All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Can We Wish For Rain?"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
56 total reviews
Comment from words
I can see why this one won the contest.
The parched metaphor held throughout.
You have captured well the dry emptiness at the end of a relationship.
Love the closing lines:" can
we wish for rain? don't
say no
Wonderful!
Hugs,d
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2013
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I can see why this one won the contest.
The parched metaphor held throughout.
You have captured well the dry emptiness at the end of a relationship.
Love the closing lines:" can
we wish for rain? don't
say no
Wonderful!
Hugs,d
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2013
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bless you d. - glad you found this one! :)S
Comment from Patti R.
Wow, look at all the ribbons and bows! This Eleven77 format is dancing close with you, isn't it! This is such a beautiful poem, Sharyn. Congratulations on winning the contest, and hey, Congratulations for #1 Script spot, I've said it before - you rock.
p
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2013
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Wow, look at all the ribbons and bows! This Eleven77 format is dancing close with you, isn't it! This is such a beautiful poem, Sharyn. Congratulations on winning the contest, and hey, Congratulations for #1 Script spot, I've said it before - you rock.
p
Comment Written 20-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2013
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oh I'm so glad you found this one Patti! and thx for all the kudos! :))))S
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This one hits home for me.
Although I no longer wish for rain -
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I knew it would. Sorry ... for me also, much of the time.
Comment from Gregory K Shipman
And how elegantly you say what is so painful... how descriptive, how moving, how sad. There is so much here that easily brings images to mind 'dead conversation', 'screaming silence', 'blindly walk... without compass'... there is just so much...
And the last stanza?... Oh My! I love a poem or a story that rocks you back on your heels... a final thought, statement, exclamation...
turn to me... can we wish for rain? don't say no
Amen, Sharyn... Amen
greg
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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And how elegantly you say what is so painful... how descriptive, how moving, how sad. There is so much here that easily brings images to mind 'dead conversation', 'screaming silence', 'blindly walk... without compass'... there is just so much...
And the last stanza?... Oh My! I love a poem or a story that rocks you back on your heels... a final thought, statement, exclamation...
turn to me... can we wish for rain? don't say no
Amen, Sharyn... Amen
greg
Comment Written 19-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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oh I'm so glad you found this one! Thx my dear! :)S
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You know what you do to me... you magic writer, you!
Comment from Jendowoz
well this poem obviously went down well. Congratulations on the win. It has a very powerful message for a lot of broken down relationships. Well done.
regards, Jen
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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well this poem obviously went down well. Congratulations on the win. It has a very powerful message for a lot of broken down relationships. Well done.
regards, Jen
Comment Written 19-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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Thx so much Jen! :)))S
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Super. I'm not surprised you took the trophy on this one, Sharyn. Wonderful rhymes and fantastic use of imagery. Well done!
Av
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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Super. I'm not surprised you took the trophy on this one, Sharyn. Wonderful rhymes and fantastic use of imagery. Well done!
Av
Comment Written 19-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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thx so much Av! :)S
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is very well written my friend I suppose love can be regenerated if both parties wish to but normally once its dead it is dead congrats on the win regards Jill
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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This is very well written my friend I suppose love can be regenerated if both parties wish to but normally once its dead it is dead congrats on the win regards Jill
Comment Written 19-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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yep - you've got that right Jill. :)S
Comment from Walu Feral
You certainly know how to stir the emotions up in me like never before. I am so happy i joined this site. Wow, I learn and feel from you each time. Cheers Fez.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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You certainly know how to stir the emotions up in me like never before. I am so happy i joined this site. Wow, I learn and feel from you each time. Cheers Fez.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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glad to stir the emotional pot, Fez! I'm always learning, too, believe me! :)))S
Comment from donaldww
I like your 7-11 style poem, where you characterize the absence of love as a parched desert. The participants are hoping for rain, but as we all know, rain in the desert causes a dangerous flash flood.
Water whisks down the mountains and streams down the dry beds, and in a few minutes the water is gone and the runways are dry again.
I like the double meaning of compass in the 6th stanza. And a heart of stone must be uber-dry to have been desiccated, or to have lost interest. Great use of vocabulary!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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I like your 7-11 style poem, where you characterize the absence of love as a parched desert. The participants are hoping for rain, but as we all know, rain in the desert causes a dangerous flash flood.
Water whisks down the mountains and streams down the dry beds, and in a few minutes the water is gone and the runways are dry again.
I like the double meaning of compass in the 6th stanza. And a heart of stone must be uber-dry to have been desiccated, or to have lost interest. Great use of vocabulary!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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you got it right DW - thx so much! :)Sharyn
Comment from Charlene0513
To visionary1234,
Though written in the form of a Eleven77 poem you have illustrated a wish that there be no more dissension by asking for rain to drain all your tears away.
Very good use of a metaphor:
as sand-bleached bone
no tears to scald me,
A simile:screaming silence
parched, like desert, and
sucked dry
And a very excellent alliteration:
through scorched, sun-seared days
Charlene
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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To visionary1234,
Though written in the form of a Eleven77 poem you have illustrated a wish that there be no more dissension by asking for rain to drain all your tears away.
Very good use of a metaphor:
as sand-bleached bone
no tears to scald me,
A simile:screaming silence
parched, like desert, and
sucked dry
And a very excellent alliteration:
through scorched, sun-seared days
Charlene
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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Aaah - good reading - thank you so much Charlene! :)S
Comment from Black_Oxygen
do I love you
or did love wilt long
ago?
I like the way that this poetry is constructed.
It exudes hopelessness and hopefulness inside
the same poem. It held my interest from start
to finish (other poetry does not). Thank You
for your creation.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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do I love you
or did love wilt long
ago?
I like the way that this poetry is constructed.
It exudes hopelessness and hopefulness inside
the same poem. It held my interest from start
to finish (other poetry does not). Thank You
for your creation.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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thx Ron! :)S