The Bounty Hunter
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Thirteen to One are Great Odds"Supernatural Bounty Hunter
8 total reviews
Comment from Twilightspire
Lmao. I love the dialogue in this, especially Oddball's comment. It went a long way to easing some of the tension and bringing the Spook Squad to a semblance of humanity. The transition between POV was done without a hitch with none of the "what the hell?" Quality those shifts can bring about. You did an excellent job keeping the story moving and great foreshadow with the helicopter.
-T.J.
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Lmao. I love the dialogue in this, especially Oddball's comment. It went a long way to easing some of the tension and bringing the Spook Squad to a semblance of humanity. The transition between POV was done without a hitch with none of the "what the hell?" Quality those shifts can bring about. You did an excellent job keeping the story moving and great foreshadow with the helicopter.
-T.J.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2013
Comment from pbroussard209
This was a great chapter bringing back fond memories of when I was stationed at Fort Sheridan. I spent a lot of time in Waukegan. I'm still a little in the dark as to why Jessie is helping him but I'm looking forward to finding out.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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This was a great chapter bringing back fond memories of when I was stationed at Fort Sheridan. I spent a lot of time in Waukegan. I'm still a little in the dark as to why Jessie is helping him but I'm looking forward to finding out.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you. I want to add more about this area in my writing.
Comment from Silent1rose
"Moving on." The Captain chose to ignore his idiot soldier. (I think you can do without this, 'The Captain chose to ignore his idiot soldier.' We can tell by the captains words that he chose to ignore the soldier.)
Now this is where is(change to it) gets tricky.
He doubted there would (be) more than that.
The Colt gave a slight buzzed (change to buzz) that Samuel had learned to take as a yes. For awhile during the drive he had his doubts (that) it would cooperate. The gun had been silent since he bedded with Jessie last night.
As, Samuel exited to join her his eagle eyes caught a glimpse of a black helicopter settling over the tree line with the setting sun. (Your comma should go behind 'her' not 'as'.)
Samuel pulled off the nice feeling polo and carefully stored in the trunk for safe keeping, and then donned the vest.
CONSIDER: Samuel pulled off the nice feeling polo, carefully stored (it) in the trunk for safe keeping, and then donned the vest.
Samuel slipped the heavy coat and sighed.
CONSIDER: Samuel slipped (on) the heavy coat and sighed.
OR: Samuel slipped the heavy coat (on) and sighed.
This chapter was great, besides the few missing words that threw me off every now and then. I love the bounty hunter. I'm always glued to my seat when I read it. I don't remember you having this many errors before. I will be more than happy to change your waiting when those things are fixed. Thanks for the read! :) ~ Rose
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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"Moving on." The Captain chose to ignore his idiot soldier. (I think you can do without this, 'The Captain chose to ignore his idiot soldier.' We can tell by the captains words that he chose to ignore the soldier.)
Now this is where is(change to it) gets tricky.
He doubted there would (be) more than that.
The Colt gave a slight buzzed (change to buzz) that Samuel had learned to take as a yes. For awhile during the drive he had his doubts (that) it would cooperate. The gun had been silent since he bedded with Jessie last night.
As, Samuel exited to join her his eagle eyes caught a glimpse of a black helicopter settling over the tree line with the setting sun. (Your comma should go behind 'her' not 'as'.)
Samuel pulled off the nice feeling polo and carefully stored in the trunk for safe keeping, and then donned the vest.
CONSIDER: Samuel pulled off the nice feeling polo, carefully stored (it) in the trunk for safe keeping, and then donned the vest.
Samuel slipped the heavy coat and sighed.
CONSIDER: Samuel slipped (on) the heavy coat and sighed.
OR: Samuel slipped the heavy coat (on) and sighed.
This chapter was great, besides the few missing words that threw me off every now and then. I love the bounty hunter. I'm always glued to my seat when I read it. I don't remember you having this many errors before. I will be more than happy to change your waiting when those things are fixed. Thanks for the read! :) ~ Rose
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you again. You have done me a great service and taught me a valuable lesson. No matter what time of the night it is, I will wake my wife up and have her read. I may eventually get divorced but at least my work will be properly edited.
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LOL I'd hate for you to feel the wrath of waking up your wife.
Comment from Mastery
Good writing here, Lance. Your images and dialogue are superb. :
"They stood shoulder to shoulder in two neat rows of six. The Captain stepped to the small nondescript podium. He, like those before him, wore no identification. They all referred to him as The Captain because that's what the Sergeant called him. If that was his true rank, they didn't know and would never think to ask.
And:
"The Bounty Hunter felt great being back behind the wheel of his Mustang, with the top down , driving south on Lake Shore drive. He felt even better having a pretty woman next to him. He liked the way the wind blew back her dark hair. The sun was on its way down. They both still wore their sunglasses and must have look like a wealthy couple out for an afternoon drive. He missed his old trench coat, but he had to admit, he kind of liked the Ralf Lauren Polo shirt Jessie bought him. She called it, grown man's clothes. He called it comfortable. He asked her how much it cost and she replied, 'nothing.' For that matter when he inquired how she got the mustang back, she said, 'I asked for it.' Remembering the strange effect her voice had on him that night he didn't doubt her"
Bravo! Keep up the good work. Bob (Mastery)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Good writing here, Lance. Your images and dialogue are superb. :
"They stood shoulder to shoulder in two neat rows of six. The Captain stepped to the small nondescript podium. He, like those before him, wore no identification. They all referred to him as The Captain because that's what the Sergeant called him. If that was his true rank, they didn't know and would never think to ask.
And:
"The Bounty Hunter felt great being back behind the wheel of his Mustang, with the top down , driving south on Lake Shore drive. He felt even better having a pretty woman next to him. He liked the way the wind blew back her dark hair. The sun was on its way down. They both still wore their sunglasses and must have look like a wealthy couple out for an afternoon drive. He missed his old trench coat, but he had to admit, he kind of liked the Ralf Lauren Polo shirt Jessie bought him. She called it, grown man's clothes. He called it comfortable. He asked her how much it cost and she replied, 'nothing.' For that matter when he inquired how she got the mustang back, she said, 'I asked for it.' Remembering the strange effect her voice had on him that night he didn't doubt her"
Bravo! Keep up the good work. Bob (Mastery)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you very much.
Comment from allborn66
It seems the Bounty Hunter has been attracting some attention to himself. I'm very interested to know where this story will go. I think it has great potential.
Barbara
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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It seems the Bounty Hunter has been attracting some attention to himself. I'm very interested to know where this story will go. I think it has great potential.
Barbara
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you.
Comment from lindalcreel
Your stories are always so interesting they pull the reader in from beginning to end. I like the imagination that goes behind the scenes. Samuel and Jessie seem to be a good pair, but no one knows but you what will be waiting for them once inside of that estate. Hopefully his trusted colt won't let him down. another great chapter. Thanks so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Your stories are always so interesting they pull the reader in from beginning to end. I like the imagination that goes behind the scenes. Samuel and Jessie seem to be a good pair, but no one knows but you what will be waiting for them once inside of that estate. Hopefully his trusted colt won't let him down. another great chapter. Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you for the great review.
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Welcome:)
Comment from judiverse
Interesting description of the Spook Squad. They sound like a tough bunch. They appear to be after The Cowboy. They seem quite intrigued with the sighting an angel landing at a motel. Samuel, in the meantime, is on his way to assassinate the Senator--Dick Durbin? That gets my attention. Jessie provides him with a bulletproof vest and grenades. Samuel wonders if the Colt will cooperate. Great going with this. judi
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2013
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Interesting description of the Spook Squad. They sound like a tough bunch. They appear to be after The Cowboy. They seem quite intrigued with the sighting an angel landing at a motel. Samuel, in the meantime, is on his way to assassinate the Senator--Dick Durbin? That gets my attention. Jessie provides him with a bulletproof vest and grenades. Samuel wonders if the Colt will cooperate. Great going with this. judi
Comment Written 02-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2013
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Thank you, Judi.
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Hi, lancellot. You're so welcome. judi
Comment from adewpearl
One by the soldiers filed - One by one?
I would change the punctuation in the They wore no...sentence
Vivid description of the Spook Squad
Each agent had to be ready 24/7. There was - I added the period
not even their teammates, - add comma
would morn - mourn
lay no reef on the grave - wreath
If that was his true rank, they - add comma
as it's 2013 - add apostrophe for contraction of it is
Samuel eased the mustang - Mustang
Good character development
an intriguing plot
Good dialogue that conveys well the attitudes and emotion of the speakers
You just need to work more on the technical side of your writing
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2013
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One by the soldiers filed - One by one?
I would change the punctuation in the They wore no...sentence
Vivid description of the Spook Squad
Each agent had to be ready 24/7. There was - I added the period
not even their teammates, - add comma
would morn - mourn
lay no reef on the grave - wreath
If that was his true rank, they - add comma
as it's 2013 - add apostrophe for contraction of it is
Samuel eased the mustang - Mustang
Good character development
an intriguing plot
Good dialogue that conveys well the attitudes and emotion of the speakers
You just need to work more on the technical side of your writing
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 02-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2013
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Thank you, Brooke. I do have to work harder on that.
