Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

i loved this one, sholess jo, an excellent telling of the dedication of a man who prays to God and his legacy of faith is shared with generations of those who follow after him. i enjoyed reading it.

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013

Thanks for the critique, Is there anything I can do to improve the poem?

Norm

reply by sweetwoodjax on 10-Jun-2013

no, i like this one just like it is.

Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

A very well written free style poem, with a lot of thought put into it,

He lifts
His creation
And admires its beauty
It is clarity in a golden bowl
His final gift to humanity

Thomas Edison would be proud. What a gift he gave us all.
Well done.

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013

Thanks for the critique. Is there something that could be done toimprove it?

Comment from notdeadyet

Good

I am not sure about this. Is it about someone famous or is it symbolic of every man who attempts to do good with his life? I liked the first stanzas where he had not yet started to work. This was a good description of a man nearing the end of his life. It is all well written. It is just confusing to me. Because the meaning is unclear I am giving it a good rating.

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013

Thanks for the critique. What are the ways it can be improved?

reply by notdeadyet on 10-Jun-2013

YOu need to explain in some way just exactly what he is developing. A few choice words would do it. by the way, what WAS he doing?

reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013

Developing the light bulb.

Norm

Comment from jobax

Excellent

I am reaching the age of the protagonist in this poem. A life filled with hopes, aspirations, failures,etc. and then the legacy ... the legacy! You have represented "it" well!! I don't know your age, but you are either there or you are wise beyond your years! Good job!

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013

Thanks for the comments. I am approaching the age.

Norm

Comment from SteveY

Excellent

Excellent job. Wonderful story. Was that about Edison? I think so. Beautifully written and had me spell bound throughout the entire thing.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013

Thanks for the critique. Is there anyway to improve the poem?

Norm

reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013

Thanks for the critique. Is there anyway to improve the poem?

Norm

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

LEGACY TO HAND DOWN FROM ONE GENERATION IS THE BIGGEST GIFT OF ALL FOR FAMILY TO SHARE STORIES AND HEARTFELT MEMORIES WITH ALL THAT WILL LISTEN AS TIME GOES ON

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013

Thanks for the review. Is there anything I can do to improve the poem?

Norm

reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013

Thanks for the review. Is there anything I can do to improve the poem?

Norm

Comment from MeganLinton1

Excellent

Beautiful.. The message is encouraging and raw. Inspires hope to the meaning of life yet despair for hope of something more, concurrently.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013

Thanks for the comments. Is there something I can do to improve the poem?

Thanks,

Norm

Comment from KarlAnonymous

Excellent

I struggle to stay interested in long free verse poetry, but you did a nice job using imagery to show the reader what was going on, so it became like watching more than reading. Nice use of line breaks, especially at the end between "For he loves them"//"All." Nicely done.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013

Thank you for the comments. Is there anything that can be done to improve the poem?

Thanks,

Norm

Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

The old man dreamt, lost, lamented losing time, failed to hit targets, started living anew, positively, later discovered moments of life well lived in space of time, he knew meaning of life, now all remember, nice. 1/609

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013

Thanks for the comments. Can you think of a way to improve the poem?

Thanks,

Norm