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Grumbling Martin befriends the Kid21 total reviews
Comment from deb552
This story has such great imagery. Your description of Martin is so easy to envision. A childless guy concerned only about his task at hand being broken down by a six year old is wonderful. Martin is a softy at heart. Even the initial reaction of the boys mother, which is very realistic, makes this story seem real. I loved the ending and found myself laughing out loud. I have a feeling, if this were a true story, Martin would end up a "grandpa"! deb
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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This story has such great imagery. Your description of Martin is so easy to envision. A childless guy concerned only about his task at hand being broken down by a six year old is wonderful. Martin is a softy at heart. Even the initial reaction of the boys mother, which is very realistic, makes this story seem real. I loved the ending and found myself laughing out loud. I have a feeling, if this were a true story, Martin would end up a "grandpa"! deb
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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deb, thank you for looking back into my portfolio at some of my work. I appreciate your reading and reviewing them. I tried to make this story somewhat authentic. Thanks again, John
Comment from Realist101
Hi there!! I love this!! It's funny and the only thing I would change is the "grr", it is sort of too much for me? Not bad tho, I really and truly enjoyed this!! WELL DONE! ") Susan
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Hi there!! I love this!! It's funny and the only thing I would change is the "grr", it is sort of too much for me? Not bad tho, I really and truly enjoyed this!! WELL DONE! ") Susan
Comment Written 08-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Thank you for reading and commenting and sorry I havn't responded sooner.... John
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It's okay, I am happy to hear from you John!! I hope to be able to keep up with your work too...I am behind on ALL mine, and reading too! ") Susan
Comment from bowls
A very clever little story. I loved the last line! Oh, and I didn't have to be told about caramel and candy apples! Yum! Martin sounds like a grumpy sort with a heart of gold, and you've displayed his character splendidly in this piece. Well done!
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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A very clever little story. I loved the last line! Oh, and I didn't have to be told about caramel and candy apples! Yum! Martin sounds like a grumpy sort with a heart of gold, and you've displayed his character splendidly in this piece. Well done!
Comment Written 07-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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I added the "candy and caramel" apples to my notes since one reviewer was not sure what they were. Bowls, thank you for reading and the fine review.
Comment from Soledadpaz
Coconut covered apples? I wish I had one. This story was well written and flowed easily. I could especially see the confrontation over the kid by the protagonist and the absentminded parent. How do you lose track of your child?
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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Coconut covered apples? I wish I had one. This story was well written and flowed easily. I could especially see the confrontation over the kid by the protagonist and the absentminded parent. How do you lose track of your child?
Comment Written 07-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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Sole... it does happen and happened to me as I was coaching my Little League baseball tea, some 15 years ago, although for a very brief few moments. Thanks for reading and commenting, I do appreciate it...
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I'm glad it was only for a few moments. How traumatic!
Comment from IndianaIrish
What an enjoyable story! I think I have a "thing" for grumpy old men. LOL I enjoyed your characterization of Martin and the ending is fantastic ... Ooh, not again. He must have GRAMPS stamped on his forehead that only kids can see. LOL I really loved your story and hope it does well in the contest.
Indiana :>)
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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What an enjoyable story! I think I have a "thing" for grumpy old men. LOL I enjoyed your characterization of Martin and the ending is fantastic ... Ooh, not again. He must have GRAMPS stamped on his forehead that only kids can see. LOL I really loved your story and hope it does well in the contest.
Indiana :>)
Comment Written 07-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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Thanks Indiana for stopping by to read and comment on this story, I certainly appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it, from this Grumpy Old Man To Be... (kidding)
Comment from Winslow
Dear Writer,
A pretty funny story involving a brat and a childless older man. This rings true, mothers don't watch their kids and they are free to roam.
This could be improved by writing more actively. For example:
Someone gave his right hand's pinky finger a slight tug. Thinking nothing of it, he just shook his hand. He felt another tug, but this time harder. He stood motionless, and only moving his eyes, looked downward. He saw a little kid.
Martin grimaced. ( This is showing rather than telling) "Get away kid. Go to your mother!"
I hope this helps.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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Dear Writer,
A pretty funny story involving a brat and a childless older man. This rings true, mothers don't watch their kids and they are free to roam.
This could be improved by writing more actively. For example:
Someone gave his right hand's pinky finger a slight tug. Thinking nothing of it, he just shook his hand. He felt another tug, but this time harder. He stood motionless, and only moving his eyes, looked downward. He saw a little kid.
Martin grimaced. ( This is showing rather than telling) "Get away kid. Go to your mother!"
I hope this helps.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 07-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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Winslow, I am here to learn besides enjoying the thought process of thinking and writing, so, yes it does help. Thank you...
Comment from krdeering
This is an enjoyable story, c case of mistaken identity. I especially liked "I don't got one. I'm six." It's hard to imagine such a thing happening in real life (especially twice), but, hey, it's just a story!
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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This is an enjoyable story, c case of mistaken identity. I especially liked "I don't got one. I'm six." It's hard to imagine such a thing happening in real life (especially twice), but, hey, it's just a story!
Comment Written 07-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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I'm sure this happens... I work in a deli and with parents attached to there cell phones, I can envision losing sight of the kids, if only for a brief moment. Thanks for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate it, peace...
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is cute, i enjoyed reading this story about a grumpy old man learning to spoil a kid to keep him quiet and letting a woman know how special her son was. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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this is cute, i enjoyed reading this story about a grumpy old man learning to spoil a kid to keep him quiet and letting a woman know how special her son was. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 07-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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Thank you sweetwoodjax for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from gramalot8
Mystery Author, this is a very cute story. It should do very well in the contest. I loved how he was won over by the little boy. And, how he wanted to know what it would have felt to be Grandpa Martin. Loved his frustrations as well. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Mystery Author, this is a very cute story. It should do very well in the contest. I loved how he was won over by the little boy. And, how he wanted to know what it would have felt to be Grandpa Martin. Loved his frustrations as well. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Thank gramalot for reading and commenting, I appreciate it. John
Comment from Jen Gentry
Oh this is wonderful and sweet. Good luck in contest with this. It is very well written with a smooth and easy to read context.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Oh this is wonderful and sweet. Good luck in contest with this. It is very well written with a smooth and easy to read context.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Thank you Christa for reading and commenting. John