Comment from Rondeno

Good

You have your authentic authorial voice, no question about that. However, things take for ever to happen, because you are enjoying your verbal squibs. This chapter could be just as good at one-third its present length.

 Comment Written 29-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013

Whats a guy to do... yes I enjoy the squibs... a 1/3?
That will send me into a tailspin :-} or shock
But...

I like what you wrote... my feelings exactly....Finally... got some positive input... I started before the review of cutting a few things out... and I know I do tend to overwrite...which is not good if you want to keep someones attention.. and finding the proper eraser inside my head may be a chore... Thanks for the great review...and will chew on this a bit..... bill

Comment from Velvar Snide

Good

That was fun and kind of peculiar to read. The only thing that seemed kind of weird was the line about getting in more trouble than a monkey driving a car.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013

Monkeys.... well let me put it like this a monkey cannot drive a car... if it could, McCail would be worse.... Thanks for the read and review.... hager

Comment from Norbanus

Excellent

I wonder if this McCall we see here might just be Hager in (or not) disguise.Jasmine's almost comeupance is a worthy wind down to the story, hager.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013

Hi Fred... thanks for taking the time to read this and the stars.... It is really my brother-in-law... that is where his actions and personality come from... and I love him dearly... this whole story is based on my sisters trip to England.... and I being her brother have every to put her in any and all situations... anyway you take care... Thanks again... Bill

Comment from KirbyL.Thomas

Excellent

McCail is a very self controlled man. The way he describes his actions and attitude is very attentive and also blunt. The setting is also very attentive. What time of year did this story take please place? What did McCail do to get the woman's attention to the point where she calls him a bloody bastard? Very interesting characters and also the dialogue is very different. The lists makes McCail standout even more.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2013

---

reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013

Hi... Summer... this is a very interesting review for me... i like it. You are 100% right

"McCail is a very self controlled man. The way he describes his actions and attitude is very attentive and also blunt."

Well the list... I was really debating on it but it seemed a way to tell the readers about the previous chapters and what they may not have read.

This tells me that you are very observant and a clear thinker and you are also a kind person and one with backbone - strength, and apply yourself - nice..... you take care and thanks for the review.... bill