Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens

Excellent

Quite a journey Norm, and look at you now. I am happy your days are 'happier' and the Norm in your life is now norm... You write so well, I study your compositions carefully, none of us are perfect, but yours sure comes close. Mistakes that I make help me to realize there was only 'One' who was mistake free. Great job, Carolyn

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2013

---

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013

I need your advice. I have about a dozen more poems from my depressed days. Should I list them or call depression a day?

Norm

reply by Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens on 28-Jun-2013

Norm, I am not sure I am qualified to advise, but you may want to save those very last ones for your book, in the sequence they were written, and or, keep them as a journal for yourself only. What ever works for you is what will work for everyone else. You are the one that did the writing, and you are the one that matters in the delivery of it. I don't know if this helps but hopefully it answers your question. It is strictly up to you. Good night, Norm and have a great ' Independence' Day Weekend', Your friend Carolyn

Comment from zeldasmith

Good

Only those who've gone through a deep, deep depression can understand the poet's thoughts. I am one of those having my own bane. I would've given you a five but you need to do a little editing on this one: FIRST SECTION: "...go instantly by(e) OR BY?" "...I am powerless to make the(m) understand..."; I(n) sink deeper..."; "...no on(e) to comprehend...". () indicates delete letter or add letter.
RECOVERED: The last line at very bottom threw me: Depression and Anxiety. You've recovered from your ills...I don't think you should add that particular line after all is done because: when I read it after your joy of healing, it sent me back to your darkness and I didn't want to go there. Just a thought. But otherwise good reflection. Keep writing.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2013

---

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013

Hi Zelda. I never finished the poem. This was written ten years ago when depression first hit. I kept verse two and verse three part of the poem even though they should have been erased. This is my first four star poem.

I am going to post poems that will say do not read. They are reminders of what happened on my suicide attempt and I just want to post them so I can print out all my poetry in one book. I really do not want four stars and I am afraid the nextr batch of poems are not good.

reply by zeldasmith on 28-Jun-2013

But constructive critique is good especially if you are going to compile them in a book. I only give below a five if there's more than one correction to be done. Take my critique of your poems and edit them before you put in your book. You have the potential to be a great poet, and to be a great poet you need to hone up on punctuation, etc. the rules of fanStory is to give a fair review. I'm not helping you if I over look your errors in punctuation, etc. reviews are meant to help the writer. Make your edits and let me know so I can review again. Certainly you wouldn't give a student ( if you were a teacher) an A on a spelling test if he got ten words wrong. Your dark poems can help other people with their own demons. I wrote a collection of poems years ago and a few told of my deep depression. My cousin in Indiana uses the book for therapy classes of the bereaved in her parish. So please don't take my four star reciew as being a bad poet. Your a good poet who needs to make corrections in his drafts. So go now and start editing. Keep smiling, and by all means keep writing.

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013

I will make the corrections. Funny, I never even considered a spelling in listing the poem.

You are the greatest,

Norm

reply by zeldasmith on 28-Jun-2013

We are all here to help each other. That's why God put us on earth. Glad to have found such a sincere and sensitive friend. Blessings friend and keep a joyful heart.

Comment from lorijean

Excellent

A well written verse, I understand it, a long as there is someone to help you through the difficult times, that certainly helps, but not a nice place to be....

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2013

---

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013

Thanks for the review. It was my first poem of my depression phaze.

Norm

Comment from Christof McTarnahan

Good

Nice journey through depression. In the beginning it was like you were swimming through black Vaseline, with no hope in sight.Then came the the light, and alas, you were rescued. Good mechanics and flow.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2013

---

reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013

Thanks for the review.