Keith & Brianna
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Talk"Blossoming romance
3 total reviews
Comment from Chiina P
I enjoyed your story. Always a scary part of children growing up when a parent sees them so close to living their own lives. I myself have young adult children so i can relate completely. My only suggestion would be when Pania was speaking about Keith and she says he is 4 or 5 years older. I believe you were saying "than her" not "that her". Great story overall and i look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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I enjoyed your story. Always a scary part of children growing up when a parent sees them so close to living their own lives. I myself have young adult children so i can relate completely. My only suggestion would be when Pania was speaking about Keith and she says he is 4 or 5 years older. I believe you were saying "than her" not "that her". Great story overall and i look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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You're nice. Thanks!
Comment from smudge
Very well written. The conversation flows freely. The characters are brought out in the dialogue. Carl takes control does whatever he thinks without listening to information given. Mary is interested in keeping her new position and looking concerned about her new families children. Pania want to exercise her power as mother of her ex-husbands children.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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Very well written. The conversation flows freely. The characters are brought out in the dialogue. Carl takes control does whatever he thinks without listening to information given. Mary is interested in keeping her new position and looking concerned about her new families children. Pania want to exercise her power as mother of her ex-husbands children.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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You're nice. So many different type of families these days. And everyone always tries to get along for the sake of the children. So a lot of dialogue seemed like the way to go. Thanks.
Comment from allborn66
OK - I see some real tension and conflict building now. You seem to overstate the relationship between Carl and Pania. Introduce the relationship once - the reader will remember it if the characters are distinct.
Barbara
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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OK - I see some real tension and conflict building now. You seem to overstate the relationship between Carl and Pania. Introduce the relationship once - the reader will remember it if the characters are distinct.
Barbara
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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So much dialogue versus narrative. It's my first attempt at a short novel. Thanks for reading. :)