Pantoum Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Farewell"Poems written using the pantoum form
79 total reviews
Comment from poetbear
Great image.
One of my favorite sea poems here.
It is written beautifully and flows like the Sea.
Many will relate.
Great technique and write.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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Great image.
One of my favorite sea poems here.
It is written beautifully and flows like the Sea.
Many will relate.
Great technique and write.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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Thanks for digging into my portfolio to find this one. I accidentally overlooked adding it to my last book of poems, so it is good to be reminded of it. So glad it gave you some pleasure. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Warren Rodgers
Hi Tony, Your pantoum sonnet is very well written and takes me through the sadness of farewell to the stark realization that our mortal love will end but with the hope it will continue somewhere in the future. Great seamless repeating lines, rhymes, and meter. There are so many great entries in this contest. I wish I had a six to give you because your poem is truly deserving. Good luck in the booth.
All the best,
Rodger
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Hi Tony, Your pantoum sonnet is very well written and takes me through the sadness of farewell to the stark realization that our mortal love will end but with the hope it will continue somewhere in the future. Great seamless repeating lines, rhymes, and meter. There are so many great entries in this contest. I wish I had a six to give you because your poem is truly deserving. Good luck in the booth.
All the best,
Rodger
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Many thanks for your kind review, Warren, and rather better opinion than the voters! There was some tough opposition in this contest!
Comment from sgalletti
Great choice of repeating lines. The punctuation threw me a bit. Perhaps a dash after "do" as opposed to a semi-colon? My preference is to see a poem like this written using enjambment, where not every line is capitalized, but the poem flows as it might be read. Lovely imagery and beautiful love sentiments. Good luck. There are some wonderful entries. Sue
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Great choice of repeating lines. The punctuation threw me a bit. Perhaps a dash after "do" as opposed to a semi-colon? My preference is to see a poem like this written using enjambment, where not every line is capitalized, but the poem flows as it might be read. Lovely imagery and beautiful love sentiments. Good luck. There are some wonderful entries. Sue
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Many thanks for your review, Sue, and for the suggestions.
Comment from lakeport
Farwell, indeed that's a beautiful expressed poem, very nice in form, I enjoyed reading it.Good luck at the contest,God bless you.Lakeport.
reply by the author on 28-May-2014
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Farwell, indeed that's a beautiful expressed poem, very nice in form, I enjoyed reading it.Good luck at the contest,God bless you.Lakeport.
Comment Written 26-May-2014
reply by the author on 28-May-2014
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Many thanks for your review, Lakeport, and your good luck wishes. Much appreciated! By the way, I re-read Hell's Fire. I should have guessed 'sky', which makes perfect sense!
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your welcome,lakeport.
Comment from Just2Write
Great submission to the Pantoum Sonnet contest, Tony.
It is very soothing to read and takes the reader on a wonderful journey.
Good choice of repeating lines, and nice nuance as they move through the poem.
Rose
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Great submission to the Pantoum Sonnet contest, Tony.
It is very soothing to read and takes the reader on a wonderful journey.
Good choice of repeating lines, and nice nuance as they move through the poem.
Rose
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Rose. Much appreciated!
Comment from elchupakabra
I enjoyed this piece, I thought you did a good job matching your imagery and flow with the waves of the water. I thought your alliterations were strong and definitely added to the flow of the work. Great work overall on this piece and best of luck in the contest, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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I enjoyed this piece, I thought you did a good job matching your imagery and flow with the waves of the water. I thought your alliterations were strong and definitely added to the flow of the work. Great work overall on this piece and best of luck in the contest, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Elchupakabra. Much appreciated!
Comment from Ekim777
Our poet is very ambitious. With smooth aplomb he blends two very sophisticated forms into one. So we have the best of two worlds and the result is awesome. Allow me to digress. In an over complex world surely we may yearn for some simplicity. Rimbaud comes to mind.
"Il est retrouve,/ Quoi?/ L'eternite/ C'est la mere pave par le soleil./"
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Our poet is very ambitious. With smooth aplomb he blends two very sophisticated forms into one. So we have the best of two worlds and the result is awesome. Allow me to digress. In an over complex world surely we may yearn for some simplicity. Rimbaud comes to mind.
"Il est retrouve,/ Quoi?/ L'eternite/ C'est la mere pave par le soleil./"
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Many thanks for your review, Ekim. Much appreciated. Blake also puts it well:
"To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour."
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Consider: Suggestions only. No disrespect intended.
TWO stars are dancing on the sea tonight
THEY shudder at the sadness of farewell,
Alive in this blue hour of FADING light.
I watch AS STAR SHINE CRESTS A rising swell
THEY shudder at the sadness of farewell.
Such sea-glass stars have twins set in the sky.
I watch AS STAR SHINE CRESTS A rising swell
As we must surely do; my love and I.
Such sea-glass stars have twins set in the sky
That span the empty loneliness of space
As we must surely do, my love and I,
Until we can, at length, again embrace.
TWO stars are dancing on the sea tonight
Alive in this blue hour of FADING light.
Loved the piece.
Regards:
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Consider: Suggestions only. No disrespect intended.
TWO stars are dancing on the sea tonight
THEY shudder at the sadness of farewell,
Alive in this blue hour of FADING light.
I watch AS STAR SHINE CRESTS A rising swell
THEY shudder at the sadness of farewell.
Such sea-glass stars have twins set in the sky.
I watch AS STAR SHINE CRESTS A rising swell
As we must surely do; my love and I.
Such sea-glass stars have twins set in the sky
That span the empty loneliness of space
As we must surely do, my love and I,
Until we can, at length, again embrace.
TWO stars are dancing on the sea tonight
Alive in this blue hour of FADING light.
Loved the piece.
Regards:
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Thank you for your careful analysis of my writing and for your suggestions. I chose 'shifting light' to describe the motion of the starlight on the water and think that I shall probably leave it like that. Also, I'm not altogether sure about reducing the number of stars to two - but I'll think about it! However, I do sincerely appreciate your time and effort involved in offering your suggestions for improvement. You have a way of making me reconsider every word, which is a most valuable and necessary thing. So many of the reviews here are comparatively trite - my own included at times!
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Dear tfawcus: We all suffer from inattention to detail, myself probably more than most. You write well and I delight in reviewing your work. Part 2 of Fathers out now. Thanks.
With Respect: Steve
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the sonnet rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good alliteration with shudder/sadness...watch/way...ride/rising...such/sea/stars/set/sky...span/space. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Good use of the sonnet rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good alliteration with shudder/sadness...watch/way...ride/rising...such/sea/stars/set/sky...span/space. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Thank you for reviewing my work again RR - I appreciate you taking the time to do so - also your good luck wishes.
Comment from Kingsland
The thoughts in this poem bring forth images in the mind of the reader. That is part and partial of what a good piece of poetry is all about. I enjoyed reading this imagery laden piece of poetic art... John
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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The thoughts in this poem bring forth images in the mind of the reader. That is part and partial of what a good piece of poetry is all about. I enjoyed reading this imagery laden piece of poetic art... John
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Many thanks for reviewing my poem, John, and for your kind words. Much appreciated!