Comment from Sarah78

Excellent

Wow. Something about this poem really spoke to me. It was so haunting and poignant. The poem describes laughter in the world that the author cannot possess and that even in a place of healing his (her) laughter cannot be heard. It is a wonderful though terribly sad depiction of the process of rehab. I can almost feel the author's despair. My only question is the use of the word sole. Do you mean to use sole as in the sole of a shoe? The one one of its kind? I think the word you probably mean to use is soul as in a lost soul. Other than that, wonderful job.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2013

Thanks for the critique. I will check out your find and make the change.

Norm

Comment from DanielEkine

Excellent

a great insight of rehab.
great use of stanza
beautifully written and not overpowering to the eyes.

"The seclusion
Echoes me fondly
Betraying me
Calling me names
And shaming me
With irrelevance" my best part of the read.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2013

Hi; I see that you only gave the poem 4 stars. What can be done to improve it.

Norm

reply by DanielEkine on 20-Jul-2013

that should be a 5 star with such a dark and beautiful art work added.

reply by DanielEkine on 20-Jul-2013

that should be a 5 star with such a dark and beautiful art work added.
it's a good poem but there is always something I look for in a poem. the intense emotional connection. it tells me the author must have gone to a very deep part in their creation.
the poem sounded more like a narration or summary of a rehab. a little more description would definitely give it a five star.

reply by the author on 20-Jul-2013

Hi: Would you be able to change the rating to 5 star. I am putting together a poetry book for my family and all my poems have been 5 or better. I don't want this to be my first 4 star especially when I am almost through listing my 75 poems.

Thanks for your consideration,

Norm

reply by DanielEkine on 20-Jul-2013

okay then. no problem. I was just trying to help. would do it right away.

reply by the author on 20-Jul-2013

Thanks so much and thanks for you help. I only have to do 6 more poems before I had posted my entire collection.