Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

I felt a chill go down my spine when I read this very good I can see this poem read on a spooky night good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012

Thanks again dmt, I fancy reading this around a campfire in the middle of a forest. :) Jaq x

Comment from TammyGail

Exceptional

Finally - Jaq Cee I thought the stifle would never end - excellent work crafting this verse for the contest - imagery was perfect alongside your ink - your poem will be a task to beat - rock it sister and best of luck

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012

Thank you so much my friend. To stifle is to lose out on much greatness. Glad it has ended also :). Your review is so very kind. :) Jaq x

reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012

Six stars. WOW. I'm humbled, thanks so much :) Jaq x

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

Yes this is very well written your dark poem unfolds very well creepy indeed and well presented good luck in the contest my friend regards Jill

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 16-Oct-2012

Thank you so much, once again, my friend. :) Jaq x

Comment from terry drake

Excellent

Your poem suits a Halloween season scary story. Your poem is graced with rhymes that add emphasis to your ghoul theme. The cadence drove us through each verse in appreciation to the story line.

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012

Thank you so much for your very kind review :) Jaq x

Comment from Alexmi1984

Excellent

I'm scared to review this poem. I believe that this means you've done your job to scare me, rather successfully. I loved your mix between rhyming lines and non-rhyming lines. I also enjoyed your poem's reading flow and the gooey images left behind by your monsters. I also liked the artwork a lot and found that it fit well with the poem.

Alex :)

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012

Thank you so much for your very kind review Alexmi. As always, much appreciated my friend. :) Jaq x

Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

That's perfect for Halloween. It's just creepy enough. I love the color scheme and the picture. One little thing, ogre's doesn't need the apostrophe.

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012

Thank you so much Cindy, I will rectify that now. :) Jaq x

Comment from EMB

Excellent

This was a terrific poem that takes readers through all of the possibilities associated with a spooking looking gate. The picture really does compliment this piece quite nicely. And your rhyming scheme was masterfully crafted.

Nice work here.

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012

Thanks very much Edward for your kind appraisal. :) Jaq x

Comment from Earl of Oxford

Excellent

Hi, Jaq.

Maybe try a black background and whitr foreground. This usually works best for spooky or 'dark' stuff, matches your artwork, and is easier on the eye than the current bland and slightly unclear presentation. Just my opinion and I understand if you disagree.

Your write is certainly spooky, gory and vivid. My only nitpic is you have some perfectly metered lines, and almost as many un-metered ones which interupts the flow. Also you start some lines emphasing the 1st syllable, and others emphasing the 2nd in the line.

I'd respecdtfully suggest you practise your ['da-DUMS'] and write verses in syllable counts of either 8888 or 8686 - the easiest to meter.

Some aren't interested in meter, but it lifts the poem to another dimention. You sura have the natural ability as shown in many lines here, so why not go the whole hog?

Fun and spooky read for sure.

Best wishes, Ray

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012

Ray I thought I'd already answered this. :( It's disappeared...LOL. Must be the ghostly goings on around this time.

I've changed the colour scheme and it is much better. I'll pm you about the rest.

Thanks for your time reading and reviewing.

:) Jaq x

reply by Earl of Oxford on 15-Oct-2012

I reckon that's MILES better, Jaq.

Another tip, in case you're unaware of it - if you go back to edit and 'click enter' AT END OF LAST LINE, then 'SAVE', this will create a gap at the bottom and present your poem more centralised. It sometimes takes a few goes to get right, and each time you do it. the gap at the top for some reason decreases, so that sometimes needs to be adjusted too. The gap at the bottom stays as per last edit.

xcx

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012

Thanks a lot Ray I will try that out now :) Jaq x

Comment from Jean Lutz

Excellent

Your words serve up a sm¶rg¥sbord of Halloween goodies. May they keep the trick or treaters satisfied. Artwork and color scheme drape your words well. Best to you with the entry.

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012

Thank you so much for your very kind words. :) Jaq x

Comment from rushingwater

Excellent

Very good poem you have created. Wonderful use of abab rhyme and the rhythm was perfect. I did not trip at all and it held my attention. I believe you will do well with this one! Great job.

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2012

---

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012

Very kind of you to read and review my poem. Much appreciated. :) Jaq x