Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Coming Home"A book of a mixture of stories
47 total reviews
Comment from nora arjuna
hi carol, thanks for entering the contest. you have a nice story which i enjoyed and well-written. the only thing is, the story about a ghost's life only came towards the end, and we only get a few moments of that. one suggestion here:
[Taking] a deep breath, I filled my lungs with air. [Coughing], I remembered too late - adjust one of the gerunds:
I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with air. Coughing, I remembered too late
all the best. :)
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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hi carol, thanks for entering the contest. you have a nice story which i enjoyed and well-written. the only thing is, the story about a ghost's life only came towards the end, and we only get a few moments of that. one suggestion here:
[Taking] a deep breath, I filled my lungs with air. [Coughing], I remembered too late - adjust one of the gerunds:
I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with air. Coughing, I remembered too late
all the best. :)
Comment Written 03-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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arjuna,
Appreciate the review. Haven't been able to spend much time on the site so I apologize for my delay in responding. Thanks again..Smiles, Carol
Comment from Readywriter52
Billy's life wasn't great, but he didn't deserve to die. He was trying to get his life together. I worked in Philadelphia for a few weeks, and I saw a few people sleeping on the streets. I can't blame the people who passed by for thinking the man was drunk.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Billy's life wasn't great, but he didn't deserve to die. He was trying to get his life together. I worked in Philadelphia for a few weeks, and I saw a few people sleeping on the streets. I can't blame the people who passed by for thinking the man was drunk.
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Readywriter,
Appreciate the review. Haven't been able to spend much time on the site so I apologize for my delay in responding. Thanks again..Smiles, Carol
Comment from RobinWrites
I only hope the gentleman who died on that sidewalk was greeted by a friendly soul as was done in your story. It's a sad world we live in when something like this happens. Thanks for the tribute to a brave man.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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I only hope the gentleman who died on that sidewalk was greeted by a friendly soul as was done in your story. It's a sad world we live in when something like this happens. Thanks for the tribute to a brave man.
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Robin,
I believe with all my heart that he is in a better place and hope that all those people who just walked by can live with their conscience. Smiles, CArol
Comment from sugardog
Wow...nicely done. So sad and horrific to think that nobody would stop to help or call for help!! I don't know how you could walk away from someone in need, whatever it may be. I thought your story moved along at a nice pace and the dialogue and characters were very realistic. I wish you lots of luck in the contest. Dana
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Wow...nicely done. So sad and horrific to think that nobody would stop to help or call for help!! I don't know how you could walk away from someone in need, whatever it may be. I thought your story moved along at a nice pace and the dialogue and characters were very realistic. I wish you lots of luck in the contest. Dana
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Dana,
Appreciate the review. Haven't been able to spend much time on the site so I apologize for my delay in responding. Thanks again..Smiles, Carol
Comment from vandawalker
What a good story. It brings out the proverb about the Good Samaritan except there is none. I like how the story begins on a positive hopeful note. The man seems to have been on the downhill road but has had a nice turn around. The last part is unfortunately very sad. Thanks for sharing how a news story stirred your imaginative writing with a good lesson.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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What a good story. It brings out the proverb about the Good Samaritan except there is none. I like how the story begins on a positive hopeful note. The man seems to have been on the downhill road but has had a nice turn around. The last part is unfortunately very sad. Thanks for sharing how a news story stirred your imaginative writing with a good lesson.
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Vandewalker,
Thank you for all the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to spend much time lately on the site, and I always appreciate hearing from you. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Smiles, Carol
Comment from anabelle
Good story, Carol, and great entry for this contest. I can't believe how much you're able to write. It's fabulous and everything you produce seems to have a beautiful moral attached to the story.
Great work. Best of luck in the contest.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Good story, Carol, and great entry for this contest. I can't believe how much you're able to write. It's fabulous and everything you produce seems to have a beautiful moral attached to the story.
Great work. Best of luck in the contest.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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anabelle,
Thank you for all the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to spend much time lately on the site, and I always appreciate hearing from you. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Smiles, Carol
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No problem. I hope all is well?
Comment from bayoupoet
Carol, this is a most amazing story. It is so well written and you got so much into it in a short story. I enjoy reading for you!
sandra
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Carol, this is a most amazing story. It is so well written and you got so much into it in a short story. I enjoy reading for you!
sandra
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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SAndra,
Sorry I am so late in responding..life throws me so many curves. Appreciate the kind comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Vladilynn
Ohhh, this is really a rude scene. People don't want to get involve to nobody specially in this kind of tradegy. I might be one too, scared to death but will try to do something, maybe talk to him and say 'hang on'. This a very heartful story of a body that's dying/ghost.
Thank you for sharing and Good luck to you!
Love much
Lynn:0)
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Ohhh, this is really a rude scene. People don't want to get involve to nobody specially in this kind of tradegy. I might be one too, scared to death but will try to do something, maybe talk to him and say 'hang on'. This a very heartful story of a body that's dying/ghost.
Thank you for sharing and Good luck to you!
Love much
Lynn:0)
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Lynn,
Thank you for all the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to spend much time lately on the site, and I always appreciate hearing from you. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a very good short story. Your are definately the queen of short stories. Wonderful job with this one.
The driver waved, (period)
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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This is a very good short story. Your are definately the queen of short stories. Wonderful job with this one.
The driver waved, (period)
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Barbara,
You are definitely a great cheerleader and I always appreciate your comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from sgalletti
Wow, Carol! Great story of Billy finally going home and finding his best friend Jack and his mother again. Seems it was a world he gladly left behind. It is unfortunate that too many of our vets experience this earth (extremely well described by you) before they die, after all they have given for our liberties. Your story reminded me of one of my favorite movies "Ghost" with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. I'm working on my piece today and you have set the bar high. Sue
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Wow, Carol! Great story of Billy finally going home and finding his best friend Jack and his mother again. Seems it was a world he gladly left behind. It is unfortunate that too many of our vets experience this earth (extremely well described by you) before they die, after all they have given for our liberties. Your story reminded me of one of my favorite movies "Ghost" with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. I'm working on my piece today and you have set the bar high. Sue
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Sue,
Thank you so much for reading and for the generous comments. I am pleased that you enjoyed the story. Smiles, Carol