW. Consciousness IS NOW...John..... all concepts of time are imagined.
Comment from BethShelby
That is quite a horror tale that would likely be the end of civilization as we know it. There would be a few like this family that could figure out a way to survive for a while. Since this is book, there much be a lot more to the story but you don't say you will be continuing it. The possibility of something like this actually happening is food for thought.
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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That is quite a horror tale that would likely be the end of civilization as we know it. There would be a few like this family that could figure out a way to survive for a while. Since this is book, there much be a lot more to the story but you don't say you will be continuing it. The possibility of something like this actually happening is food for thought.
Comment Written 22-May-2021
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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This is my forecast of COVID. Thanks for reviewing...John
When you see the multi arrow next to the chapter number at top right, click to read next chapter...
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is a most creative dystopian fantasy. When I saw your book title, "The Virus," I thought I would be reading about today's Covid-19 pandemic, but you have imagined something even more terrible, and I see from the title, that you wrote it years in advance of the current crisis. Despite the fact that we are in an entirely different type of pandemic, your story is very timely.
That being said, I am afraid that the font you are using, combined with the color, might actually make your readers go blind -- unless you plan to confine its use to your first chapter, and mercifully spare us in future chapters by using a more conventional presentation. I think such a lovely, elaborate green font would be better suited to a haiku? Normally I am a very careful reviewer, and while I did make a few suggestions, I might have made more, but it was difficult to read this in careful detail. Perhaps others feel the same way?
Here are my other suggestions:
It would enter the lungs and use the blood stream ...
-->
It would enter the lungs and use the bloodstream ...
We'll run the generator for a while and turn it off every hour for a couple of hours.
-->
We'll run the generator awhile and turn it off every hour for a couple of hours. [every hour, for a couple of hours makes no sense; perhaps you meant something else?]
...gather some fruit for us from your green house?"
-->
...gather some fruit for us from your greenhouse?"
By the end of the second day, more gruesome events.
-->
By the end of the second day, more gruesome events occurred.
Some idea of night and day was had by walking outside and feeling the sunlight or lack of it.
-->
People had some idea of night and day by walking outside and feeling the sunlight or lack of it.
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I'm sorry that I didn't have a six left, because your story is both original and well written. Perhaps I will read your next chapter soon, when I do.
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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This is a most creative dystopian fantasy. When I saw your book title, "The Virus," I thought I would be reading about today's Covid-19 pandemic, but you have imagined something even more terrible, and I see from the title, that you wrote it years in advance of the current crisis. Despite the fact that we are in an entirely different type of pandemic, your story is very timely.
That being said, I am afraid that the font you are using, combined with the color, might actually make your readers go blind -- unless you plan to confine its use to your first chapter, and mercifully spare us in future chapters by using a more conventional presentation. I think such a lovely, elaborate green font would be better suited to a haiku? Normally I am a very careful reviewer, and while I did make a few suggestions, I might have made more, but it was difficult to read this in careful detail. Perhaps others feel the same way?
Here are my other suggestions:
It would enter the lungs and use the blood stream ...
-->
It would enter the lungs and use the bloodstream ...
We'll run the generator for a while and turn it off every hour for a couple of hours.
-->
We'll run the generator awhile and turn it off every hour for a couple of hours. [every hour, for a couple of hours makes no sense; perhaps you meant something else?]
...gather some fruit for us from your green house?"
-->
...gather some fruit for us from your greenhouse?"
By the end of the second day, more gruesome events.
-->
By the end of the second day, more gruesome events occurred.
Some idea of night and day was had by walking outside and feeling the sunlight or lack of it.
-->
People had some idea of night and day by walking outside and feeling the sunlight or lack of it.
***
I'm sorry that I didn't have a six left, because your story is both original and well written. Perhaps I will read your next chapter soon, when I do.
Comment Written 22-May-2021
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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Your review is much appreciated. Grammarly wasn't available when I wrote it. To read the following chapters, click on double arrow next to chapter number. I think there's five. My creativity took a nose dive. That's why I didn't finish. Thanks...John
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You're very welcome, John. Thank you, I wanted to check out your additional chapter(s) but didn't want to lose what I had in the reviewing box. I understand what you mean, about starting a story and then not knowing what to do with it! But I will check your other chapters soon. You have a great profile pic, with the two of you and the doggy :-) God bless you! - Mary Kay
Comment from Begin Again
This is a fascinating story about how the whole world goes blind. I can not imagine (but know so many are face with it) not seeing the little things in life.. birds, flowers, a smile. having a virus spread across the world (like Covid) and cause such damage.
I like your authors notes about Helen Keller's quote,
"There's one thing worse than being blind - having sight and no vision."
Good luck with your continue writing of the story. Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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This is a fascinating story about how the whole world goes blind. I can not imagine (but know so many are face with it) not seeing the little things in life.. birds, flowers, a smile. having a virus spread across the world (like Covid) and cause such damage.
I like your authors notes about Helen Keller's quote,
"There's one thing worse than being blind - having sight and no vision."
Good luck with your continue writing of the story. Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 22-May-2021
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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To read the following chapters, click on double arrow next to chapter number. I think there's five. My creativity took a nose dive. That's why I didn't finish. Thanks...John
Comment from Bonnie Seach
Well crafted and written. An alarming situation for earth's inhabitants. It is a probabilty that faces us.
Being prepared, keeping calm, planning and goal orientation are excellent suggestions. Thank you for sharing. Every success
Suggestion for correction:
*one of the most respected *developer* of children --
>either "a most respected developer of children"
Or > *developers*
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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Well crafted and written. An alarming situation for earth's inhabitants. It is a probabilty that faces us.
Being prepared, keeping calm, planning and goal orientation are excellent suggestions. Thank you for sharing. Every success
Suggestion for correction:
*one of the most respected *developer* of children --
>either "a most respected developer of children"
Or > *developers*
Comment Written 22-May-2021
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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I reposted to present my prediction of the pandemic almost seven years ago...John
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To read the following chapters, click on double arrow next to chapter number. I think there's five. My creativity took a nose dive. That's why I didn't finish. Thanks...John
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Thank you. Your creativity must be abundant. Nice going. Regards
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No kidding! How did you know? I remember a magazine article in the 50s that predicted this pandemic. Regards
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Your acuity has made me more efficient and effective...
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We do benefit by being reviewed don't we? I appreciate it so much. It's a great plan for improving our writing skills. We learn together. Best wishes
Comment from BWReal
I like the story's premise. But this reads more like an outline than a story. (Day One, Day Two, Emergence, Chaos,etc.) There are too many headlines. Also, there is too much telling going on and not enough showing/active tense, and it's too much to go into in this one instance. One example: "Panic was immediate. Transportation systems caused the main havoc..." Here would be a good time to inject something like "A car swerved manically in and out of traffic like a bull with mad cow's disease, crashing into bus loaded with children on the way home from..." And more clarity is needed about Betty's profession. What exactly is a developer of children? Is this some futuristic piece where child developers are commonplace? I'm a little lost. Don't get me wrong. I like the idea. The setting is like one of those SciFi movies you see on tv. The skeleton of a great story is in the offering here, but like my creative writing instructor once told me in big red marker scrawled all across my page: "Put some meet on those bones!"~
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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I like the story's premise. But this reads more like an outline than a story. (Day One, Day Two, Emergence, Chaos,etc.) There are too many headlines. Also, there is too much telling going on and not enough showing/active tense, and it's too much to go into in this one instance. One example: "Panic was immediate. Transportation systems caused the main havoc..." Here would be a good time to inject something like "A car swerved manically in and out of traffic like a bull with mad cow's disease, crashing into bus loaded with children on the way home from..." And more clarity is needed about Betty's profession. What exactly is a developer of children? Is this some futuristic piece where child developers are commonplace? I'm a little lost. Don't get me wrong. I like the idea. The setting is like one of those SciFi movies you see on tv. The skeleton of a great story is in the offering here, but like my creative writing instructor once told me in big red marker scrawled all across my page: "Put some meet on those bones!"~
Comment Written 11-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Greatly appreciate this kind of guidance...John
Comment from Adri7enne
Reminds me of the saying, "In the world of the blind, the one-eyed man is king."
It's a pretty dark scenario, C. Do you believe it necessary to tear down the entire infrastructure of society to bring about its awakening? Interesting concept. Well written piece.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2014
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Reminds me of the saying, "In the world of the blind, the one-eyed man is king."
It's a pretty dark scenario, C. Do you believe it necessary to tear down the entire infrastructure of society to bring about its awakening? Interesting concept. Well written piece.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2014
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There are other ways to transform society, but more people need to get involved. Shock can do it best. Thanks...John