The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "John tells the family"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
3 total reviews
Comment from bowls
Another interesting segue into the past for background information. You've taken care of quite a bit in this section. One thing that strikes me here is the colloquial nature of your writing. I find it charming, but if you are seeking an international audience, I wonder if it is too remote. I speak of turns of phrase such as "Dutch courage" and the allusion to the "Corrs". In your last par. did you mean to write "After at least" or "After two" rather than "After at"? I'm all set for the next segment!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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Another interesting segue into the past for background information. You've taken care of quite a bit in this section. One thing that strikes me here is the colloquial nature of your writing. I find it charming, but if you are seeking an international audience, I wonder if it is too remote. I speak of turns of phrase such as "Dutch courage" and the allusion to the "Corrs". In your last par. did you mean to write "After at least" or "After two" rather than "After at"? I'm all set for the next segment!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2012
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Thanks for your comment. I will check the last para.
Comment from LancsLass
Hello, I'm still reading The Eden Tree, and still think you have the essence of a really good story here. Great title by the way.
There are many cliches in the writing which detract from the authenticity of the narration. And the writing needs tightening and refining. Which is the thing we're all here to learn, keep learning :)
parfait - French dessert
au fait - translates as up to date
You have a great imagination.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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Hello, I'm still reading The Eden Tree, and still think you have the essence of a really good story here. Great title by the way.
There are many cliches in the writing which detract from the authenticity of the narration. And the writing needs tightening and refining. Which is the thing we're all here to learn, keep learning :)
parfait - French dessert
au fait - translates as up to date
You have a great imagination.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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Thanks for your great comment, and patience with my scribble.
Comment from Mary-Ann
The story is interesting. Definitely something new and it certainly showed how supersticious people can be. When I read the first paragraph I become lost between the different characters ; not sure which caracter was the most important. The story seemed rushed as if the writer is somehow in a hurry to finish it. The characters was all over the place; confusing ; but the piece was great. Just need a little work here and there ; keep on writing. It just shows that people can believe in the strangest things.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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The story is interesting. Definitely something new and it certainly showed how supersticious people can be. When I read the first paragraph I become lost between the different characters ; not sure which caracter was the most important. The story seemed rushed as if the writer is somehow in a hurry to finish it. The characters was all over the place; confusing ; but the piece was great. Just need a little work here and there ; keep on writing. It just shows that people can believe in the strangest things.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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Thanks again for your great comment and advice. I did wonder of chapter 8 was ready for the public..but hey, criticism helps!