Comment from 9999pool

Excellent

If only all of us can have a bit of Isaiah with us, our world can be so much happier knowing we can be of service to God to spread His word and love to others.
We must be prepared to make some sacrifices for the benefit of many. A generous heart will get a lot more than what we give out.
A great story in a Gospel about Isaiah. Brilliant work too!!
Cheerio, hugs and love, bro Ritchie. :))

 Comment Written 19-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014

Thank you so much Ritchie,
I always enjoy and appreciate your fine comments. The Bible has so much wealth in knowledge and wisdom. It is still my favorite book. How are things in Asia, it is about 9:15 am your time. Have a great day.
Love, Carolyn

Comment from lakeport

Excellent

Isaiah, indeed the Old Testament, Isaiah history, a great story poem, nice rhyming, Thanks for sharing it,God bless you, Hugs!lakeport.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks lakeport for this wonderful review. :-) Carolyn

reply by lakeport on 16-Jun-2014

your welcome.Hugs!Lakeport.

Comment from rama devi

Good

Nice tribute to a great personage! Fully of admiration, respect and reverence. Fine free verse style with random rhyming.

I noticed just a few spots where the voicing seems awkward and I recommend tweaking:


Wonderful and
Counselor,


These do not work well divided by AND. The word wonderful can act upon the word Counselor, and that would make more sense. I totally stumbled on the AND there--thus I suggest

Wonderful
Counselor


This stanza is okay but has two issues which give room for improvement (changing is optional but recommended:

Prince of Peace was He
The one led to the slaughter
like a lamb He'd be

1 the wording is a bit cliche (though, that's okay--but if you think of fresh ways to convey the same concepts, it would augment the caliber of the poem).

2)) The reverse syntax makes it sounds forced--though some people like this device--matter of taste. The forced feel also comes from the rhymes--which seem put there for the sake of rhyme rather than for added meaning.

I suggest trimming the rhyme and using syntax in order:

He was a Prince of Peace
led to the slaughter
like a lamb

*Spags:

When God asked(,)
"w(W)ho will go and spread my word?"

With edits:

When God asked,
"Who will go and spread my word?"

Do please let me know if you polish this up so I can upgrade the rating. :-)

Warm Smiles,
rd


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thank you rami devi for your comments and the time taken to read and review. I will take another look, your rating is fine, one can't expect 5's from everyone. Have a great week my friend,
:-) Carolyn

reply by rama devi on 16-Jun-2014

Thanks for your gracious response, dear Carolyn. Have a great week too. Love, rd

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

I'm not sure I got that far when reading the Old Testament and writing my Biblical Bytes. I'll look it up. There is so much territory covered in so few words, it's easy to miss some.
I like this story very much and as always, you write it so well.

 Comment Written 13-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014

Thank you Shari for this fine review. So many readers are picking up their Bibles again. Hope you and Frank are doing well. :-) Carolyn

Comment from JB Lynn

Excellent

Another great piece of work. Have you considered also capitalizing "counselor" and "prince of peace" since they're being used as titles for God? Also, since you use a period in Jesus' statement "Here am I, send me." I think you'll want to go ahead and use a question mark when God asks "Who will go and spread my word?"

 Comment Written 13-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014

I had noticed that and thank you for the heads up also. Glad to see you on site. Hope you had a great vacation. :-) Carolyn

Comment from Cajungirl

Excellent

you've done it again, another wonderful short story in a poem. My grandchildren spend the day with me on Fridays since school close. I will be sharing this with them. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 13-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014

I have been a bit busy, but will continue with this series as consistently as possible. You are such an inspiration to me. Thank you so much. :-) Carolyn

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Carolyn, sorry I've missed many of your posting, but I've been a little busy at work, of late.

I believe the prophet Isaiah appears in many gospel readings. Yes?

Your poem was detailed but not boring to read. You write so, us folk not well versed in the bible can follow and understand. That, I appreciate. John

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thanks John, it has been an interesting series for me to write as I read the story several times before condensing it into a poem. I am grateful that the Bible has always been my favorite book, it is full of adventure, travel, love stories, and those who walked on the 'wild side,' :-) Never a boring chapter. Since it is made up of a collection of 66 books, I just read a book at a time, like I would any other. So glad you are following and enjoying this series.
Love, Carolyn

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

I like your biblical stories in rhyme, I have read one or two before. They flow very well, rhyme well and serve to remind me of bible stories I may have forgotten. Enjoyable read. Faye

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thanks Faye, I always appreciate your fine comments. :-) Carolyn

Comment from angelface2

Excellent

You do such nice poems about the Bible verses and stories. I love the book of Isaiah. Also the Book of Proverbs is one of my favorites. Love this, Carolyn. HUgs Miss Sally

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thanks Miss Sally, I have missed you, everything ok. I'm glad you are enjoying this series. Isaiah was definitely an interesting prophet. And yes, Proverbs would be a book for a series in itself.
Love, Carolyn

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

solid use of abcb rhyming including proximate rhyme
good use of enjambment
good consonance of L sounds in led to the slaughter like a lamb
a thoughtful poem of faith that delivers a strong message - love the closing
Brooke

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thank you Brooke, for this fine review. I am glad you are enjoying the series. :-) Carolyn