Reflections For The New Day
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Unknown"5 total reviews
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Oh my, you really are an outstanding writer. You dig right into the depths of the soul and make the reader contemplate on the words they have just read. This is great
The unknown
Lies within
But do we enter
This place of
Uncertainty
long enough
To dwell there?
We enter but it scares the hell out of us so we head for the nearest exit at the quickest pace possible. This is another good one. You have a refreshing style. I shall have to read more as I get the chance. Good stuff and welcome to FS.
  |
Oh my, you really are an outstanding writer. You dig right into the depths of the soul and make the reader contemplate on the words they have just read. This is great
The unknown
Lies within
But do we enter
This place of
Uncertainty
long enough
To dwell there?
We enter but it scares the hell out of us so we head for the nearest exit at the quickest pace possible. This is another good one. You have a refreshing style. I shall have to read more as I get the chance. Good stuff and welcome to FS.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2004
Comment from Graceheart
Nothing was ever more truel stated! You are a very wise person! You are so close to it all when you say that there is so much we have inside our own selves that we have not yet explored! When we open those doors and set the light of those powers free, we grow and become more loving and stable individuals! Awersome poem with so much brain food to give the reader! Well written, superb piece of your deep thiking! Great job Jewell!
|
Nothing was ever more truel stated! You are a very wise person! You are so close to it all when you say that there is so much we have inside our own selves that we have not yet explored! When we open those doors and set the light of those powers free, we grow and become more loving and stable individuals! Awersome poem with so much brain food to give the reader! Well written, superb piece of your deep thiking! Great job Jewell!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2004
Comment from Lpspider
Who knows?
I do not know
You do not know>>>lines and segments like this threw it off...too many know's in too little space. I did like the overall theme for this and the style is okay. given some work, and a bit more effort, I think you can turn this around into a great poem. keep it up, lpspider.
 |
Who knows?
I do not know
You do not know>>>lines and segments like this threw it off...too many know's in too little space. I did like the overall theme for this and the style is okay. given some work, and a bit more effort, I think you can turn this around into a great poem. keep it up, lpspider.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2004
Comment from MoonRays
Who knows?
I do not know
You do not know --these lines have a little too much similarity in their use of 'know' over and over.
Or do we?
The unknown
Lies within --a good lesson for life!
But do we enter
This place of
Uncertainty
long enough
To dwell there?
Do we dwell
Long enough
To know? --again, reusing words and structure where you could use different ones to add interest.
It is in the --it is the unknown, 'it is in' doesn't make sense here.
Unknown that
Keeps us seeking.
Or are we
Truly seeking? --instead of using the same words again and again, take some of the synonyms you come to at the end of the poem.
Do we want to know?
For deep within
our souls lie all
we?ve been looking for. --again, the 'truth lies within' lesson which people need to learn.
We seek, we yearn
We contemplate
We question.
We find.
Then we ignore
Or do not accept .
So back to the
Quest we go --the ending is wonderful because it says so much about human nature; that we only learn what we really want to know.
|
Who knows?
I do not know
You do not know --these lines have a little too much similarity in their use of 'know' over and over.
Or do we?
The unknown
Lies within --a good lesson for life!
But do we enter
This place of
Uncertainty
long enough
To dwell there?
Do we dwell
Long enough
To know? --again, reusing words and structure where you could use different ones to add interest.
It is in the --it is the unknown, 'it is in' doesn't make sense here.
Unknown that
Keeps us seeking.
Or are we
Truly seeking? --instead of using the same words again and again, take some of the synonyms you come to at the end of the poem.
Do we want to know?
For deep within
our souls lie all
we?ve been looking for. --again, the 'truth lies within' lesson which people need to learn.
We seek, we yearn
We contemplate
We question.
We find.
Then we ignore
Or do not accept .
So back to the
Quest we go --the ending is wonderful because it says so much about human nature; that we only learn what we really want to know.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2004
Comment from Kavi
Your writing (based on this piece, as I have seen no others yet) truly reminds me of mine...I think you might like some of the stuff I've written. Overall, a great poem. I love questioning poems--ones that ask the reader questions without just giving the answers away. The meter, oddly enough, seems to work well for this piece. While jerky, it keeps the attention of the reader peaked throughout the more meaningful segments and does not allow it to falter through the transitionary ones. Very good flow, very good meter, very good rhythem...keep it up!
-Kavi
|
Your writing (based on this piece, as I have seen no others yet) truly reminds me of mine...I think you might like some of the stuff I've written. Overall, a great poem. I love questioning poems--ones that ask the reader questions without just giving the answers away. The meter, oddly enough, seems to work well for this piece. While jerky, it keeps the attention of the reader peaked throughout the more meaningful segments and does not allow it to falter through the transitionary ones. Very good flow, very good meter, very good rhythem...keep it up!
-Kavi
Comment Written 23-Oct-2004
