Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Gima: Family Revelations (Part 2)"fantasy adventure
13 total reviews
Comment from DIS-illusioned
--Like I said, Asmel and Hunter are weird. But I guess one would be after going through what they have in the Under Earth.
--A wolf bone pacifier, eh? I wanted those as a kid too. LOL.
--A loving son you don't think is yours, and a hateful one that definitely is yours ... what is a papa to do? LOL. Trell's got his parenting work cut out for him. :)
Hey, did Gima have an extended pregnancy with Zee, via her human papas?
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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--Like I said, Asmel and Hunter are weird. But I guess one would be after going through what they have in the Under Earth.
--A wolf bone pacifier, eh? I wanted those as a kid too. LOL.
--A loving son you don't think is yours, and a hateful one that definitely is yours ... what is a papa to do? LOL. Trell's got his parenting work cut out for him. :)
Hey, did Gima have an extended pregnancy with Zee, via her human papas?
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Looks like you getting the gist of this, Bay K. Remember, she had only miscarriages until she met Trell. So, any pregnancy would be longer than a miscarriage. We haven't gotten into the reproductive cycle of the Vermel yet in order to understand more at least up to the point that you've read. I divulge what you're asking a little bit at a time and the reader will eventually pick up all the pieces. This is so much fun. hee-hee. Enjoy finding the pieces. :) BD
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Ahhh! :)
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Chew on your wolf bone. You'll be fine.:)
Comment from Carrie Smith
Hi I will repeat myself, Ellen. You are a superb writer-there is no doubt about that. You have a way with words and descriptive details that is masterful. Emotions are clearly related to the reader. Thanks for to turning me on to this genre a bit. I ran these off and showed my hubby - he loved them, so I'll continue to let him read! Love, Susan
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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Hi I will repeat myself, Ellen. You are a superb writer-there is no doubt about that. You have a way with words and descriptive details that is masterful. Emotions are clearly related to the reader. Thanks for to turning me on to this genre a bit. I ran these off and showed my hubby - he loved them, so I'll continue to let him read! Love, Susan
Comment Written 09-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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Hi, Carrie. See, that wasn't so hard. LOL I'm really glad that you sci-fi hubby liked these chapters. That is so helpful, because the only ones reading these so far are just the FS members. Thank you for reading and I'm glad that you will both continue to read. The next ones are in Bellow City where the Vermel live and where Trell was born. Thank you again:) love ellen xxx
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Nope it wasn't hard at all and in hindsight, I should have done this from the get-go. Tommy really did like the two, I'll have to give you his opinion next time, also! Just love ya...
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Sure let him chime in on the review, too. :)
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Will do!!
Comment from livingwords
You have such a great imagination. I continue to be so impressed with your talent. Dan :))
Nits:Trell kisses her cheek and moves to touch Blathen. But, Blathen will have none of it... (should probably make one sentence: Trell kisses her cheek and moves to touch Blathen, but he will have non of it... Prevents echo of Blathen and avoids starting a sentence with 'but')
"It'll be good to relax in the cabin, tonight, and not have to keep one eye open for bears" (No commas needed. Period needed at end of sentence.)
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2011
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You have such a great imagination. I continue to be so impressed with your talent. Dan :))
Nits:Trell kisses her cheek and moves to touch Blathen. But, Blathen will have none of it... (should probably make one sentence: Trell kisses her cheek and moves to touch Blathen, but he will have non of it... Prevents echo of Blathen and avoids starting a sentence with 'but')
"It'll be good to relax in the cabin, tonight, and not have to keep one eye open for bears" (No commas needed. Period needed at end of sentence.)
Comment Written 08-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2011
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Thank you, Dan. I was doing so well and then I had to sprinkle the commas. I changed the first sentence to Blathen who ... That was an awful echo! LOL I'm having fun with this first try. Thank you for the encouragement. Yesterday, I was so down. Doing the 'shit' I'll never get it thing with editing another chapter. I'm really trying to produce a clean post someday. I'll feel really good about that! :)ellen
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You are a sweetie! Dan :))
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:)ellen
Comment from adewpearl
and grabbing Gima, pulls her close. - add the comma
Excellent use of high-impact action verbs to bring the scene to life
You convey Gima's emotions well
Excellent dialogue
I love the descriptive passage about the jacks in the pulpit and other flowers and creatures
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2011
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and grabbing Gima, pulls her close. - add the comma
Excellent use of high-impact action verbs to bring the scene to life
You convey Gima's emotions well
Excellent dialogue
I love the descriptive passage about the jacks in the pulpit and other flowers and creatures
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 07-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2011
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Thank you, Brooke for your review and for noting the descriptive passage and dialogue. :)ellen
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
I see several story threads developing--What is going to happen to Zee; what is Trell going to do; what is blathen going to do; and then there's Hunter and Asmel. It's going to be interesting to see how you follow these.
Blathen watches intently, as[It would make more sense if you say "because" or "since."] her lower torso's fuzzy, wart-covered moles are HIS.
Night hunters sleep, and men in the woods[] walk slowly.
It is the same day[,] and only hours away, Hunter and Asmel are preparing to leave their camp beside the Whitetail River.
Roberta
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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I see several story threads developing--What is going to happen to Zee; what is Trell going to do; what is blathen going to do; and then there's Hunter and Asmel. It's going to be interesting to see how you follow these.
Blathen watches intently, as[It would make more sense if you say "because" or "since."] her lower torso's fuzzy, wart-covered moles are HIS.
Night hunters sleep, and men in the woods[] walk slowly.
It is the same day[,] and only hours away, Hunter and Asmel are preparing to leave their camp beside the Whitetail River.
Roberta
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Thank you Roberta for your review and corrections. I'm pleased that these chapters have peaked your interest. :) barking dog
Comment from purrfect tale
Yeap, trouble on the home front. The two brothers are not going to trust each other, and now dad is wondering about mom. Your descriptions are really good, and the "babies" characters are coming along great.
He has bonded (is-huh?) with his mother.
Asmel(,) who was learning to track when he was only four(,) is puzzled.
Many sounds seem to fade(,) while others become more audible to Hunter.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Yeap, trouble on the home front. The two brothers are not going to trust each other, and now dad is wondering about mom. Your descriptions are really good, and the "babies" characters are coming along great.
He has bonded (is-huh?) with his mother.
Asmel(,) who was learning to track when he was only four(,) is puzzled.
Many sounds seem to fade(,) while others become more audible to Hunter.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Thank you so much for your review. I'm still waiting for your next post on your book. And you were worried about the word count. LOL I'll go in and fix the edits. It's so easy to miss some of them. I become blind to my own work. Thank you again for reading.
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You are right about that. When it comes to my own stuff, I can read the word kat a dozen times and not pick-up on the error.
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It is hard to edit my own. If I let it sit for a while it's easier. But to write it and edit it in a two day period, leaves a few over looked spags. Sometimes I leave pieces of deleted copy. That looks really strange. LOL:)bd
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Oh wow! I leave pieces too. I thought I was nuts till I found out that Elgone does that, and now you.
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Sometimes its a word or only a letter but it sure doesn't belong there. Elgone, too. Maybe we all do it.LOL
Comment from Tina55
You know, something that hits me right off the bat when I read your story, is that it is written in present tense. I really like that. It's refreshing. It makes me feel like I'm in the thick of it and anything could happen at any time! Which is perfect for a thriller!
Trell gestures, "Tell me of the kill?" (He sounds unsure if he wants to know the answer by making this a question. Why not think about making it a statement, instead: Tell me about the kill.)
The humans are priceless, too. The pace never lets up, and your energy flows threw every word you write. Excellent!
Tina
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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You know, something that hits me right off the bat when I read your story, is that it is written in present tense. I really like that. It's refreshing. It makes me feel like I'm in the thick of it and anything could happen at any time! Which is perfect for a thriller!
Trell gestures, "Tell me of the kill?" (He sounds unsure if he wants to know the answer by making this a question. Why not think about making it a statement, instead: Tell me about the kill.)
The humans are priceless, too. The pace never lets up, and your energy flows threw every word you write. Excellent!
Tina
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Whoops! It was supposed to be a statement. Glad you caught that. I originally had When are you going to tell me about the kill? And Trell is not that wishy-washy. I forgot to take off the [?] Good, girl! Thank you, Tina. Everyone could use a shrink. LOL Maybe even the squirrel ... he sees so much. But he is back by the large oak now and can go back about squirrel business. LOL I've been out all day and have to get to your review. I've read it but need one more read through. Thank you again. :)ellen
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Yes, I haven't been reading Trell as having that kind of personality. I really like him, actually. So, I figured your sentence just got a bit jostled in editing. Happens to me all the time!
I love the squirrel in Hoodwinked. Have you seen it? You wanna see a squirrel high on caffeine, rent that movie sometime. It's a hilarious take on Little Red Riding Hood.
Love,
Tina
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I do like the little squirrel in Ice Age. Don't know this 'Hoodwinked' one. Something that your boys like? Boys are the coolest kids. I wish I'd had a dozen. LOL
So you really like Trell, do you. Remind me no to tell Gima. LOL (He is kind of a hot dude, no doubt.)
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LOL!!!
Comment from Janie King
Girl your imagination is out of this world..you do it well..it's just so our of my realm..I've never got onto science fiction stuff..to much of a coward..big scardy cat..yellow streak down the middle of my back..God grant you sweet dreams after this..what age bracket is this written for? God bless.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Girl your imagination is out of this world..you do it well..it's just so our of my realm..I've never got onto science fiction stuff..to much of a coward..big scardy cat..yellow streak down the middle of my back..God grant you sweet dreams after this..what age bracket is this written for? God bless.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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I have no idea who/what age bracket this is written for. It is definately not PG and if I add sex it goes past PG-13. It takes an open mind to read it, I think and an imagination. You're such a good writer. I'm sure you could write many different things and still teach your principles. Love and Smiles in your Heart:)ellen
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God gives us of us a different calling because there are different people to be reached.My brother is sci-fi nut..I've had to leave the room many times when he was watching what he thought was great...so you have your audience..one I would never touch with my writing..God knows what He's doing..just enjoy it and don't pay any attention to my whimpiness. God bless.
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You're not wimpy. Don't be silly. You're perfect just the way your are.:)ellen
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi ellen
An interesting chapter with its cutting from hunters to hinted - I like that arrangement.
The pondering on differences is also fascinating.
The great sci-fi writer Isaac Asimov wanted to write books about bigotry - but his boss was a bigot. He wrote a series of stories about robots and bigotry. His boss was too stupid to realize the robots were only a metaphor for persecuted humans.
Your story is ripe for some choice social comments!
Ron xox
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Hi ellen
An interesting chapter with its cutting from hunters to hinted - I like that arrangement.
The pondering on differences is also fascinating.
The great sci-fi writer Isaac Asimov wanted to write books about bigotry - but his boss was a bigot. He wrote a series of stories about robots and bigotry. His boss was too stupid to realize the robots were only a metaphor for persecuted humans.
Your story is ripe for some choice social comments!
Ron xox
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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I always love it when you tell me some history about a famous writer. Stupid boss? Who? Where? EVERYWHERE! LOL
I hope it doesn't go just there, but Gima has been quite an innocent player in all of this. She doesn't know anything except she did what she had to so to survive. And she still is, though now Trell has all these ideas taught to him as a boy and she has none of them. We'll see where this takes us. An then we have a very odd pair of brothers. LOL Thank you again, Ron. :) love, ellen xxx
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The boss was the editor of Amazing Stories - a pulp magazine that nutured all the great sci-fi writers of the 50's. He was an anti-semite and Asimov was a Jew. xox
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He still published his stories, even being a bigot. Guess the mighty dollar spoke louder than his bigotry. Bigots totally suck!
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What a vivid imagination you have...
I could never write fantasy... so
incredible.
can not - cannot
near by - nearby
incase - in case
I'm goin'. I'(m) goin'
denseforest - dense forest
... a stick, eh?[.]
Margaret
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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What a vivid imagination you have...
I could never write fantasy... so
incredible.
can not - cannot
near by - nearby
incase - in case
I'm goin'. I'(m) goin'
denseforest - dense forest
... a stick, eh?[.]
Margaret
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the review and corrections. Now it seems I'm having problems connecting words. I love that space bar too much. When spell checking I have so many extra spaces, it's ridiculous. And dense forest ... just plain careless. I shall have not pudding for supper!:) ellen:) You DO write fantasy, Margaret or are all of those people at the engagement party were real! If they are why wasn't I invited?:( LOL