You Were the Cherry Blossoms, Dear
a nostalgic love poem18 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
Wow, and I say that with the most admiration. This was such a lovely, melancholy musing of loss and love. Death is never a welcome occurrence, no matter what some try to profess.
There is such a sense of nostalgia and longing here, it really resonates as so genuine and true. One could not help but surmise that you've lived such an experience yourself. If not, then you certainly have a gift of grabbing emotion by the horns and reining it in where it doesn't truly exist.
Breathtakingly penned...
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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Wow, and I say that with the most admiration. This was such a lovely, melancholy musing of loss and love. Death is never a welcome occurrence, no matter what some try to profess.
There is such a sense of nostalgia and longing here, it really resonates as so genuine and true. One could not help but surmise that you've lived such an experience yourself. If not, then you certainly have a gift of grabbing emotion by the horns and reining it in where it doesn't truly exist.
Breathtakingly penned...
Comment Written 07-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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Dean, you well know how sometimes a poem will write itself. This one did. I really appreciate your great praise and support in the contest. Rod
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You're welcome, Rod. It was my pleasure.
Comment from Leineco
Thank you so much for join my contest prompt :-)
Everyone did a great job, and I am thrilled with the diverse ways everyone
approached the topic.
I love the way you incorporated the cherry blossom & dogwood trees to represent a life long love, both as a physical anchor to important life
events and as representatives of the male & female "main characters".
For me, the refrain line
You were the cherry blossoms, dear,
and I the dogwood standing near.
totally made the poem. And made
her the star of your life.
Really nice write :-)
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for join my contest prompt :-)
Everyone did a great job, and I am thrilled with the diverse ways everyone
approached the topic.
I love the way you incorporated the cherry blossom & dogwood trees to represent a life long love, both as a physical anchor to important life
events and as representatives of the male & female "main characters".
For me, the refrain line
You were the cherry blossoms, dear,
and I the dogwood standing near.
totally made the poem. And made
her the star of your life.
Really nice write :-)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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Leineco, now that the contest is over, I can confess that it was the refrain and the picture that inspired me to write this poem. I am so pleased you like it. Rod
Comment from Debra White
Hi :) this is a beautiful rhymed poem about a long lasting love from courtship to death. It actually gave me goosebumps as I read The refrain is lovely, and effectively ties the cherry blossom and dogwood together throughout the poem. Nice smooth meter, perfectly presented. Good luck in the booth, I think this poem will do very well! Kindest regards, Debra
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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Hi :) this is a beautiful rhymed poem about a long lasting love from courtship to death. It actually gave me goosebumps as I read The refrain is lovely, and effectively ties the cherry blossom and dogwood together throughout the poem. Nice smooth meter, perfectly presented. Good luck in the booth, I think this poem will do very well! Kindest regards, Debra
Comment Written 07-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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Hi Debra. Thank you so much for your encouraging review and support. Rod
Comment from Cariboubill
I'm a widower, so I understand what you are saying in this poem. Nice thought about the blossoms singing with bees.
One line that I think could be improved: "Where we did walk amidst these trees." I don't know if it is a personal thing with me but the use of 'did' to make the syllable count work doesn't sound right. You could say: "Where we once walked amidst these trees." That's my view but it's your poem. I voted for this poem, by the way.
...Bill
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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I'm a widower, so I understand what you are saying in this poem. Nice thought about the blossoms singing with bees.
One line that I think could be improved: "Where we did walk amidst these trees." I don't know if it is a personal thing with me but the use of 'did' to make the syllable count work doesn't sound right. You could say: "Where we once walked amidst these trees." That's my view but it's your poem. I voted for this poem, by the way.
...Bill
Comment Written 07-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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Hi Bill. I am very pleased you not only understood but enjoyed my nostalgic poem. I really want to thank you for your marvelous tip as it made rethink the last two stanzas. I love your choice of phrases "we once walked" instead of "did walk." But I did not want to use the word "once" twice in successive stanzas. As a result, I rewrote the previous stanza as follows: Each anniversary we came/to say aloud our vows again/despite the loss of our two sons/ who died deep in Afghanistan. I have not edited the posted edition. I wanted your comments first. Rod
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Rod, that's a great solution to the problem. I wasn't thinking about the fact you used "once" in the previous stanza. I agree with you, I try not to repeat words, too. That's the beauty of word weaving. Best wishes!
...Bill
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I am delighted you approve of this solution. I will now edit the permanent posting. Thanks again, Bill, for your counsel.
Rod
Comment from mfowler
This is a beautifulpoem of love expressed through events of passing generations. The refrain:You were the cherry blossoms, dear, and I the dogwood standing near.........helps keep the theme front and centre and gives the poem great shape and momentum as it passes through phases such as early love.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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This is a beautifulpoem of love expressed through events of passing generations. The refrain:You were the cherry blossoms, dear, and I the dogwood standing near.........helps keep the theme front and centre and gives the poem great shape and momentum as it passes through phases such as early love.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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I thank you for this great review and am delighted you liked the poem so much.
Comment from SLHarper
This poem has beautiful rhythm, imagery and flow, except I am confounded by one thing: if the narrator and his love were "walking amidst these trees," why did you choose to use the metaphor of trees (which don't walk, obviously) to refer to the narrator? As lovely as your ditty is, I just can't seem to get past the ideas that trees don't walk...(unless you're in Middle Earth, that is) Lol! Just a minor technicality, which no one else seems to notice, but I just felt compelled to mention it, in case you feel like revising at some point in time... Looks like you'll be able to rest on your laurels for a while and leisurely edit as you see fit (or not...) :) Good luck to you! Steph
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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This poem has beautiful rhythm, imagery and flow, except I am confounded by one thing: if the narrator and his love were "walking amidst these trees," why did you choose to use the metaphor of trees (which don't walk, obviously) to refer to the narrator? As lovely as your ditty is, I just can't seem to get past the ideas that trees don't walk...(unless you're in Middle Earth, that is) Lol! Just a minor technicality, which no one else seems to notice, but I just felt compelled to mention it, in case you feel like revising at some point in time... Looks like you'll be able to rest on your laurels for a while and leisurely edit as you see fit (or not...) :) Good luck to you! Steph
Comment Written 07-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2014
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Wow! Thank you for your close reading and lovely review, Steph. To be honest, I never thought of the trees as a metaphor for the couple when they walked, only when they were standing at that site. The only time anyone walked was when she came down the aisle. I am, however, delighted you saw much more in the poem than I intended.
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
you have painted a beautiful love poem
your vivid images allow the reader to see and feel this in your chosen words
good alliteration in
while, we, walked
these, trees
some, spot
when, we, wed
saucy, smile
our, once
flows well easy read
cheers Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2014
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good luck in the contest
you have painted a beautiful love poem
your vivid images allow the reader to see and feel this in your chosen words
good alliteration in
while, we, walked
these, trees
some, spot
when, we, wed
saucy, smile
our, once
flows well easy read
cheers Smoothiecool
Comment Written 06-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2014
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Thank you, smoothiecool. I am delighted you enjoyed the poem's story and my use of poetic device. RodG
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most welcome..SC
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This work has both the bittersweet of blooming love, and continued live with vows. I also found it have both joy and sorrow - at least for me reading of "sons heroes lost from war."
Nice overall emotion, good imagery, and your rhyme seemed unforced - great job on this one.
Thanks for sharing it and good luck.
Maureen
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2014
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This work has both the bittersweet of blooming love, and continued live with vows. I also found it have both joy and sorrow - at least for me reading of "sons heroes lost from war."
Nice overall emotion, good imagery, and your rhyme seemed unforced - great job on this one.
Thanks for sharing it and good luck.
Maureen
Comment Written 06-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2014
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Thank you, Maureen, for your very encouraging review and thoughtful comments.
Comment from bard owl
Such a bitter-sweet story you have penned. I found this a very romantic write except I wondered about you saying "and all their blossoms sang of bees". I don't understand that. Anyway, best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2014
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Such a bitter-sweet story you have penned. I found this a very romantic write except I wondered about you saying "and all their blossoms sang of bees". I don't understand that. Anyway, best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2014
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I am delighted you enjoyed this bitter-sweet story. As for those bees, they were buzzing or singing, gathering nectar from every blossom. Thank you for sharing and your best wishes.
Comment from healfromwithin
and all their blossoms sang of bees. (Maybe sang with)
you sauntered toward me (can you find a more feminine, maybe flower-like word for sauntered?)
and on your lips a saucy smile. (Maybe, and on your cherry lips, a smile...painting a picture of her as very feminine will draw parallels to the cherry blossom's fragility.)
I loved the repetition, reinforcement of the cherry blossom/dogwood.
Nice work. This had a lovely feel to it.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2014
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and all their blossoms sang of bees. (Maybe sang with)
you sauntered toward me (can you find a more feminine, maybe flower-like word for sauntered?)
and on your lips a saucy smile. (Maybe, and on your cherry lips, a smile...painting a picture of her as very feminine will draw parallels to the cherry blossom's fragility.)
I loved the repetition, reinforcement of the cherry blossom/dogwood.
Nice work. This had a lovely feel to it.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2014
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I really appreciate your review and very close reading of this poem. I would probably agree "sauntered" is more masculine than feminine, but "walk slowly" has too many syllables and I wanted the "sau" sound in both "sauntered" and "saucy" to emphasize the bride's character. I am delighted you liked the poem so much.