All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Bleached Beaches"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
74 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I love the ingenuity and descriptions in this poem. A creative way to describe loneliness. This looks like a winner to me. Good luck!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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I love the ingenuity and descriptions in this poem. A creative way to describe loneliness. This looks like a winner to me. Good luck!!! Debbie
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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thx so much, Debbie - didn't win this one, but still a good write for me! :) Sharyn
Comment from Winslow
Dear Visionary,
A great lonely poem where a bleached beach (good alliteration) becomes the metaphor for a failed marriage. All the color has gone and now here I sit all alone.
This is a good contest entry, so good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Dear Visionary,
A great lonely poem where a bleached beach (good alliteration) becomes the metaphor for a failed marriage. All the color has gone and now here I sit all alone.
This is a good contest entry, so good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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thx so much Winslow! :) Sharyn
Comment from Curly Girly
Oh, what a sad poem; so full of disillusionment. The first half was so picture-perfect and now the second half is so lonely. It certainly meets the criteria, best wishes. CG
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Oh, what a sad poem; so full of disillusionment. The first half was so picture-perfect and now the second half is so lonely. It certainly meets the criteria, best wishes. CG
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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thx so much, CG! :) Sharyn
Comment from dmt1967
This is a poem I can relate to my friend what's that saying you can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely very well written good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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This is a poem I can relate to my friend what's that saying you can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely very well written good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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yes, you can indeed, my dear! :) sharyn
Comment from EMB
At first, I was thinking that this was a poem about a relationship that has gone south, but I'm not so sure about that. With the mention of the naked band that is still on the third finger, I'm thinking that this is a poem of a loved one leaving another behind, departed by death.
Either way, it's an awesome poem, Sharyn.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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At first, I was thinking that this was a poem about a relationship that has gone south, but I'm not so sure about that. With the mention of the naked band that is still on the third finger, I'm thinking that this is a poem of a loved one leaving another behind, departed by death.
Either way, it's an awesome poem, Sharyn.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Thx Ed - SUCH a pleasure to read a review from someone who really reads the work and doesn't say "nice flow of words" or "no spags". The piece could go either way, of course - however the band is "naked" because it's missing ... so I'd lean towards going south ... :)
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Oh yeah, I forgot! Nice flow of words, and I didn't find any errors to speak of. :)
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cheeky bugger! AND you forgot to say what nice art work I'd chosen, and "good luck in the contest"! shame shame shame! :)
Comment from Charlene0513
To visionary1234,
This poem depicts a person that is sullen and sorrowful possibly for the words that were said.
The emptiness is a dark and dismal place that only the person seeks penitence .
Very good alliteration noted.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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To visionary1234,
This poem depicts a person that is sullen and sorrowful possibly for the words that were said.
The emptiness is a dark and dismal place that only the person seeks penitence .
Very good alliteration noted.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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thx b1! :) Sharyn "Sullen"? not really!
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when I said "sullen" I meant it in the way that there were feelings of morose or down spirited said over things that had gone wrong.
My apologies if I misinterpreted it's meaning
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no biggie dear - sullen usually has overtones of "pouting" or "angry" I think, thus my puzzlement! :)
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Sharyn, I start to read and think to myself,"she is always so up and cheery" then I read on it becomes bleak, almost despair on a stick. You hit the prompt with a sledge hammer, well written.kindest wishes and good luck in the contest. James xx
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Hi Sharyn, I start to read and think to myself,"she is always so up and cheery" then I read on it becomes bleak, almost despair on a stick. You hit the prompt with a sledge hammer, well written.kindest wishes and good luck in the contest. James xx
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Haaa, sucked you in, James, hmm? thank you so much - I didn't win this one, but it was a successful write for me nevertheless.
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from justatuna
Can't give you a 6, or I would. This poem actually disturbed me a bit. Not sure why. Maybe it's because I've seen a change in your mood in the last few days. Perhaps it's because I understand. This was great. I saw the alliteration, but it wasn't over done. It worked perfectly. Exceptional.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Can't give you a 6, or I would. This poem actually disturbed me a bit. Not sure why. Maybe it's because I've seen a change in your mood in the last few days. Perhaps it's because I understand. This was great. I saw the alliteration, but it wasn't over done. It worked perfectly. Exceptional.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Thx Rob! I went through a period of my life similar to the last few 'beach despair' pieces - I've never forgotten it and even now, I can draw on those feelings. Let's just say I have a memory like an elephant. As an actress, of course, it's GOOD to have those feelings accessible. This prompt was "lonely" so it was easy to write, still, after all these years. AND you're a good detective, because yes, similar feelings have been coming up for me this week. I live with someone who's very unpredictable, so occasionally I get tweaked. Most of the time I can tune it out, but not always. And yes, I know that you understand those depths.
Blessings, as always,
Sharyn
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I knew it. You're cool.
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good instincts, my friend! :)
Comment from Glasstruth
Two worlds apart is the first and second stanzas. Love the alliteration and opposite view in
"when you hold my hand
bleached beaches burst
with sweet peaches and ice-cream dreams
&
but bleached beaches are bitter now, peaches soured,
cream congealed, dripping
gold-pitted dreams"
You definitely do like to roll in the hay with uour words. Superb! Les
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Two worlds apart is the first and second stanzas. Love the alliteration and opposite view in
"when you hold my hand
bleached beaches burst
with sweet peaches and ice-cream dreams
&
but bleached beaches are bitter now, peaches soured,
cream congealed, dripping
gold-pitted dreams"
You definitely do like to roll in the hay with uour words. Superb! Les
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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I do indeed, Les! And I thank you for having similar tastes - words are such playthings, sometimes, yes? A special thank you, my dear, for your magic '6'!
:) Sharyn
Comment from sunnilicious
Such extremes of feelings.... From bright to bleek. How quickly good memories can be forgotten. Well thought out. Nicely written. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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Such extremes of feelings.... From bright to bleek. How quickly good memories can be forgotten. Well thought out. Nicely written. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2012
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thx so much sunni!
Didn't win this one, but a good write for me, nevertheless! :) Sharyn