Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Coat-Tail Ghost"A collection of my poems
54 total reviews
Comment from Cumbrianlass
HAHA! Brilliant, Steve. And funny. I can understand your dad's panic! Who'da thunk he'd nailed his coat to the floor?
A great poem that would also make a great short story. See, we used to do such things too. :)
Av
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016
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HAHA! Brilliant, Steve. And funny. I can understand your dad's panic! Who'da thunk he'd nailed his coat to the floor?
A great poem that would also make a great short story. See, we used to do such things too. :)
Av
Comment Written 19-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016
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Thanks, Av, for taking the trouble to search this one out. I always think it would make quite a good dramatic poece for schoolkids to act out...
Steve
Comment from justmarly
For a great ghostly hand from the darkness
Gave my coat-tails a bit of a tweak.
Though I struggled and fought, he held tighter,
Till I let out an almighty shriek.
I could smell Dan Carew at my shoulder,
I could feel his foul breath at my throat,
And I couldn't abide to be eaten
So I tore loose his grip on my coat.
Home I streaked, my raincoat in tatters,
With Lenny and Tom at my heels,
And I told how the ghost had clung to me,
How he'd planned I'd be one of his meals.
In the cold light of day we went back there,
Just Lenny and Tommy and me.
We checked out the nail that I'd driven,
And the answer was quite plain to see.
Now the God-fearin' folk of that county,
Will still give a bit of a roar,
When they tell of the young fool at midnight
Who nailed his own coat to the floor.
I HAVE PUT THIS MUCH IN BECAUSE I LOVED THE WHOLE THING> THIS IS GREAT! YOU DID A GREAT JOB. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. mj
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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For a great ghostly hand from the darkness
Gave my coat-tails a bit of a tweak.
Though I struggled and fought, he held tighter,
Till I let out an almighty shriek.
I could smell Dan Carew at my shoulder,
I could feel his foul breath at my throat,
And I couldn't abide to be eaten
So I tore loose his grip on my coat.
Home I streaked, my raincoat in tatters,
With Lenny and Tom at my heels,
And I told how the ghost had clung to me,
How he'd planned I'd be one of his meals.
In the cold light of day we went back there,
Just Lenny and Tommy and me.
We checked out the nail that I'd driven,
And the answer was quite plain to see.
Now the God-fearin' folk of that county,
Will still give a bit of a roar,
When they tell of the young fool at midnight
Who nailed his own coat to the floor.
I HAVE PUT THIS MUCH IN BECAUSE I LOVED THE WHOLE THING> THIS IS GREAT! YOU DID A GREAT JOB. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. mj
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2013
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Thank you, Marly.
You must have trawled well back to dig up this old favourite of mine. I had fun with writing it. My Dad always swore the story was true and he was one of those waiting outside....
Steve
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I read this and loved it. You did well. MJ
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I read this and loved it. You did well. MJ
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I read this and loved it. You did well. MJ
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I read this and loved it. You did well. MJ
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I read this and loved it. You did well. MJ
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I read this and loved it. You did well. MJ
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I read this and loved it. You did well. MJ
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I read this and loved it. You did well. MJ
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I read this and loved it. You did well. MJ
Comment from Dean Kuch
Minor Characters: Tommy, Len, Fred.
Major Characters: The storyteller, or protagonist. Dan Carew, the Coat-tail tugging ghost.
Years ago, I read this story as a child in story form about a boy who accepted a dare to sleep upon the grave of a child murderer. Only in that story, the young lad impaled his shirttails with a pocket knife, which met with similar results. So, I detracted a star for "originality". Otherwise, this would have merited a six star rating as far as I'm concerned. Also, a couple of things made me stop and have to re-read them again. They simply did not seem to flow with the rest of your poem. I have noted them below:
1) "And my heart [gave a kind of] lurch." This line read oddly to me. Maybe it was the accent your story teller was using? I read it in my mind as follows: 'And my heart began to lurch.'
2) 'Make sure [that] you meet me here.' Lose "that" to read 'Make sure you meet me here.' The flow of syllables reads much smoother.
Other than the aforementioned, this was a tall tale of tingling terror that made me relive the night I finished this in story form. I was horrified!
Great writing overall...
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2013
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Minor Characters: Tommy, Len, Fred.
Major Characters: The storyteller, or protagonist. Dan Carew, the Coat-tail tugging ghost.
Years ago, I read this story as a child in story form about a boy who accepted a dare to sleep upon the grave of a child murderer. Only in that story, the young lad impaled his shirttails with a pocket knife, which met with similar results. So, I detracted a star for "originality". Otherwise, this would have merited a six star rating as far as I'm concerned. Also, a couple of things made me stop and have to re-read them again. They simply did not seem to flow with the rest of your poem. I have noted them below:
1) "And my heart [gave a kind of] lurch." This line read oddly to me. Maybe it was the accent your story teller was using? I read it in my mind as follows: 'And my heart began to lurch.'
2) 'Make sure [that] you meet me here.' Lose "that" to read 'Make sure you meet me here.' The flow of syllables reads much smoother.
Other than the aforementioned, this was a tall tale of tingling terror that made me relive the night I finished this in story form. I was horrified!
Great writing overall...
Comment Written 17-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2013
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Dean, thanks for finding and reviewing this - my father always swore this was a true story and he was one of those waiting while his cousin was the terror-stricken one inside the church.
yes, I did try to capture something of the NZ accent and way of speech, so didn't worry too much about some slight unevenness of the meter.
Thanks again.
Steve
Comment from Elaine Christie
The image went well with the poem. I liked the alliteration and rhymes and the comical ending which I could foresee coming, but I don't think that spoilt it for me. I enjoyed it hugely!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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The image went well with the poem. I liked the alliteration and rhymes and the comical ending which I could foresee coming, but I don't think that spoilt it for me. I enjoyed it hugely!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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And now I know you're really in the dust and cobwebs.
Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from bob cullen
Simply loved it. The imagery was fantastic, the rhyme great and the meter balanced. What more could one ask. Had I been the judge the result would have seen the gold medal awarded to new zealand.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Simply loved it. The imagery was fantastic, the rhyme great and the meter balanced. What more could one ask. Had I been the judge the result would have seen the gold medal awarded to new zealand.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Bob - I didn't even have to bowl underarm....
Steve
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Bowl underarm, perhaps we should be trying that against the poms at the moment
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... and us against the Windies :o((
Comment from Ekim777
marvellous and I thought my entry was good, The colloquial language is the heart and spirit of the piece. Even the story line took second place. By the second verse we were wrapped in it. Who can deny it was your own voice speaking but I can see your own father standing sternly at your shoulder,prompting you. -ekim777
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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marvellous and I thought my entry was good, The colloquial language is the heart and spirit of the piece. Even the story line took second place. By the second verse we were wrapped in it. Who can deny it was your own voice speaking but I can see your own father standing sternly at your shoulder,prompting you. -ekim777
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Mike - I too thought the narrative voice might 'swing' this one - third equal, again! I went looking for your entry and had to trawl through about twenty pieces to find it - you've been a busy boy!
Steve
Comment from yonashalom
Very nice tale. Well written and told. Congratulations on your win. I enjoyed the read. It is very suspenseful. Thanks for sharing. ~Yona
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012
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Very nice tale. Well written and told. Congratulations on your win. I enjoyed the read. It is very suspenseful. Thanks for sharing. ~Yona
Comment Written 05-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Yona
Steve
Comment from Suzie Q
Absolutely brilliant! I haven't been this enthralled with a story in a long time. Brought back a lot of "campfire" memories. You had me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end. Too many great stanzas to single out one. great job!! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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Absolutely brilliant! I haven't been this enthralled with a story in a long time. Brought back a lot of "campfire" memories. You had me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end. Too many great stanzas to single out one. great job!! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 30-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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Thank you, Suzie Q (still rhyming)
I appreciate the review and the six stars - not holding my breath for the contest win - I never do well in these site ones...
Steve
Comment from squid152
I loved:phones stayed on the wall, No dang in Ipod bizmos, the torch I layed down hammered and nailing his coat to the floor-Squid
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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I loved:phones stayed on the wall, No dang in Ipod bizmos, the torch I layed down hammered and nailing his coat to the floor-Squid
Comment Written 30-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Squid - glad you appreciated.
Steve
Comment from jgirlie152
Oh my, this is so terrific I laughed out loud at the ending. Never expected that. Wonderful imagination here and well told, picturing young lads fearful in the dark and terrified. Keep up the good work, hope you have more of these terrific tales.
Blessings, Joan
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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Oh my, this is so terrific I laughed out loud at the ending. Never expected that. Wonderful imagination here and well told, picturing young lads fearful in the dark and terrified. Keep up the good work, hope you have more of these terrific tales.
Blessings, Joan
Comment Written 30-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the great review and the six stars. If you poke around in my portfolio you might like Smiler Jack (with or without the alternative ending!) or Country Justice or even Bathroom Incident....
Steve