Steve's Poems for Kids
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Our trolley"A collection of my children's poems
51 total reviews
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a beautiful piece of writing about a cranky trolley that is likely to give one a troubled ride around town. The onomatopoeic devices are superb. very well done
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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This is a beautiful piece of writing about a cranky trolley that is likely to give one a troubled ride around town. The onomatopoeic devices are superb. very well done
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Perp.
Steve
Comment from Gypsy Starchild
What a delightfully fun cacophony! I really enjoyed reading this... The rhythm and flow were fun and lively. How dare you suggest omitting the third stanza? Its perfect. I say that any rule in poetry that stifles your creativity should be broken!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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What a delightfully fun cacophony! I really enjoyed reading this... The rhythm and flow were fun and lively. How dare you suggest omitting the third stanza? Its perfect. I say that any rule in poetry that stifles your creativity should be broken!
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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Thank you.
Managed to bend the rules and win a share of first prize so all is well.
Steve
Comment from isurp
This is a fun poem with an amazing amount of cacophony thrown in! My favorite line is: But she'll hurtle down the hillside, better hope there's no mistake.
The only concern i had was the length since it was supposed to be between 4-12 lines.
Thanks for the fun read. Keep up the good work. Write on! -Steve
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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This is a fun poem with an amazing amount of cacophony thrown in! My favorite line is: But she'll hurtle down the hillside, better hope there's no mistake.
The only concern i had was the length since it was supposed to be between 4-12 lines.
Thanks for the fun read. Keep up the good work. Write on! -Steve
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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Thank you!
I managed to bend the 12 line rule and still get enough votes for a share of first place.
Steve
Comment from Selina Stambi
I am very stingy with my sixes, but this one deserves it, kiwi, as your win so amply proves.
What a cacophony these lines create, to be sure!
A fabulous piece.
You are very talented, sir ... in addition to being a punctilious you-know-what!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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I am very stingy with my sixes, but this one deserves it, kiwi, as your win so amply proves.
What a cacophony these lines create, to be sure!
A fabulous piece.
You are very talented, sir ... in addition to being a punctilious you-know-what!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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Thank you, again. Glad you enjoyed the clangety-bang.
Steve
Comment from ravenblack
although this poem is not really my cup of tea, you make great use of cacophony. Nice rhythm to the poem too. I had a homemade cart as a kid and nearly killed myself flying down the hill accompanied by the same sounds.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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although this poem is not really my cup of tea, you make great use of cacophony. Nice rhythm to the poem too. I had a homemade cart as a kid and nearly killed myself flying down the hill accompanied by the same sounds.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from Kingsland
This poem is very creative in words used and in a sense of humor as well. This is written in a very good format and reads very smoothly. This was just an entertaining piece of poetic art to have read and written this response for... John
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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This poem is very creative in words used and in a sense of humor as well. This is written in a very good format and reads very smoothly. This was just an entertaining piece of poetic art to have read and written this response for... John
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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Thanks, John. Glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from PoeticXscape
What a great poem. Childhood memories are great to write about and share. This story is a worthwhile read. Thank you for sharing this.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
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What a great poem. Childhood memories are great to write about and share. This story is a worthwhile read. Thank you for sharing this.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from EMB
Ha! The Wilson boys shouldn't have a problem beating this bucket of bolts, but I don't know what they were sporting, so I really can't be sure. What I do know is that no insurance company would provide a policy for anyone willing to ride in this thing. LOL This was entertaining, my friend. :)
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
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Ha! The Wilson boys shouldn't have a problem beating this bucket of bolts, but I don't know what they were sporting, so I really can't be sure. What I do know is that no insurance company would provide a policy for anyone willing to ride in this thing. LOL This was entertaining, my friend. :)
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Edward.
Couldn't quite find the right picture for the ramshackle flyer I had in my head.
Steve
Comment from MM lives on :)
Dear poet, I typically cringe at the site of the word "aint" ..it is not my style or taste however the poem works to your point of winnign this contest..I am a fan of metaphors and loathe predictability..however, you are able to maintain a cadence and flow that worked well
Graet job
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
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Dear poet, I typically cringe at the site of the word "aint" ..it is not my style or taste however the poem works to your point of winnign this contest..I am a fan of metaphors and loathe predictability..however, you are able to maintain a cadence and flow that worked well
Graet job
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
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Thank you.
People do sayt 'ain't' and I guess I used it to illustrate something about the character of the narrator. I cain't say I'll never use it again... :o)
Steve
Comment from eowyn0003
A lot of cacophony going on here, and it RHYMES to boot. Who could ask for more? English is fluid so don't be surprised if onomonopia doesn't have a picture of you by it next year.
Lura
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
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A lot of cacophony going on here, and it RHYMES to boot. Who could ask for more? English is fluid so don't be surprised if onomonopia doesn't have a picture of you by it next year.
Lura
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Lura
I certainly believe the sound of poetry is a key factor...
Steve