Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Gima: Gima's Vertant Spirit"fantasy adventure
17 total reviews
Comment from Tina55
True to Jacknel's character, he doesn't see Gima, or even a female, but a 'huddling, wide-eyed split-tail'. It sounds cold and cruel - perfect for Jacknel.
Jacknel's deep-set purple eye twitches as thoughts of torture retool his face, and he unlocks a spring-ring just inside the cage, releasing Gima's chain. (Great line! I love ...as thoughts of torture retool his face...)
He accents each word with a sudden, sadistic pull. (Another great line.)
He laps his pierced tongue along the red path and moans, savoring flavors of fresh air and paw-paws, lakeside mushrooms and fear.(This one gave me goose bumps)
Flirtatiously, one dangle curves and shows its barbs. The other, Jacknel's favorite, enlarges with its gold nugget and amber implants protruding on its sides. (Giving such detail as to say he has a favourite dangle, just highlights your immense talent in this genre!)
He breathes her in. (Great)
You never fail to write with a deadly sharp edge, Ellen!!
Ready for the prize, Jacknel squats to face it, to open it. His purple eye glimmers when he spreads Gima's legs; he grunts deep persuasive sounds, licking her smooth calf and inner thighs while he ties her ankles to the narrow, marble table's stone, clawfoot legs. Deformity to perfection, the powerful vermel stops to stare at what he'll take, and breathes her in. (Bravo!)
With a firm grip on her hair, Jacknel lifts Gima's head back and slams it into the table. "I'm just warming you up, my sweet. You'll like this little game. Have you nothing to say?" The open gash on her forehead sends warnings to her entire body. She hears Trell's voice - 'I should have done nothing ... not said a word' - and Gima shuts down. (Brutal, vivd - you have me by the roots of my hair not his one. Great writing!)
It crawls over Gima's arm and exits via a shaking finger, the only evidence that she suffers. (Ugh. I'm squirming in my seat. This cold fusion!)
Your last paragraph is a beautiful description of how we turn into ourselves when we need to ride out a horror. It epitomizes the strength that turns on Tavish.
:-)
Great, skin-crawling write!
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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True to Jacknel's character, he doesn't see Gima, or even a female, but a 'huddling, wide-eyed split-tail'. It sounds cold and cruel - perfect for Jacknel.
Jacknel's deep-set purple eye twitches as thoughts of torture retool his face, and he unlocks a spring-ring just inside the cage, releasing Gima's chain. (Great line! I love ...as thoughts of torture retool his face...)
He accents each word with a sudden, sadistic pull. (Another great line.)
He laps his pierced tongue along the red path and moans, savoring flavors of fresh air and paw-paws, lakeside mushrooms and fear.(This one gave me goose bumps)
Flirtatiously, one dangle curves and shows its barbs. The other, Jacknel's favorite, enlarges with its gold nugget and amber implants protruding on its sides. (Giving such detail as to say he has a favourite dangle, just highlights your immense talent in this genre!)
He breathes her in. (Great)
You never fail to write with a deadly sharp edge, Ellen!!
Ready for the prize, Jacknel squats to face it, to open it. His purple eye glimmers when he spreads Gima's legs; he grunts deep persuasive sounds, licking her smooth calf and inner thighs while he ties her ankles to the narrow, marble table's stone, clawfoot legs. Deformity to perfection, the powerful vermel stops to stare at what he'll take, and breathes her in. (Bravo!)
With a firm grip on her hair, Jacknel lifts Gima's head back and slams it into the table. "I'm just warming you up, my sweet. You'll like this little game. Have you nothing to say?" The open gash on her forehead sends warnings to her entire body. She hears Trell's voice - 'I should have done nothing ... not said a word' - and Gima shuts down. (Brutal, vivd - you have me by the roots of my hair not his one. Great writing!)
It crawls over Gima's arm and exits via a shaking finger, the only evidence that she suffers. (Ugh. I'm squirming in my seat. This cold fusion!)
Your last paragraph is a beautiful description of how we turn into ourselves when we need to ride out a horror. It epitomizes the strength that turns on Tavish.
:-)
Great, skin-crawling write!
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, Tina. You alway make me feel that I've done it well, and I appreciate that so very much.:) ellen
Comment from strandregs
good story , flows well got caught on - gulps a long pull of euphoric blue and shutters as it enters his...
shutters?
There's nothing like alien sex to make you say yuk, I can't wait for her to be saved...Z.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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good story , flows well got caught on - gulps a long pull of euphoric blue and shutters as it enters his...
shutters?
There's nothing like alien sex to make you say yuk, I can't wait for her to be saved...Z.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Z. It's shudder. My bad. Everyone is ready for her to be saved. I have more to do to get them there. Anticipation is a good thing. I hope. :) BD
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Right on , make them beg.Z.
Comment from tinams
This is a compelling read. Sick and sadistic in subject vivid descriptiveness and imagery makes you want to read on. That Jacknel is an evil character and I hope he gets his just desserts :) Tina
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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This is a compelling read. Sick and sadistic in subject vivid descriptiveness and imagery makes you want to read on. That Jacknel is an evil character and I hope he gets his just desserts :) Tina
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Tina. We are nearing the end and he will.:)
Comment from adewpearl
You create such a terrible sense of suspense and danger as Gima awaits the same kind of torture she just finished witnessing
Excellent verb choices add so much to the power and feel of this scene
You make this Jacknel character as creepy and despicable as possible
Your pacing is impeccable as all of this plays out slowly
And poor Gima, I love that she refuses to cry out and give him that satisfaction
Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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You create such a terrible sense of suspense and danger as Gima awaits the same kind of torture she just finished witnessing
Excellent verb choices add so much to the power and feel of this scene
You make this Jacknel character as creepy and despicable as possible
Your pacing is impeccable as all of this plays out slowly
And poor Gima, I love that she refuses to cry out and give him that satisfaction
Brooke
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Brooke for your review. We hate him and are proud of her. Now, we move on. If it gets tedious let me know. I wish I could post quicker. LOL Posting slows the pace!:) e
Comment from purrfect tale
This was sick! But in a Vermel sort of way. LOL. Great description in this chapter. It makes me want to drop a nuclear bomb on Below City.
Notes:
Reminder: all numbers under 100 should be written out.
In (retaliatory) response(,) Jacknel's cadaverous smelling
The open gash on her forehead sends - question: Is she fastened face down on this table? If not, how did slamming her head make her forehead. If so, you should tell the reader that above when he first handcuffs her to the table.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2012
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This was sick! But in a Vermel sort of way. LOL. Great description in this chapter. It makes me want to drop a nuclear bomb on Below City.
Notes:
Reminder: all numbers under 100 should be written out.
In (retaliatory) response(,) Jacknel's cadaverous smelling
The open gash on her forehead sends - question: Is she fastened face down on this table? If not, how did slamming her head make her forehead. If so, you should tell the reader that above when he first handcuffs her to the table.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2012
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Thank you, PT. I added 'face down' to the initial fastening her to the table. And made sure her feet were on the floor when he tied her ankles. It's good that you want to destroy Bellow City.:) LOL
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Well, you did warn me that it wasn't gonna be any prettier! Wow. That Jacknel is a real piece of nastiness. Fantastic descriptive passages in this chapter, Ellen. Gima's courage and spirit is amazing. The poor thing. Can't wait to see how this all turns out.
Great writing.
Av
:o)
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2012
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Well, you did warn me that it wasn't gonna be any prettier! Wow. That Jacknel is a real piece of nastiness. Fantastic descriptive passages in this chapter, Ellen. Gima's courage and spirit is amazing. The poor thing. Can't wait to see how this all turns out.
Great writing.
Av
:o)
Comment Written 26-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Av. Everyone is sad reading this right now. I can feel that in the reviews. I think many don't have the will to comment after this ordeal. It's hard to see the heroine suffer and not be able to read on. I hate these short postings. Grrrr.:)
Comment from linnietwotymez
This is brilliant. I don't have a six to give you and I wish I did. The story is sick and sadistic in my opinion, but your word play is as strong as ever. Jacknel is a very evil person and I can't wait to see him suffer as he causes the suffering of others.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2012
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This is brilliant. I don't have a six to give you and I wish I did. The story is sick and sadistic in my opinion, but your word play is as strong as ever. Jacknel is a very evil person and I can't wait to see him suffer as he causes the suffering of others.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much. He is sick and sadistic, so mission accomplished--we want him to die, preferably suffering. :)e
Comment from Gungalo
Oh poor Gima BD. How does she do it, keep quiet with all that torture? Sigh if she survives this she will have to go back and kill Jackne'. Oh Trell, where are you?
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2012
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Oh poor Gima BD. How does she do it, keep quiet with all that torture? Sigh if she survives this she will have to go back and kill Jackne'. Oh Trell, where are you?
Comment Written 25-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2012
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Hi, G. Thank you for a great review. It's important that we hate Jacknel. Now, we can move on. Also, the call by the reader for Trell to come ... great review, telling me we are on track. :) reporting these emotions is what I need. Emotions are driving us now. Big Hug for reporting your feelings. :) BD
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Sigh , he is awful BD.
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They'll be there soon. This slow posting is holding things up. I'm reviewing like mad. :)
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Ellen. This must have been a difficult chapter to write. It's so real! What a horrible creature Jacknel is, and it will be a pleasure to see him come to a bad end thanks to Trell. I found your last paragraph quite moving and a beautiful depiction of Gima's inner strength. Can't see a thing I would change, here. I found this a great additional chapter to your novel, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Hi, Ellen. This must have been a difficult chapter to write. It's so real! What a horrible creature Jacknel is, and it will be a pleasure to see him come to a bad end thanks to Trell. I found your last paragraph quite moving and a beautiful depiction of Gima's inner strength. Can't see a thing I would change, here. I found this a great additional chapter to your novel, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 25-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Bev for your review. It's good that you did see Gima's strength. We really haven't see that side of her until now. She will be able to shine as we go forward. Waiting for the boys ... Onward we go. :) e
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You're very welcome, Ellen, as always. Bev
Comment from cvcopac
What next, violet? This is some exceptional writing. Your descriptions show us every bit of the monster and read with passion and emotion. The details, Extremely brutal. I seen this scene as if I was watching a movie. Gima's passivity and the anology of birthing was great. While we wait for trell we'll be well entertained and wondering if he'll get there in time. Will Hunter and Asmal be well enough to assist? The story is getting heavy, lots of options.
Prologue: Last sentence is awkward and confusing--two parts.
"After bad day at the arena" (a)?
"even with a slow box office" I think even is confusing and makes the sentence awkward, maybe--and? or something.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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What next, violet? This is some exceptional writing. Your descriptions show us every bit of the monster and read with passion and emotion. The details, Extremely brutal. I seen this scene as if I was watching a movie. Gima's passivity and the anology of birthing was great. While we wait for trell we'll be well entertained and wondering if he'll get there in time. Will Hunter and Asmal be well enough to assist? The story is getting heavy, lots of options.
Prologue: Last sentence is awkward and confusing--two parts.
"After bad day at the arena" (a)?
"even with a slow box office" I think even is confusing and makes the sentence awkward, maybe--and? or something.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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I fixed the awkward sentence in the prologue. It needed it.:) We are in Bellow City passing time and learning to hate people. Trell thinks she's dead. Meanwhile the men are healing ... I have it written ... of course they'll be coming but we have to wander around and refresh hate. People are hating Jacknel. Yippee! I think she was pretty damn strong. You're the first to not that with her passivity ... just get through it attitude ... to survive. Thank you much. I treasure your reviews.:)
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Her strength shines through this episode. Hate just explodes here. If the site would have allowed it I would have given you a six on this one too. Some very good writing.