The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The red dress, chapter one"The story of a teenage girl
16 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
Alexis, I wanted to read your stories and am starting at the beginning. What a beginning! Oh my goodness, this poor girl. I don't even know what to say... what a horrible life and now this. :-( At this point, not a single friend to help her.
You've painted a very distinct picture of utter aloneness for Lisa. I know it's fiction, but my heart goes out to the poor lass. :-(
Very good story so far. Very BAD story, but told well. I hope you know what I mean!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Alexis, I wanted to read your stories and am starting at the beginning. What a beginning! Oh my goodness, this poor girl. I don't even know what to say... what a horrible life and now this. :-( At this point, not a single friend to help her.
You've painted a very distinct picture of utter aloneness for Lisa. I know it's fiction, but my heart goes out to the poor lass. :-(
Very good story so far. Very BAD story, but told well. I hope you know what I mean!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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I am so flattered that you are starting at the beginning and I can see from the next few reviews that you're persevering. The first two chapters a 100% fact and written from memory, as are chapter 4-14, the only difference being that Nick was only a wealthy stockbroker, I was nowhere as good looking as Lisa, and mobile hadn't been invented! I first wrote as a cathartic release, then turned it into a story incorporating other experiences until, before I knew what was happening, I had a 500 plus page novel. It's only been since my parents passed away that I've actually considered the idea that I might be able to get it published. I hope you enjoy it because you are the first person who has chosen to start at the beginning, and not had to wait for me to post one or two chapters a day! Alexis x
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
the means nor the transport to escape, so she became the recipient of her mother's bitterness after her father left[ - ]every time. For the most part[,] it was
only verbal abuse
It seemed as though, since Lisa reached puberty, her emerging beauty had become a constant reminder to Fiona Collins that the admiring looks which she
had commanded wherever she had gone before[] were now few and far between.
In her father's absence[,] Lisa had become her mother's new victim,
Lisa cowered in her bed, the duvet pulled up under her chin[,] the light turned off...and prayed her mother would go to bed after her father left. But unknown
to her, Fiona Collins drank yet another bottle of red wine, oblivious of the quantity she had already consumed. After that[,] she kept coming into Lisa's
bedroom, switching on the light, and shouting obscenities at her daughter's duvet-covered form[delete in the bed]. When she got no reaction, her temper boiled
over, and the next time Fiona went into Lisa's room[,] she rained blows on her daughter's quilt covered body with a metal stick.
once her mother was asleep, she would be safe, and in the morning[,] she would have forgotten what she had done.
She thought momentarily about trying to contact her father, but she knew it was useless; he was as scared of her mother as she was[,] and unbelievably, would
probably take her mother's side because[,] irrespective of what she did, he was totally devoted to her. It seemed the more Lisa's mother abused him, the more
he loved her[]. Unlike Lisa[,] he chose to endure the misery an alcoholic inflicts upon the very people they love. But it was different for her[.] Lisa
was trapped... and she needed help.
It was at times like these she wished she wasn't at boarding school[she's not "at" boarding school; she's home. "she wished she wasn't going to boarding school" or "she wished she didn't attend boarding school"] because all her real friends were scattered around the country for the holidays. The only people she knew in Glasgow were the daughters of her parents' friends, one of
the reasons she had never been able to confide in anybody her own age when she was home. Socially, Fiona Collins was a perfect parent and never drank in
public, so Lisa knew turning to any of them was useless[;] they would never believe her.
now looked frighteningly alive[. T]heir trunks now looked like legless bodies, their branches waving arms,
From the frying pan into the fire.
Roberta
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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the means nor the transport to escape, so she became the recipient of her mother's bitterness after her father left[ - ]every time. For the most part[,] it was
only verbal abuse
It seemed as though, since Lisa reached puberty, her emerging beauty had become a constant reminder to Fiona Collins that the admiring looks which she
had commanded wherever she had gone before[] were now few and far between.
In her father's absence[,] Lisa had become her mother's new victim,
Lisa cowered in her bed, the duvet pulled up under her chin[,] the light turned off...and prayed her mother would go to bed after her father left. But unknown
to her, Fiona Collins drank yet another bottle of red wine, oblivious of the quantity she had already consumed. After that[,] she kept coming into Lisa's
bedroom, switching on the light, and shouting obscenities at her daughter's duvet-covered form[delete in the bed]. When she got no reaction, her temper boiled
over, and the next time Fiona went into Lisa's room[,] she rained blows on her daughter's quilt covered body with a metal stick.
once her mother was asleep, she would be safe, and in the morning[,] she would have forgotten what she had done.
She thought momentarily about trying to contact her father, but she knew it was useless; he was as scared of her mother as she was[,] and unbelievably, would
probably take her mother's side because[,] irrespective of what she did, he was totally devoted to her. It seemed the more Lisa's mother abused him, the more
he loved her[]. Unlike Lisa[,] he chose to endure the misery an alcoholic inflicts upon the very people they love. But it was different for her[.] Lisa
was trapped... and she needed help.
It was at times like these she wished she wasn't at boarding school[she's not "at" boarding school; she's home. "she wished she wasn't going to boarding school" or "she wished she didn't attend boarding school"] because all her real friends were scattered around the country for the holidays. The only people she knew in Glasgow were the daughters of her parents' friends, one of
the reasons she had never been able to confide in anybody her own age when she was home. Socially, Fiona Collins was a perfect parent and never drank in
public, so Lisa knew turning to any of them was useless[;] they would never believe her.
now looked frighteningly alive[. T]heir trunks now looked like legless bodies, their branches waving arms,
From the frying pan into the fire.
Roberta
Comment Written 18-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2012
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I'm so glad you got a chance to read this because I find your reviews to be invaluable. Thank you so much. Alexis x
Comment from adewpearl
You set the stage well in your opening paragraph and also introduce your main character well
You establish in a compelling way the family dynamics
Vivid detail lets us know just how horrible the conditions Lisa is living under are
You get inside her inner thoughts and emotions well
dramatic confrontation with the man who confronts her on the street - a most intense ending to this chapter Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2012
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You set the stage well in your opening paragraph and also introduce your main character well
You establish in a compelling way the family dynamics
Vivid detail lets us know just how horrible the conditions Lisa is living under are
You get inside her inner thoughts and emotions well
dramatic confrontation with the man who confronts her on the street - a most intense ending to this chapter Brooke
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your review on 'The Red Dress' It's lovely to be getting inside a teenagers head for a change! Alexis x
Comment from Malerie
Very emotional and powerful; I am eager to read more. There are some very emotional and disturbing, although real issues relayed in this first chapter. The issue of alcoholism and child abuse. One very powerful passage "What her mother had done made her feel anger towards the adult world, and parents who used their children as their own personal crucifixion for their disappointments in life." This so real and powerful. I can't wait to read the next chapter; thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Very emotional and powerful; I am eager to read more. There are some very emotional and disturbing, although real issues relayed in this first chapter. The issue of alcoholism and child abuse. One very powerful passage "What her mother had done made her feel anger towards the adult world, and parents who used their children as their own personal crucifixion for their disappointments in life." This so real and powerful. I can't wait to read the next chapter; thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your understanding and thoughtful review. The irony of Lisa's story is the fact that her parents are really wealthy. People associate alcoholism and child abuse with a different sort of person, but it is easier for a rich person to get away with because their children wouldn't expose them because of the humiliation it would cause the family. I know that this happens, because it happened to me, which is why the words probably ring true. I do hope that you enjoy the next chapter. Alexis x
Comment from axelbeariter
Only there could he escape the nightmare of being told how pathetically useless he was when his wife had, as usual, drunk too much./Boy, does this sound familiar. My mother also was a drunk.----Lisa's (my only child's name) dark auburn hair and flawless skin/Oh my God, you have described my mother in better days----so Lisa knew turning to any of them was useless, they would never believe her./Put a semicolon after useless instead of that comma.----While all your writing was very good, the last paragraph describing that action was terrific. This is a great beginning to your book. I'm glad now that I'm a fan of yours. I wouldn't want to miss any of your offerings. I've spent my six stars, so I'll make up for one to you at the next go around.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Only there could he escape the nightmare of being told how pathetically useless he was when his wife had, as usual, drunk too much./Boy, does this sound familiar. My mother also was a drunk.----Lisa's (my only child's name) dark auburn hair and flawless skin/Oh my God, you have described my mother in better days----so Lisa knew turning to any of them was useless, they would never believe her./Put a semicolon after useless instead of that comma.----While all your writing was very good, the last paragraph describing that action was terrific. This is a great beginning to your book. I'm glad now that I'm a fan of yours. I wouldn't want to miss any of your offerings. I've spent my six stars, so I'll make up for one to you at the next go around.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your review and really helpful suggestions, and my apologies for taking so long to get back to you but I have been editing like crazy trying to post two chapters a day. Never ending nightmare! Yes, this character was based on my own mother, so I didn't even have to use my imagination. Alexis x
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So you had the same kind of fun time growing up as I did. At least, it seems we both survived inspite of them.
Comment from James McCorkle
This is a very well written story of a young scots lass growing up in a mixture of love and hate. Fear and despair. A father who was not always there to help, and an abusive mother who must have been an alcoholic because of her drunken rages during which she resorted to physical abuse that just got worse.Even a brother suspected the girl of exaggeration abd refused to assist her. No wonder that she feels desperate. James McCorkle.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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This is a very well written story of a young scots lass growing up in a mixture of love and hate. Fear and despair. A father who was not always there to help, and an abusive mother who must have been an alcoholic because of her drunken rages during which she resorted to physical abuse that just got worse.Even a brother suspected the girl of exaggeration abd refused to assist her. No wonder that she feels desperate. James McCorkle.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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You have identified the main issues here with such clarity...Thank you so much for your review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Again, Alexis... this
is so well thoughtout and
presented, one could find
no fault, which makes it
a pleasure to read...
Poor girl, being raped by a drunk...
ongoing - on-going
Most enjoyable, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Again, Alexis... this
is so well thoughtout and
presented, one could find
no fault, which makes it
a pleasure to read...
Poor girl, being raped by a drunk...
ongoing - on-going
Most enjoyable, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much Margaret. Fortunately she managed to get saved in the next chapter. Phew! Take care Alexis x
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
Off to a very good start Alexis. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. So sad and so universal of a story. Very good storyline and great characters. I look forward to the continuance.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Off to a very good start Alexis. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. So sad and so universal of a story. Very good storyline and great characters. I look forward to the continuance.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful review, it is greatly appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from robina1978
Gorgeous picture to go with this first chapter. And what a start for your new book! You described the main characters and situation with good depth. Poor girl. Finally leaves and then gets raped. Look forward to the rest.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Gorgeous picture to go with this first chapter. And what a start for your new book! You described the main characters and situation with good depth. Poor girl. Finally leaves and then gets raped. Look forward to the rest.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your review and apologies for taking so long to get back to you. I have to clear my parents old house before it's sold at the end of next week, so I'm trying to get ahead of myself. Take care Alexis x
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That is a lot of work. You take care please too, Ine
Comment from rwilliam
The trees, which during the day had been gentle givers of shade after Lisa had played tennis, now looked frighteningly alive, their trunks now legless bodies, their branches waving arms, poised to grab her as she passed and stop her escape. LOVED this!
WOW... I wanted more. I can't wait to read the next chapter. BRAVO! This was really well written! I watched this 'movie' play out in my minds eye and I felt what Lisa felt. Such great writing!
I've suffered some of what Lisa has and I wonder do you write this so well because you too know or just great writing? I mean... you seemed to capture exactly the fear and emotion of that terror.
Great work!
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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The trees, which during the day had been gentle givers of shade after Lisa had played tennis, now looked frighteningly alive, their trunks now legless bodies, their branches waving arms, poised to grab her as she passed and stop her escape. LOVED this!
WOW... I wanted more. I can't wait to read the next chapter. BRAVO! This was really well written! I watched this 'movie' play out in my minds eye and I felt what Lisa felt. Such great writing!
I've suffered some of what Lisa has and I wonder do you write this so well because you too know or just great writing? I mean... you seemed to capture exactly the fear and emotion of that terror.
Great work!
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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It's so good to have you aboard! Yes, you've 'sussed' me. Sadly this, and several of the chapters have been written from memory (Although wrapped up in the delicious looking Lisa!) My first novel, I wrote this a few years ago, and was close to getting it published, but I thought it only right to wait until my parents passed before trying. Well here goes... Alexis x