I Want Justice.
Psychic adventures, Pt. 217 total reviews
Comment from Nanashirley
I enjoyed the story very much. As a believer I find there are a lot of people who react like Gregg. The story is well written and very close to real life. I saw no need for editing.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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I enjoyed the story very much. As a believer I find there are a lot of people who react like Gregg. The story is well written and very close to real life. I saw no need for editing.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Thanks so much Nanashirley. Lovely to hear that you, too, appreciate the amazing abilities of the subconscious and parts of our brain we don't yet understand. I so appreciate you taking time to read the story and your encouraging comments. Best wishes...Bev
Comment from JW
This is another good chapter and an excellent addition to your story. I like that way things are progressing in a very realistic manner. Good job.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2011
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This is another good chapter and an excellent addition to your story. I like that way things are progressing in a very realistic manner. Good job.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much for your excellent review JW. High praise coming from one of your great story-telling abilities. Much appreciate...Bev
Comment from Rama Rao
Although I don't believe in these ghosts and other stuff about after-life, I must say your story held me riveted to it right until the last word. I almost changed my perceptions about ghosts etc. You portrayed the scene vividly and wrote an excellent piece.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Although I don't believe in these ghosts and other stuff about after-life, I must say your story held me riveted to it right until the last word. I almost changed my perceptions about ghosts etc. You portrayed the scene vividly and wrote an excellent piece.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Thank you very much Ramarao for taking time to read the story and send along your thoughtful review. I really appreciate your honest assessment and interest. Best wishes...Bev
Comment from Bellringer
Very well written story that contains excellent detail, crisp narrative, and very good dialogue. I look forward to reading the next installment. Regards, Hector
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Very well written story that contains excellent detail, crisp narrative, and very good dialogue. I look forward to reading the next installment. Regards, Hector
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Thanks Hector. I really appreciate you taking time to read the story and send along your excellent review. Much appreciated. Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Regards, Hector
Comment from Peter@Poole
Well written but marred by your failure to use semicolons correctly. Only use elisions in dialogue or diary writing. For example, compare I'm with I am. The former is used in dialogue.
~~~
Pulling into the parking lot of the video establishment, I spend several minutes slowing down my breathing and unclenching my hands. Now that (I am) here, I know (it is)
Note: - use I'm and similar elisions in dialogue and diary entries but not otherwise.
the right thing for me to be doing(,)
Note: the semicolon should be used between two main clauses. Your use of 'but' introduces a subordinate clause so requires a comma.
- but that (does not) quash the anxiety roiling around in my stomach.
One of the 'side effects' of being (empathetic)and (intuitive)[,] is that the emotions of my clients attach themselves to me,
Note: Comma after [intuitive] not required because the phrase which precedes it is the subject of the sentence.
Compare 'One of you is a psychic' with 'One of you, is a psychic.'
often physically as well as psychically. Judging by the intense sensations of panic and fear (I am) experiencing right now, (it is) possible (I am) heading into a dangerous situation especially since (I have) yet to pinpoint whether the source of the feelings is living or dead.
Grabbing my tool kit - consisting of a tape recorder for notes on the case and my rosary from a Marian apparition site in Yugoslavia - I head into the store. A bell booms out(,) rattling me further. I never noticed it sounding as loud on my previous trips into the store. A few feet inside the door, a strong energy passes through my body;[and] for a moment the air seems thinner, like being at a higher elevation. The impression is fleeting and then lifts, leaving me chilled.
No one appears to be around except for the middle-aged man behind the counter. I see him here quite a bit, so I assume (he is) the one who made the call. Still, (it is)important to be discreet. Looking him directly in the eye, I say, "I have an appointment to meet with the manager today at 1 P.M. Is he available?"
He turns red immediately. "I'm the Manager, what can I do for you?" Okay James Bond, we'll play it your way. I put my hand out to shake (saying),"My name is Beth. I received a call from a gentleman who said he was the manager of this store. He asked me to come by today."
Pointedly ignoring my outstretched hand, he motions with his head somewhere in the direction of the back of the store. "Let's talk in my office."
The 'office' turns out to be a (break room) and storage area. While I search for a clean place to sit down, the man launches into his story. "I'm not saying that what's happening around here can't be explained by coincidences or overactive imaginations; [but] enough of my employees have reported the same things, that I've got to take this seriously."
Examining his cuticles, he says, "You should know up front that I won't be able to pay you anything because the owners absolutely cannot know that I've called you."
"What's your name?" He looks up sharply at my simple question. "I like to know the names of the live people I'll be working with." My lame attempt at humor has the effect I'm hoping for. Grinning slightly he says, "My name is Gregg.
"Okay, Great! Nice to meet you." I put out my hand once again and this (time) he shakes it. "Here's how it works with me. I don't charge for this particular type of service. Helping to release earthbound souls is a sacred calling for me." At his look of utter confusion, I rephrase in simpler terms, "Dead souls don't earn get-into-heaven points by hanging around scaring people. I try to nicely convince them to give the afterlife a try."
Now, this is an analogy he understands. "I'm afraid that what's been happening here could be, um, supernatural. The female employees all feel like someone is standing just behind them, but when they turn around no one is there. Their hair gets yanked; and there's an area in the corner of the store near the overhead T.V. monitor that everyone says gives them the creeps."
Looking embarrassed again, he continues, "I have to admit that I've come in to open in the morning and have found lights on and the door unlocked. I'm the only one who closes, so I know I did not leave the store in that condition."
"As you know, this is a small community; [and] word's getting around among the kids looking for jobs that this place is haunted. I can't find replacements for the ones who are quitting either - some of them after only a few days."
First things first. "Listen, Gregg. I'm not going to guarantee that I'll be able to take care of this problem of yours. Ghosts have free will. I can only tell you what I receive telepathically, and we can go from there." (He is) looking confused again.
"I'm going to have a little chat with whoever is hanging around, ask them what's up, and let you know what I find out. Sound like a plan?" Ah, the gleam of comprehension once again. "You just take care of the customers that come in(,) and I'll nonchalantly stroll around the aisles and see what I can pick up."
Several people are milling around the store, so I act like (I am) studying the videos(,) taking care not to get too close to them as I psychically open up my senses. ("You've brought me here for a reason. Who are you and what can I do to help you?")
Within (fifteen) minutes, I feel I have the information I need. Signalling that (I am) ready to talk, I head to the 'office' to wait. Help has arrived in the person of a young woman by the name of Tina, so Gregg leaves her to watch the desk and joins me.
~~~
I'm assuming that what follows is either your thoughts or a spirit communicating. Can you make this clearer?
~~~
"This is what I'm getting. There is a strong spirit in this store who tells me his name is Steve. He says he was murdered and that it had to do with drugs."
Gregg's face appears to be draining of its color(,) but I choose to ignore the fact and forge ahead(.)"Does any of this make any sense to you? Did you have a young man of about (nineteen), who worked here at one time that ended up murdered over drugs?"
Truly alarmed now by the man's pallor, I guide him into a chair. "Is this some kind of sick joke?" he croaks out, "My former brother-in-law's name was Steve. He was found dead at the age of (nineteen), in an alley in Amsterdam last year. The cops over there never really did much to find the killers, just figured it was a drug deal gone bad. How did you get (hold) of that information?"
Miffed at being all-but accused of perpetrating some sort of con, (I am) ready to walk out of the store, leaving old Gregg to deal with the problem alone. But I make one last attempt to get through.
"My information comes from the spirit who is haunting your store. That spirit tells me his name is Steve and that he's very angry that no one in his family is pressing the police to catch his murderers and see that they are punished. He wants justice."
I (do not) see any reason to share some of the other things that Steve is showing me - the hell of living and reliving his death, a narrow cobblestoned alley, dim street lamps and blood soaking into the stones. I feel acutely the pain of this young man's sad, short life.
"I believe I can help Steve to find peace;[and] that it's the decent and right thing to do. But I'm going to need your trust and complete cooperation. Can I count on you Gregg?"
~~~
Get back to me if you are not sure or are unhappy about my notes. Peter
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Well written but marred by your failure to use semicolons correctly. Only use elisions in dialogue or diary writing. For example, compare I'm with I am. The former is used in dialogue.
~~~
Pulling into the parking lot of the video establishment, I spend several minutes slowing down my breathing and unclenching my hands. Now that (I am) here, I know (it is)
Note: - use I'm and similar elisions in dialogue and diary entries but not otherwise.
the right thing for me to be doing(,)
Note: the semicolon should be used between two main clauses. Your use of 'but' introduces a subordinate clause so requires a comma.
- but that (does not) quash the anxiety roiling around in my stomach.
One of the 'side effects' of being (empathetic)and (intuitive)[,] is that the emotions of my clients attach themselves to me,
Note: Comma after [intuitive] not required because the phrase which precedes it is the subject of the sentence.
Compare 'One of you is a psychic' with 'One of you, is a psychic.'
often physically as well as psychically. Judging by the intense sensations of panic and fear (I am) experiencing right now, (it is) possible (I am) heading into a dangerous situation especially since (I have) yet to pinpoint whether the source of the feelings is living or dead.
Grabbing my tool kit - consisting of a tape recorder for notes on the case and my rosary from a Marian apparition site in Yugoslavia - I head into the store. A bell booms out(,) rattling me further. I never noticed it sounding as loud on my previous trips into the store. A few feet inside the door, a strong energy passes through my body;[and] for a moment the air seems thinner, like being at a higher elevation. The impression is fleeting and then lifts, leaving me chilled.
No one appears to be around except for the middle-aged man behind the counter. I see him here quite a bit, so I assume (he is) the one who made the call. Still, (it is)important to be discreet. Looking him directly in the eye, I say, "I have an appointment to meet with the manager today at 1 P.M. Is he available?"
He turns red immediately. "I'm the Manager, what can I do for you?" Okay James Bond, we'll play it your way. I put my hand out to shake (saying),"My name is Beth. I received a call from a gentleman who said he was the manager of this store. He asked me to come by today."
Pointedly ignoring my outstretched hand, he motions with his head somewhere in the direction of the back of the store. "Let's talk in my office."
The 'office' turns out to be a (break room) and storage area. While I search for a clean place to sit down, the man launches into his story. "I'm not saying that what's happening around here can't be explained by coincidences or overactive imaginations; [but] enough of my employees have reported the same things, that I've got to take this seriously."
Examining his cuticles, he says, "You should know up front that I won't be able to pay you anything because the owners absolutely cannot know that I've called you."
"What's your name?" He looks up sharply at my simple question. "I like to know the names of the live people I'll be working with." My lame attempt at humor has the effect I'm hoping for. Grinning slightly he says, "My name is Gregg.
"Okay, Great! Nice to meet you." I put out my hand once again and this (time) he shakes it. "Here's how it works with me. I don't charge for this particular type of service. Helping to release earthbound souls is a sacred calling for me." At his look of utter confusion, I rephrase in simpler terms, "Dead souls don't earn get-into-heaven points by hanging around scaring people. I try to nicely convince them to give the afterlife a try."
Now, this is an analogy he understands. "I'm afraid that what's been happening here could be, um, supernatural. The female employees all feel like someone is standing just behind them, but when they turn around no one is there. Their hair gets yanked; and there's an area in the corner of the store near the overhead T.V. monitor that everyone says gives them the creeps."
Looking embarrassed again, he continues, "I have to admit that I've come in to open in the morning and have found lights on and the door unlocked. I'm the only one who closes, so I know I did not leave the store in that condition."
"As you know, this is a small community; [and] word's getting around among the kids looking for jobs that this place is haunted. I can't find replacements for the ones who are quitting either - some of them after only a few days."
First things first. "Listen, Gregg. I'm not going to guarantee that I'll be able to take care of this problem of yours. Ghosts have free will. I can only tell you what I receive telepathically, and we can go from there." (He is) looking confused again.
"I'm going to have a little chat with whoever is hanging around, ask them what's up, and let you know what I find out. Sound like a plan?" Ah, the gleam of comprehension once again. "You just take care of the customers that come in(,) and I'll nonchalantly stroll around the aisles and see what I can pick up."
Several people are milling around the store, so I act like (I am) studying the videos(,) taking care not to get too close to them as I psychically open up my senses. ("You've brought me here for a reason. Who are you and what can I do to help you?")
Within (fifteen) minutes, I feel I have the information I need. Signalling that (I am) ready to talk, I head to the 'office' to wait. Help has arrived in the person of a young woman by the name of Tina, so Gregg leaves her to watch the desk and joins me.
~~~
I'm assuming that what follows is either your thoughts or a spirit communicating. Can you make this clearer?
~~~
"This is what I'm getting. There is a strong spirit in this store who tells me his name is Steve. He says he was murdered and that it had to do with drugs."
Gregg's face appears to be draining of its color(,) but I choose to ignore the fact and forge ahead(.)"Does any of this make any sense to you? Did you have a young man of about (nineteen), who worked here at one time that ended up murdered over drugs?"
Truly alarmed now by the man's pallor, I guide him into a chair. "Is this some kind of sick joke?" he croaks out, "My former brother-in-law's name was Steve. He was found dead at the age of (nineteen), in an alley in Amsterdam last year. The cops over there never really did much to find the killers, just figured it was a drug deal gone bad. How did you get (hold) of that information?"
Miffed at being all-but accused of perpetrating some sort of con, (I am) ready to walk out of the store, leaving old Gregg to deal with the problem alone. But I make one last attempt to get through.
"My information comes from the spirit who is haunting your store. That spirit tells me his name is Steve and that he's very angry that no one in his family is pressing the police to catch his murderers and see that they are punished. He wants justice."
I (do not) see any reason to share some of the other things that Steve is showing me - the hell of living and reliving his death, a narrow cobblestoned alley, dim street lamps and blood soaking into the stones. I feel acutely the pain of this young man's sad, short life.
"I believe I can help Steve to find peace;[and] that it's the decent and right thing to do. But I'm going to need your trust and complete cooperation. Can I count on you Gregg?"
~~~
Get back to me if you are not sure or are unhappy about my notes. Peter
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Hi Peter, thanks so much for your excellent and thorough review. I've received critiques in the past that have a slightly different viewpoint on the use of commas and semi-colons and now I'm thoroughly confused. But I see no harm in making the changes you've suggested for the sake of a better read. Do you have a source you can recommend regarding the issues you've mentioned? If so, I'd be glad to check it out. Also appreciate the excellent rating considering the many corrections you found the piece to be needing. I truly appreciate how much time you took in patiently explained the spags (I think that is the right term). Best wishes....Bev
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I made the changes you suggested. I think I understand the concepts better thanks to you. I see you've been through the editing process with your books so your comments definitely have the weight of authority. I really appreciate, again, your extensive assistance Peter.
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I feel the responsibility of reviewing because, if I don't make myself clear, I will be letting the writer down. Don't hesitate to challenge or query anything I write to you. You can also check for such things as 'Use of semicolon'.
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Your points were very well made. I appreciate that you take reviewing seriously P. No offense taken and the changes enhanced the overall quality. Cheers! Bev
Comment from Mustang Patty
Your thrilling story is written well, and full of the dangers of being an empath. It is so difficult to deal with the feelings and speaking of the living AND be able to hear the 'others' in the background. Your story emphasizes your gifts in several areas. Thank you for sharing, and I'm looking forward to more of this. ~patty~
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Your thrilling story is written well, and full of the dangers of being an empath. It is so difficult to deal with the feelings and speaking of the living AND be able to hear the 'others' in the background. Your story emphasizes your gifts in several areas. Thank you for sharing, and I'm looking forward to more of this. ~patty~
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Thanks patty for your terrific review; but even more for how clearly you get the tremendous challenges of this work. I much appreciate your interest in the story. Thanks again...Bev
Comment from InterestingRon
Beautifully written account. You grab the reader's attention straight off by having Beth concerned for her own safety. The lead up with the store manager is good.
Of course, this is a non-fiction. As say, a supernatural fiction, you could have had a far more exciting resolution with all manner of spooky things happening.
A good read.
Ron xx
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Beautifully written account. You grab the reader's attention straight off by having Beth concerned for her own safety. The lead up with the store manager is good.
Of course, this is a non-fiction. As say, a supernatural fiction, you could have had a far more exciting resolution with all manner of spooky things happening.
A good read.
Ron xx
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Hi Ron. I really appreciate your wonderful review of this case. Actually, in part 3, things do get strange pretty quickly - but generally I try not to rile up ghosts because even when you're nice to them they can cause serious problems later in my home and work areas. Always love it when you stop by and offer your thoughts and insights on my work. Thanks my friend...Bev
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The pleasure's all mine Bev. xox
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Very well written.
The fact that you live this "gift" combined with your story telling abilities allows the reader to share your world and call on their own fears of things they do not understand.
I hope you will be posting more often. I'm certain the readers will all want to know how Steve's passage ends.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Very well written.
The fact that you live this "gift" combined with your story telling abilities allows the reader to share your world and call on their own fears of things they do not understand.
I hope you will be posting more often. I'm certain the readers will all want to know how Steve's passage ends.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Greetings SE. Oh, yes. The outcome of this 'case' is the reason I continue to do the work whenever or wherever called. I so appreciate you reading and sending along your wonderful review. Blessings.
Comment from sweetsilversong
Bev this was fascinating, had me transfixed throughout.
These things interest me greatly and you have written it so well it made it so easy to follow.
Very enjoyable.
One little thing is 'leaving ole Gregg' deliberate...as I don't know the meaning of ole...it may be an american phrase or a typo?
Best wishes.
SSS
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Bev this was fascinating, had me transfixed throughout.
These things interest me greatly and you have written it so well it made it so easy to follow.
Very enjoyable.
One little thing is 'leaving ole Gregg' deliberate...as I don't know the meaning of ole...it may be an american phrase or a typo?
Best wishes.
SSS
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Hello my friend. You know, when I was typing that, I hesitated, so you are right on with the suggestion of changing that. I so appreciate your lovely review and insights offered. Most helpful and encouraging. Blessings.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story, i like the vivid details you gave as well as the story you wrote about. i enjoyed reading it
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story, i like the vivid details you gave as well as the story you wrote about. i enjoyed reading it
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much for stopping to read and send along your wonderful review. Blessings...Bev