Tiny Terrors
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Bug Problem"A collection of short horror fiction
40 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Oh yes this is really a creepy crawly write.
Maria... I'll handle this.......sounds just like real life too. Enjoyed this little trip down into the basement with Ronny.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Oh yes this is really a creepy crawly write.
Maria... I'll handle this.......sounds just like real life too. Enjoyed this little trip down into the basement with Ronny.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thanks for digging this one up and having a go at it, Pearl. I really appreciate that! ~Dean
Comment from Sasha
I have always been afraid of bugs...any bug and termites hold a high position on my list. Just looking their scary ten-story abodes is enough to send me into a fainting spell. Great work with this one...sorry I missed this one, I do HATE blind entry contests...blah, blah, blah.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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I have always been afraid of bugs...any bug and termites hold a high position on my list. Just looking their scary ten-story abodes is enough to send me into a fainting spell. Great work with this one...sorry I missed this one, I do HATE blind entry contests...blah, blah, blah.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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I have a lot of people who tell me the exact same thing, Sasha. You also take a huge risk when you enter one, as those who might normally read your work won't because they receive no notification.
They're really a pain in the tuckus! ~Dean
Comment from Spitfire
landing below looked alien, like an astronaut preparing to step on the surface of some far-off planet in another galaxy. > a good clue as to what is coming.
I'm going to make suggestions for tighter writing which you can take or leave, but want to give you your money's worth.
He threw open the door leading down to the dank, musty basement of his home. He wasn't any closer to getting rid of them than he was a week ago. The scritch-scratching of their disgusting, creepy-crawly legs, coupled with their incessant chewing on the wooden floor joists, were keeping him awake at night..
Do you need both dank and musty? Seems one is close to the other.
Delete disgusting. You could show it i.e. Same with creepy-crawly.
Ex: Bile rose in his throat as the scratching of their muli-legs drew closer. All that time, they never stopped chewing on the wooden floor joints, a sound that kept him awake every night.
Creepy description of his death. I assume it's a giant termite! Subterranean termites got into my former house and really did a number on the bookcases and books. Had to throw a lot away.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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landing below looked alien, like an astronaut preparing to step on the surface of some far-off planet in another galaxy. > a good clue as to what is coming.
I'm going to make suggestions for tighter writing which you can take or leave, but want to give you your money's worth.
He threw open the door leading down to the dank, musty basement of his home. He wasn't any closer to getting rid of them than he was a week ago. The scritch-scratching of their disgusting, creepy-crawly legs, coupled with their incessant chewing on the wooden floor joists, were keeping him awake at night..
Do you need both dank and musty? Seems one is close to the other.
Delete disgusting. You could show it i.e. Same with creepy-crawly.
Ex: Bile rose in his throat as the scratching of their muli-legs drew closer. All that time, they never stopped chewing on the wooden floor joints, a sound that kept him awake every night.
Creepy description of his death. I assume it's a giant termite! Subterranean termites got into my former house and really did a number on the bookcases and books. Had to throw a lot away.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Spit, I appreciate the comments, suggestion and the review. I look into those editing suggestions ASAP!
Comment from Silent1rose
Is it weird that this was a bit funny than scary to me? Anywho, good story. Very informative author note. I enjoyed reading this. ~ Rose
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Is it weird that this was a bit funny than scary to me? Anywho, good story. Very informative author note. I enjoyed reading this. ~ Rose
Comment Written 22-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Hah, not alt all, Rose. It is more dark humor or comedy than anything else, I think, so you were right on the money! Thanks for reading and reviewing it for me.
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LOL. Phew! I didn't want to be an odd ball finding this funny. :P
Comment from Jade Lawson
Congratulations for this winning contest. Great descriptions and I felt my tummy ache, honestly as I read what the bug did on the man. Great imagery and sense of picture in one's mind. You truly horrified me with this one. Great line the last one.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Congratulations for this winning contest. Great descriptions and I felt my tummy ache, honestly as I read what the bug did on the man. Great imagery and sense of picture in one's mind. You truly horrified me with this one. Great line the last one.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Hah, thanks, Angel, I am really glad you liked it. I appreciate you weighing in on it for me.
Comment from twoeggheads
I enjoyed this! You grabbed me with excellent dialogue from the beginning, and your descriptive detail were wonderful. The surprise ending was just perfect! Too bad he died, you could have continued. Well done!
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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I enjoyed this! You grabbed me with excellent dialogue from the beginning, and your descriptive detail were wonderful. The surprise ending was just perfect! Too bad he died, you could have continued. Well done!
Comment Written 22-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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Thanks very much, twoeggheads, and I am so glad you understand that this was a flash fiction piece (between 100-200 word count allowed). So many did not grasp that, for one reason or another. I can tell you know your stuff!
Thanks again, much obliged...
Comment from allborn66
This is a very interesting piece. Congratulations on your win. I would have liked to have a little more details about how the fatal blow was delivered.
Barbara
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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This is a very interesting piece. Congratulations on your win. I would have liked to have a little more details about how the fatal blow was delivered.
Barbara
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Barbara, and I sure would have liked to include those details. But, in flash fiction, they only give you between 100 to 200 words to work with, so you have to get a lot of information in a short amount of words.
Thanks again, and I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from goompa
I suppose the most complimentary thing I can say is that I'm very pleased not to have a house with a basement. This was scary as hell Dean and so much fun to read. What a great job!
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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I suppose the most complimentary thing I can say is that I'm very pleased not to have a house with a basement. This was scary as hell Dean and so much fun to read. What a great job!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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Hah, thanks, goompa. I am really glad you enjoyed this one!
Comment from jmdg1954
Well Dean, this is a well deserved contest victory. Your descriptive nature and choice of words is unsurpassed.
Gory, unpleasant story. I may not do any laundry in my basement for a while. Better go buy some new clothes...
John
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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Well Dean, this is a well deserved contest victory. Your descriptive nature and choice of words is unsurpassed.
Gory, unpleasant story. I may not do any laundry in my basement for a while. Better go buy some new clothes...
John
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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hah, thanks, John. Hit up those thrift stores, they have some excellent name brand clothing, LOL...
Comment from ragamuffin
I can certainly see why this story won. Not a whole lot of words, but definitely a complete story. I'm a little morbid I guess, but I really, really love the sarcasm of the last line. Great description, especially of the how the last sentence that the man spoke came out.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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I can certainly see why this story won. Not a whole lot of words, but definitely a complete story. I'm a little morbid I guess, but I really, really love the sarcasm of the last line. Great description, especially of the how the last sentence that the man spoke came out.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Thanks, ragamuffin, I appreciate that. I wish I could of made it much longer, but it was for a 100-200 word contest, so I had to keep the words very limited, make 'em all count.
Thanks again, my friend. Much obliged!