Comment from RJFunston

Excellent

Hi,
I'm been out for a bit, death in the family and I have some medical issues going on.
I think you know how I feel about your writing, you are a talent writer with a creative mind. Your chapters amaze me.
I will try and catch up in the next few days. I have been told to take it easy and my wife is enforcing it.
Keep up the great work.
Robert

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2013

Thank you Robert.... this is a labor of love telling this story... and its all based on my sisters trip to England and I as her brother have every right to drag her and her husband into Every kind of situation I can think of...
Now listen I want you to rest, and agree with your wife, as I too am enforcing her rule over you... how sweet....I am sorry over the loss within your family.... blessing to you and your love ones..... take care... Bill

ps... my 2 cents worth....read everything you can about a balanced ph diet, including water... you will be amazed at the results....

Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

This is an interesting story that captures my attention from the start. The writer does a good job of slowly releasing details to hold the readers attention and heighten the readers suspense. The transitioning between events is smooth as this story is well balanced. The writer does a good job of setting up for the next chapter or future writing. Good work.

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2013

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2013

Gee.... how nice.... its always a crap shoot when I roll one of these out cause I do tend to overload with description... what I have been doing lately is throwing in stuff that connects the reader to something in another chapter before or one to come as most don't read every chapter... I wrote most all the chapters years ago and left it alone, coming back I have a different eye for things and where I can I try and fix things in the past chapters... I had a lot of past and tense problems, but those i am in hot pursuit of.... anyway... thanks for reading and reviewing and for your kind words... Bill

Comment from Shadow Pahn

Excellent

Well written piece. The dialogue works well, but it cuts your story into many pieces, but i guess that is just something that happens now and then.

Is Hager your muse?

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2013

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2013

Well now and then... that is the question i always wonder about.. cutting into many pieces... I seem to do it often in setting up the scene... usually I cut it down later, but It's hard for me at least to cut out parts, as I see them all interacting into the fabric of this story.... what I find though is after comments I am able to weed a few areas out... I have fun at writing and don't have a clue as how to do it properly... but I am learning.. this is a good place to do it... thanks for the nice review and stars... and Hager is actually my middle name.... thanks williamhager

Comment from Norbanus

Excellent

A power movement of the story, hager. Your character all hold up their end of the yarn, with outstanding dialogue.

Here's ons spot worth checking:

Looking down James realizes the mans('man's' or 'man is') right.

 Comment Written 08-Feb-2013

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2013

Thanks Fred you handsome man you... I wonder about getting too wordy and nipped it a little bit this morning in tell about all the tv spy stuff... and i think it works better... I sure enjoyed your piece in the ER.... it was a lesson.... take care and thanks.... bill