notes from abroad
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "A Trip to Infamy"collection of poems and short stories
6 total reviews
Comment from surrender
There is something beautiful about this story. Truly wonderful! The twist in the tail pulled back to the very last word in the story. You couldn't have wrote it better. I read it a second time to check where you have given hints about that blesed ship. Beautifully crafted hint words - New York, Southampton Docks, Brass band, winter in the air.
Kudos!
I wish you had indicated the year somewhere.
One suggestion: instead of 'she whispered...' if you may, write she read out the name on the stern - Titanic.
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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There is something beautiful about this story. Truly wonderful! The twist in the tail pulled back to the very last word in the story. You couldn't have wrote it better. I read it a second time to check where you have given hints about that blesed ship. Beautifully crafted hint words - New York, Southampton Docks, Brass band, winter in the air.
Kudos!
I wish you had indicated the year somewhere.
One suggestion: instead of 'she whispered...' if you may, write she read out the name on the stern - Titanic.
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thanks for the helpful review, cheers
Comment from rod007
This is a great story. I loved it. The ending sent a chill up my spine thinking of the fate of the poor girl on the Titanic. well done.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014
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This is a great story. I loved it. The ending sent a chill up my spine thinking of the fate of the poor girl on the Titanic. well done.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the review. Chills was what I was looking for.
Comment from Eliza G
I enjoyed this story. I realized there was to a twist at the end , but I did not see that coming. Nice foreshadowing with the band going aboard.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014
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I enjoyed this story. I realized there was to a twist at the end , but I did not see that coming. Nice foreshadowing with the band going aboard.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the review. It was fun to write. The first reviewer said to pare it down a bit, so a few other 'clues" were eliminated, thanks
Comment from mfowler
What's clever here is that you don't give any hint as to time and situation apart from an upcoming journey. You blindsided me with the final disclosure of the boat's name. The beauty of using 'titanic' is of course that you don't have to tell that story. It's implied by historical record, and thus leaves that moment for you to create maximum impact in your flash. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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What's clever here is that you don't give any hint as to time and situation apart from an upcoming journey. You blindsided me with the final disclosure of the boat's name. The beauty of using 'titanic' is of course that you don't have to tell that story. It's implied by historical record, and thus leaves that moment for you to create maximum impact in your flash. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the wonderful review.
Comment from Dean Kuch
"WoW!" he exclaimed with delight. That was, indeed, quite a surprise. I wondered where you were going with this, what dark, winding, moonlight night you were leading us to. Well, I found out, and it was fantastic!
A perfect example of flash fiction done right.
Great work!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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"WoW!" he exclaimed with delight. That was, indeed, quite a surprise. I wondered where you were going with this, what dark, winding, moonlight night you were leading us to. Well, I found out, and it was fantastic!
A perfect example of flash fiction done right.
Great work!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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"Thanks so much for the wonderful review." she replied graciously.
Comment from humpwhistle
I like the way you held onto the surprise. You gave no clue as to the time period, or, in fact, where the girl was departing from. All that is good.
Flash fiction, though, isn't defined by word-count alone. It's more accurately defined by word-economy. You have a fine entry here, but you might want to go back and see if you can pare this down a bit. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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I like the way you held onto the surprise. You gave no clue as to the time period, or, in fact, where the girl was departing from. All that is good.
Flash fiction, though, isn't defined by word-count alone. It's more accurately defined by word-economy. You have a fine entry here, but you might want to go back and see if you can pare this down a bit. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the great review. I will pare it down to make it more concise, cheers Judester