The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 47 "The Red Dress chapter forty-seven"The story of a teenage girl
16 total reviews
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
When Karen got back from her night out[,] she had tapped
Lisa saw Nick's hand shaking with emotion on his lap, --- I think this is akin to a split infinitive. How about:
Lisa saw Nick's hand on his lap, shaking with emotion,
Good job building the suspense.
Roberta
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012
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When Karen got back from her night out[,] she had tapped
Lisa saw Nick's hand shaking with emotion on his lap, --- I think this is akin to a split infinitive. How about:
Lisa saw Nick's hand on his lap, shaking with emotion,
Good job building the suspense.
Roberta
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, Roberta. I must admit it's been a very peculiar feeling not posting on a daily basis! I am now spending hours transferring the reviewed chapters back onto my lap top so that I can print them out at the end of the week. I'm still finding mistakes as I do, and it seems like a never ending job! Alexis x
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I've always kept my original on the computer and corrected it as I read through the reviews, marking each change with a *. Then I edit the posting and make the changes there so reviewers don't keep telling me about the same spags. When I'm finished with all the reviews, I have pretty close to a good copy on my computer. I then put all the chapters in one long file and go through it for a final edit.
Comment from Anthony Crosbie
I love this story. Nick is everyones worst nightmare and this comes across so well. The dialogue is first rate and the story is so well written.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012
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I love this story. Nick is everyones worst nightmare and this comes across so well. The dialogue is first rate and the story is so well written.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012
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I am so pleased you have enjoyed it. Having read your last two reviews, I'm so happy, and look forward to thanking you. Alexis x
Comment from G.B. Smith
OK Alexis
Here's what I think, since were coming to the end, Nick tries to kill Alan, Alan heard all the crap on the phone and is racing to the car. Nick shoots............................
Continued till the next nervous breakdown
Bear
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012
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OK Alexis
Here's what I think, since were coming to the end, Nick tries to kill Alan, Alan heard all the crap on the phone and is racing to the car. Nick shoots............................
Continued till the next nervous breakdown
Bear
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012
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Well you now know! I have been holding back replying until I knew you'd read it all, Bear. Thank you so much for your review and fabulous encouragement. Alexis x
Comment from adewpearl
thinking about her, and how - drop the comma
I need to know, Lisa - add comma for direct address
Let me pull over, Nick, we're coming - pullover, Nick. We're coming
Excellent dialogue between Nick and Lisa as she extracts a confession from him
No I haven't, Lisa -add comma for direct address.
No I haven't, Lisa. - add period
she lent her head on her arms - leaned
Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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thinking about her, and how - drop the comma
I need to know, Lisa - add comma for direct address
Let me pull over, Nick, we're coming - pullover, Nick. We're coming
Excellent dialogue between Nick and Lisa as she extracts a confession from him
No I haven't, Lisa -add comma for direct address.
No I haven't, Lisa. - add period
she lent her head on her arms - leaned
Brooke
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, Brooke, for both your really helpful review and your eagle eye. Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
He was the one who had not only told her that he was marrying her, but how much he loved her. --This is confusing, the last part... but how much he loved her? DO you mean 'and' how much he loved her?
She and Dave were just as frustrated about the outcome in court the day before as Alan was, having spent months putting together the case.--?? Months putting the case together? I thought Lisa discovered it, took the info to Richard, and it all happened rather fast.Am I missing something?( I could be).
Lisa saw Nick's hand shaking with emotion on his lap, the gun reflecting the sunlight onto the dashboard with spasmodic flashes.-- LOVE this description. SO visual!!
Excellent ending! Very good chapter!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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He was the one who had not only told her that he was marrying her, but how much he loved her. --This is confusing, the last part... but how much he loved her? DO you mean 'and' how much he loved her?
She and Dave were just as frustrated about the outcome in court the day before as Alan was, having spent months putting together the case.--?? Months putting the case together? I thought Lisa discovered it, took the info to Richard, and it all happened rather fast.Am I missing something?( I could be).
Lisa saw Nick's hand shaking with emotion on his lap, the gun reflecting the sunlight onto the dashboard with spasmodic flashes.-- LOVE this description. SO visual!!
Excellent ending! Very good chapter!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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I shall look at that, you are probably right. It's strange. When your writing, you assume that the reader knows as much as you! Alexis x
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Well, I knew that she had found information that Nick was... but when you said the police had been working on it for months you didn't write that in. I mean You had Lisa leave quickly go to Richard and then immediately she's abducted in the car from Richard and etc. so the months thing doesn't fit your time line of activity.
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I think I found the problem in the form of chapter 44 which I don't think you read because you didn't review it. Hope this helps. My thanks for your wonderful reviews throughout, they've been so helpful and encouraging. Take care, Alexis x
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Oh my, I missed a chapter... I'm soo sorry! Off to read.
Comment from wordsfromsue
I realize I'm now reviewing along with other professionals and should keep my remarks impersonal and professional..... ba ha ha ha ha! Yeah right!
First off, I like that she dropped her phone. Glad to see girlfriend grew some kahunas.
Also, though I think Nick is a testicle free psychopath, I'm actually enjoying the way you are wringing every drop of drama out of this.
I don't think he should be killed off, but a bullet in a strategic location rendering him unable to rape anyone else would be a lovely touch.
In any event, it's time for a short Sunday nap before dinner. I'll read the last two chapters while crying withdrawal tears and having coffee later this evening. :-)
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I realize I'm now reviewing along with other professionals and should keep my remarks impersonal and professional..... ba ha ha ha ha! Yeah right!
First off, I like that she dropped her phone. Glad to see girlfriend grew some kahunas.
Also, though I think Nick is a testicle free psychopath, I'm actually enjoying the way you are wringing every drop of drama out of this.
I don't think he should be killed off, but a bullet in a strategic location rendering him unable to rape anyone else would be a lovely touch.
In any event, it's time for a short Sunday nap before dinner. I'll read the last two chapters while crying withdrawal tears and having coffee later this evening. :-)
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Don't you dare get serious on me now, I'll never forgive you! I have to ask. What do you do for a living? I can imagine, whatever it is, it's good fun. Okay, now you're going to tell me your a mortician! Funny you should mention testicle free... Alexis x
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You have asked what I do for a living. My job is Payroll Timekeeper. I actually love my job, I suspect because of WHERE I work - which is the busiest police district at the station itself in this city. I got the key to the armory. I can make Nick jewel free real quick. If that's too rough, just let Lisa and I take a few tasers and ha ha ha practice on Nick.
Ooohhh, I sound sort of evil!
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When I read this out to my son before I went to bed last night, we had such a laugh!
Comment from debskatz
Hey alexis,
OMG, the last two! Dang, I'm gonna miss them! You are going to start another one, right?
This one is good. I'm sure Alan is hearing it, I just don't know how he's gonna stop it.
Off to the next one!
smiles,
deb
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Hey alexis,
OMG, the last two! Dang, I'm gonna miss them! You are going to start another one, right?
This one is good. I'm sure Alan is hearing it, I just don't know how he's gonna stop it.
Off to the next one!
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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You have been absolutely fantastic throughout, Debs. You are so good at giving advice without causing offence in any way. Thank you so much. Alexis x
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What heart-ache Lisa is going
through... I hope you're working
towards a happy ending .... pretty please!!
Is that what you're trying to tell me[.](?)" - question
"You really do love him don't you, Lisa[,](?)"
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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What heart-ache Lisa is going
through... I hope you're working
towards a happy ending .... pretty please!!
Is that what you're trying to tell me[.](?)" - question
"You really do love him don't you, Lisa[,](?)"
Margaret
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you, Margaret. I have sorted those out. Yes, a happy ending is in sight. Take care, Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh for Pete's sake I have to wait till tomorrow for the next ones...I'm thinking of getting on a plane to chase you down for the rest. Cliff hangers on FS are like the worst for my nerves in this story....and he has a gun.....bloody hell....
Great chapter and great pace ......great everything ...need more right away, I think I am have "Red Dress" withdrawals...
Fantastic work as always,
Maureen
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Oh for Pete's sake I have to wait till tomorrow for the next ones...I'm thinking of getting on a plane to chase you down for the rest. Cliff hangers on FS are like the worst for my nerves in this story....and he has a gun.....bloody hell....
Great chapter and great pace ......great everything ...need more right away, I think I am have "Red Dress" withdrawals...
Fantastic work as always,
Maureen
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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No, no, no! I'm just about to post them, honest! You are so funny! Give me about twenty minutes wc....xxx
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Oh thank goodness, :)
wc xx
Comment from peggles
This is a very good chapter
Good realistic dialogue between characters
It held my interest right till the end
The pace is easy and steady a joy to follow
I liked the last part in the car between Nick and Lisa
Full of suspense
Well done
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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This is a very good chapter
Good realistic dialogue between characters
It held my interest right till the end
The pace is easy and steady a joy to follow
I liked the last part in the car between Nick and Lisa
Full of suspense
Well done
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely, encouraging review, Peggles. I can relax a bit now and enjoy your book! Alexis x