haiku (moonlit night at beach)
A haiku15 total reviews
Comment from hollyinvesuvianite
This is a beautiful piece of work, Kamran. Each line is a gem, but the catalyst is that second line- loved it! I like reading it slowly as well. God bless, Holly
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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This is a beautiful piece of work, Kamran. Each line is a gem, but the catalyst is that second line- loved it! I like reading it slowly as well. God bless, Holly
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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I am honored and humbled by your visit and kind review, as always, I am grateful to you for your encouraging reviews, thank you very much my friend.
Comment from missy98writer
ameen786,
Your 5-7-5 poem is extremely well written with rich imagery painted by your three lines:
moonlit night at beach
echo tears tearing my heart
slow, slow salty tears
You used excellent alliteration with the T & S words.
You used great metaphor: "tearing my heart."
Your satori line is very good.
I'd recommend your well composed 5-7-5 Senryu reflecting human emotion to other reviewers.
It's a shame you didn't win the contest.
Please have a nice day,
Melissa.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2012
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ameen786,
Your 5-7-5 poem is extremely well written with rich imagery painted by your three lines:
moonlit night at beach
echo tears tearing my heart
slow, slow salty tears
You used excellent alliteration with the T & S words.
You used great metaphor: "tearing my heart."
Your satori line is very good.
I'd recommend your well composed 5-7-5 Senryu reflecting human emotion to other reviewers.
It's a shame you didn't win the contest.
Please have a nice day,
Melissa.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2012
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Melissa my friend, I am pleased to read your wonderful comments, thank you very much for stopping by, enjoy the weekend.
Comment from RJ
I liked your poem, and can feel the calming of the beach through your tears. Your words follow the contest criteria well. Good luck in the contest. RJ
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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I liked your poem, and can feel the calming of the beach through your tears. Your words follow the contest criteria well. Good luck in the contest. RJ
Comment Written 27-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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RJ my friend, I appreciate your visit and the wonderful review, glad you like the write, thank you very much.
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You are most welcome. I hope you enjoy mine as well.
Comment from terry drake
5-7-5 syllable count verse format challenge successfully accomplished with this three line poem. Congratulations with your poem and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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5-7-5 syllable count verse format challenge successfully accomplished with this three line poem. Congratulations with your poem and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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My friend, I am glad you like the poem, thank you very much.
Comment from gazzagodbod
this is great oozing with such sadness beautiful words and picture loved it thank you so much and all the best in the contest gazza
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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this is great oozing with such sadness beautiful words and picture loved it thank you so much and all the best in the contest gazza
Comment Written 27-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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gazza my friend, I thank you for your time and the wonderful review, take care.
Comment from adewpearl
Your poem is in good 5/7/5 form as the contest directs, but the contest also says to write about something you love - this sounds far more sorrowful to be something you love
I like the alliteration in your final two lines and your strong expression of emotion
Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Your poem is in good 5/7/5 form as the contest directs, but the contest also says to write about something you love - this sounds far more sorrowful to be something you love
I like the alliteration in your final two lines and your strong expression of emotion
Brooke
Comment Written 27-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Brooke my friend, I am grateful to you for your time and the constructive review, thank you very much. Given the sorry/sad habitat we live in, it's possible that some might be forced or have no option but to love sorrow and there are many in third world countries who love sorrow.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this haiku me poem about the tears that blend in with the ocean at night, good luck in the contest. remember, you don't cry alone.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this haiku me poem about the tears that blend in with the ocean at night, good luck in the contest. remember, you don't cry alone.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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swj my friend, so pleased you like the write, thank you very much.
Comment from huyba
This poem have many feelings. Have which relation the sea and tears, that is intense to tear the heart? And moonlit on beach become lost. Haiku is word little but its echo strong and deep.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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This poem have many feelings. Have which relation the sea and tears, that is intense to tear the heart? And moonlit on beach become lost. Haiku is word little but its echo strong and deep.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Hello huyba and thank you for your kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Second review
:-)) Namaskaram!
First review (FOUR stars)
Good 'haiku me' contest entry using a nature scene to paint a canvas of emotion. There is a glaring spag nit, however, which screams louder in poems of brevity, so you might want to revise...since the subject is singular, the verb needs to have an 's' on it.
I like the repetition in line three and the fine alliteration as well.
Good presentation except the picture is in daytime, not night. Might be better with a night beach painting or photo (or no photo at all).
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Second review
:-)) Namaskaram!
First review (FOUR stars)
Good 'haiku me' contest entry using a nature scene to paint a canvas of emotion. There is a glaring spag nit, however, which screams louder in poems of brevity, so you might want to revise...since the subject is singular, the verb needs to have an 's' on it.
I like the repetition in line three and the fine alliteration as well.
Good presentation except the picture is in daytime, not night. Might be better with a night beach painting or photo (or no photo at all).
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 27-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Deviji, namaskar and thank you very much for stopping by; appreciate the wonderful/constructive comments; will take a look and change, again, thank you, much obliged.
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Namaskaram and thanks for your gracious reply. Have upgraded! Love, rd
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Much obliged my friend, God bless you, namaste.
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God Bless you too dear friend. ;) *Namaste*
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Good thought and a good entry for a haiku contest. Wonderful creation here. But I would have prefer only the use of 'slowly' instead of 'slow, slow'.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Good thought and a good entry for a haiku contest. Wonderful creation here. But I would have prefer only the use of 'slowly' instead of 'slow, slow'.
ola thomas
Comment Written 27-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Ola my friend, glad you like the write, thank you very much.
