Comment from Mischief's Momma

Exceptional

Congratulations on placing 2nd with this poem Alvin - I have been absent from the site so much this summer that I missed it before.

A very well deserved accolade, and thank you for the notes explaining the form. It is one of the reasons that it is so illuminating to read your work.

MM

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 24-Sep-2012

Although this is terribly sad, it's one of my favorites. it shows how human beings can abuse each other and not be held responsible. That needs to be said.

Comment from Janilou

Exceptional

Al, this is an outstanding poem. Congratulations on your second place win in the contest. The rating should tell you just how much I think of it.
Awesome work.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 24-Sep-2012

Yes, although terribly sad, I like this poem. it shows how humanity can be cruel to humanity with no repercussions. A message that needs to be heard. Thanks for the exceptional review.

Comment from PoesyPoet

Excellent

Iknow just the experience you're talking about, Alvin. I know how traumatic it was for you, but look what came out of it; a wonderful work that should have been 1st. Hope you are well.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009

Thanks for a great review. I hope all is well with you.

Comment from amada

Excellent

The repetition of the phrases gives this poem. a haunting and very much, a spiritual entonation. The theme, the arresting of an innocent is sad as well. It happens much too often.

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012

Yes, I think the repetition emphasizes that God in the philosopher Whitehead's words is "The Fellow Sufferer Who Understands." The suffering of the innocent is a theme one often finds in Christianity. Thank for a great review.

Comment from Jeanie Mercer

Excellent

The villanelle is a demanding verse form, and you handled it admirably. The wrenching emotion of this personal experience comes across even more effectively because of the stark understatement in the repeated phrase: "I cried the tears of God." Good luck to you. -- Jeanie Mercer

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009

Thank you. You gave me four stars. For clarification, what do you think about the poem needs improvement? Thanks for a good review.

reply by Jeanie Mercer on 29-Jul-2009

I meant this to be five stars! Apparently I hit the wrong star without realizing it. I hope there's a way to get this changed to the five-star rating that I intended, and I will write a note right now to see if this can be corrected. Please forgive me! -- Jeanie Mercer

reply by Jeanie Mercer on 29-Jul-2009

I meant this to be five stars! Apparently I hit the wrong star without realizing it. I hope there's a way to get this changed to the five-star rating that I intended, and I will write a note right now to see if this can be corrected. Please forgive me! -- Jeanie Mercer

reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009

Yes, go the "My Menu" on the upper left hand side of your screen. You will receive a drop down bar. Go down to "My Feedback"; then click on "Reivews I Wrote." Your review of my work will come up. At the end of the review, there is bar for "edit this." Click on that, and you can go into your review and change the rating. Let me know if that works for you.

Al

reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009

No worries; it happens to everybody once in a while. You are forgiven.

Al

reply by Jeanie Mercer on 29-Jul-2009

I have corrected this! Thanks for your instructions about how to do that.
Jeanie Mercer

reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009

Thank you. I am glad to be of help. Feel free to ask for my assistance any time.

Comment from Foster

Exceptional

Alvin,
A real nice contest entry I like the flow and rhythm.
It also tells a sad story that happens all to often.
Richard

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2009

I thought you would understand; I hope you have had never to go through this. It happens to gay people far too often. Thanks for a great review.

Comment from Blue Danube

Excellent

AlvinTEthington:

This is a beautiful and real villanelle because of the subject matter.
Sadly current throughout history I imagine.
Thanks for including the author's noted explaining what writing a villanelle consists of. Wish I could give you a more scholarly review but I am not able to.
Only that I also found the situation in your poem scary and painful.
BLUE

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2009

It's even more scary because this all really happened to me. I receive enough scholarly reviews. I am on this site because I want to know what people like.
Your reviews mean a lot to me because I think you have exquisite taste. Thanks for a great review.

reply by Blue Danube on 28-Jul-2009

Thanks for sharing your personal experience of pain through The Tears of God.

I know the story only too well; both because of own experience and that of others that we often hear about. Too much unchecked power is devastating.

BLUE

reply by the author on 28-Jul-2009

Especially in the hands of the ignorant or the stupid. You understand well.

reply by Blue Danube on 28-Jul-2009

Alvin TEthington:

I think we are on the same page regarding the dangers of unchecked power in the wrong hands.

BLUE

reply by the author on 28-Jul-2009

Yes, it sounds like it. The more you write, the more I think highly of you. I am eager to review your next work.

Comment from CALLAHANMR

Excellent

Hi Alvin:)
Your Villanelle is a perfect poetic form to tell your personal story of exploitation and prejudice. The whole theme is emphasized in the repeating line which summarize your story as the final two lines;

Confined in a locked pod,
I cried the tears of God.

Who wouldn't under the circumstances?
You create powerful visual imagry to support your story.


Thank you for sharing your "Tell A Story In A Poem" contest entry. Good luck.

Roger

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2009

Thank you for a wonderful review; I truly appreciate it. I have learned the consequences of exposing the abuse of power by the people in authority. I go back to court on 17 August, and probably will be given another jail sentence. The police in the suburb in which I live hate me for exposing their corruptness, and have convinced a judge to be on their side; it's all very sad.

The judge throws me in jail, for a trumped-up charge of "drunk and disorderly" (last time he gave me thirty days!), but once I work my way up the ladder of control (which takes at least two days), someone who is intelligence smells the setup. There's never even a breath analyzer with the arrests! When the judge gave me thirty days, I was out in thirty hours. Our system is so corrupt. Thank you for a good review.

Comment from Brindle.T

Excellent

Alvin

You know by now, if I don't understand something, I'm happy to say so...I even looked up didactic...lol

I have no idea what your notes meant; I'm sure the construct of the poem fitted the remit.

The subject matter? Now that is something I know a little about, and I enjoyed it.

Thanks

Tony

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2009

In a rhyme scheme, lower case letters represent rhymes; capital letters represent repetition. Trimeter means there are three feet. In iambic meter, there are two syllables to a foot, with the second one stressed, to wit

da DUM da DUM da DUM

You might want to google "villanelle." Shadow Poetry is often extremely helpful.

Thanks for a great review.

Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr

Excellent

Hello there Poet and thought I would return the favor. I loved the style here, which you mastrered and I also loved the poem (flowed smoothly), it's message and the happy ending. Great work! Loyd

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2009

Thanks for a great review; is there anything else of yours you would like me to review?

reply by Loyd C. Taylor, Sr on 27-Jul-2009

You are welcome. See how you like "An Old Man's Prayer"
Loyd