Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Thoroughly Modern Willy"A collection of my poems
40 total reviews
Comment from shirley31
L:O:L how wonderful a drama of tragedy brought in a fantastic poem well its like opera!
The breasts that once made her a star
Now need the support of Wonder-Bra.
A wart on the end of her ring-finger
Ensures no princes wish to linger.
wonder bra L:O:L truly a poem of excellence! much enjoyed
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2011
  |
L:O:L how wonderful a drama of tragedy brought in a fantastic poem well its like opera!
The breasts that once made her a star
Now need the support of Wonder-Bra.
A wart on the end of her ring-finger
Ensures no princes wish to linger.
wonder bra L:O:L truly a poem of excellence! much enjoyed
Comment Written 19-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2011
-
Thank you, Shirley. Glad you enjoyed my frolicsome fantasy.
Steve
Comment from findingmyroom
Fantastic. Your princess certainly is a modern tragedy. So much living to do but nothing accomplished. Great meter and rhymes, a social commentary disguised as entertainment.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
Fantastic. Your princess certainly is a modern tragedy. So much living to do but nothing accomplished. Great meter and rhymes, a social commentary disguised as entertainment.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you - yes, a little message certainly sneaked in there amongst the fun - not from any great wisdom or planning on my part - it just appeared!
Comment from MAMONIA
I can see that you have received your
just reward, Princess, for this lovely
poem. Sorry about her demise.
She sure had led a fast life for a
princess and did a lot of unmajestical
things.
Sorry that she died at the end, but, so
is the moral of the story. Great!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
I can see that you have received your
just reward, Princess, for this lovely
poem. Sorry about her demise.
She sure had led a fast life for a
princess and did a lot of unmajestical
things.
Sorry that she died at the end, but, so
is the moral of the story. Great!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thanks for the nice review - i was getting a little cranky that this was being outvoted by a poem that didn't follow the rules and the author admitted that he didn't follow the rules, so it's good that it's finally hit the front - yes, I felt quite a lot of sympathy for my rather disreputable princess. fingers crossed she keeps her nose (or any other part of her anatomy!) in front.
Steve
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
ha ha ha... I loved this..
such a whimsical write..
and so cleverly thoughtout..
and presented.... most
impressive and deserving
of a six.
This has to be a winnere. Steve.
Margaret
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2011
 |
ha ha ha... I loved this..
such a whimsical write..
and so cleverly thoughtout..
and presented.... most
impressive and deserving
of a six.
This has to be a winnere. Steve.
Margaret
Comment Written 04-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2011
-
Thanks, Margaret for the wondeful review and the Six Stars. Most appreciated. I had almost forgotten this was still out there with the competition desadline still a couple of weeks away.
Steve
Comment from adewpearl
I will take your word for it that you followed all the rules - it takes the pleasure out of reading to follow a checklist. LOL
Excellent use of rhyming couplets, great humor in things like the naming of Princess Willy Want-Sitt-More
I like the alliteration and strong verb choices in tickle, tease, tantalize
great descriptive detail
the part about the location of her piercings is hysterically funny
and the royal regalia on her genitalia - LOL
This is so clever and entertaining :-) Brooke p.s. - add a a sexual content warning
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
|
I will take your word for it that you followed all the rules - it takes the pleasure out of reading to follow a checklist. LOL
Excellent use of rhyming couplets, great humor in things like the naming of Princess Willy Want-Sitt-More
I like the alliteration and strong verb choices in tickle, tease, tantalize
great descriptive detail
the part about the location of her piercings is hysterically funny
and the royal regalia on her genitalia - LOL
This is so clever and entertaining :-) Brooke p.s. - add a a sexual content warning
Comment Written 24-May-2011
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
-
Thanks, Brooke. It's a fun contest and all the entries are hilarious,
About the content warning - I did put one on - level 3 I think - but someone else has pointed out that you have to go to the highest level before it actually works to warn the reader - do you know if that's true - seems a bit silly...
Steve
Comment from Inge_Meldgaard
Oh, my goodness me! What a modern tale this is, and right royally told too :D Once again, I am amazed at your ability to write with this steady rhythm, perfect rhyming, great story telling - and even managed to fit in the contest rules most elegantly. I imagine you laughed as much as I did reading while you wrote this.
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
|
Oh, my goodness me! What a modern tale this is, and right royally told too :D Once again, I am amazed at your ability to write with this steady rhythm, perfect rhyming, great story telling - and even managed to fit in the contest rules most elegantly. I imagine you laughed as much as I did reading while you wrote this.
Comment Written 24-May-2011
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
-
Thanks, Inge.
It was a bit of a dtruggle getting etory, rhyme and rhythm to all fir around those pesky rules!
I am delighted you got a laugh out of it. I am just amazed how the thing makes its own path and ends up somewhere unexpected!
Steve
Comment from fairydancer
"Although she may be royalty's daughter,
Her skirts are short, her morals shorter." - yep, definately a princess for the NOW generation!
"Willy Want-Sitt-More" - brilliant! Just the kind of thing I was hoping for when I created that very silly rule! ;)
"And tantalise till they explode." - yep, that really pushes it home! (pardon the pun!)
"Her face enhanced from wee glass jars" - excellent way of describing make-up.
"Silver rings in tongue and nose
And eyebrows too and more than those;
Each nipple's pierced, her navel too
And one more only 'princes' view!" - Made me howl! I had most of this done a few years ago (uh, except thatlast one - ooh NO!) Did you know piercings, tats, wearing black is connected with depression?
"And Willy adorns her birthday suit
With the juice of the purple poople fruit," - brilliant way of popping in this line!
"For she has had her royal regalia
Tattooed upon her genitalia!
"Enough!" you cry, "Not one more dollop!
We get the picture, she's a trollop." - I howled again!! lol
"To chart young Willy's rise and fall." - really!
Her downfall is very realistic - this is a very cleverly thought-out creation.
Ending is sad - well done! Beginning and middle are hilarious!
And all of this hilarity with perfect meter and rhyme - ahh! Youre my hero! lololol
Has to be a six - great entry, thanks for entering - Cally :)))
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
|
"Although she may be royalty's daughter,
Her skirts are short, her morals shorter." - yep, definately a princess for the NOW generation!
"Willy Want-Sitt-More" - brilliant! Just the kind of thing I was hoping for when I created that very silly rule! ;)
"And tantalise till they explode." - yep, that really pushes it home! (pardon the pun!)
"Her face enhanced from wee glass jars" - excellent way of describing make-up.
"Silver rings in tongue and nose
And eyebrows too and more than those;
Each nipple's pierced, her navel too
And one more only 'princes' view!" - Made me howl! I had most of this done a few years ago (uh, except thatlast one - ooh NO!) Did you know piercings, tats, wearing black is connected with depression?
"And Willy adorns her birthday suit
With the juice of the purple poople fruit," - brilliant way of popping in this line!
"For she has had her royal regalia
Tattooed upon her genitalia!
"Enough!" you cry, "Not one more dollop!
We get the picture, she's a trollop." - I howled again!! lol
"To chart young Willy's rise and fall." - really!
Her downfall is very realistic - this is a very cleverly thought-out creation.
Ending is sad - well done! Beginning and middle are hilarious!
And all of this hilarity with perfect meter and rhyme - ahh! Youre my hero! lololol
Has to be a six - great entry, thanks for entering - Cally :)))
Comment Written 24-May-2011
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
-
Wow! What a generous review - and now I have a picture in my head of you covered (well almost!) in Tats and piercings! Our top sportsmen seem to be leading the way with a surge in tattooing - all I can think is that in 50 years time, there's going to be an awful lot of ugly old folk around!
Good to hear that Xylock is back - I'll polish up my dragon-descripyion!
Steve
-
Ha ha! No tats, just a nose ring, nipple ring and belly bar! All out now though.
And yes, tats don't age well!
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi kiwisteveh
Sounds like the princess was something of a right royal tearaway. Humourous poetic tale of excess and destruction - I liked the description implied in the final couplet.
Good one, good luck in the competition...
Patrick
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
|
Hi kiwisteveh
Sounds like the princess was something of a right royal tearaway. Humourous poetic tale of excess and destruction - I liked the description implied in the final couplet.
Good one, good luck in the competition...
Patrick
Comment Written 24-May-2011
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review - you are certainly being kind to Willy calling her a tearaway!
Comment from honeytree
Very interesting fun words written here, and I liked
reading although a few little naughty words.I thought the
way how the words have been written were great and
funny.Humor within the words is a great way to express what
one is writing.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
|
Very interesting fun words written here, and I liked
reading although a few little naughty words.I thought the
way how the words have been written were great and
funny.Humor within the words is a great way to express what
one is writing.
Honey tree
Comment Written 24-May-2011
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review - yes, humour is my strength, and it can be used for serious purposes sometimes.
Steve
Comment from ameen786
Now if this poem did not win, then I'd say there's a glitch in the voting booth--what a masterpiece! Wonderful story, amusing and serious, just beautiful! Great job.
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
|
Now if this poem did not win, then I'd say there's a glitch in the voting booth--what a masterpiece! Wonderful story, amusing and serious, just beautiful! Great job.
Comment Written 24-May-2011
reply by the author on 24-May-2011
-
Thank you for your very kind and flattering words - still a couple of weeks to go for another masterpiece to emerge! Anyway I've learned not to count chickens in any of these competitions.
Steve