How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Three More Illusion Crashers"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
95 total reviews
Comment from Fridayauthor
Very well done. You should teach Fiction 202 or 303.
In old fashioned theater, this early exposition used to be called the "feather duster." Two maids would open, dusting the manor house.
"His Lordship is due home today. I hope he doesn't learn her ladyship is using the stable boy as a saddle."
"And daughter Emma has been sick far too many mornings. Ding-dong, there's the bell."
Just to prove I can still be picky....too many "there's" in the following...
"Remember, I'm a manager there."
"I know, darling," she said, wiping her hands on a dishtowel and sitting again. "It's hard to believe you're still working there. You started there right out of high school."
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
  |
Very well done. You should teach Fiction 202 or 303.
In old fashioned theater, this early exposition used to be called the "feather duster." Two maids would open, dusting the manor house.
"His Lordship is due home today. I hope he doesn't learn her ladyship is using the stable boy as a saddle."
"And daughter Emma has been sick far too many mornings. Ding-dong, there's the bell."
Just to prove I can still be picky....too many "there's" in the following...
"Remember, I'm a manager there."
"I know, darling," she said, wiping her hands on a dishtowel and sitting again. "It's hard to believe you're still working there. You started there right out of high school."
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
-
Oh, and they are so tempting, so easy to fall into the trap. I wish I'd known about the "feather duster".
Comment from happykat4
Jay, thank you again!! Has this book been published? For a beginner I find more information here and spend less time looking for clues of what publishers look for and/or a reader really wants. I am sure I will make many of the mistakes along my journey, but you also will help me alleviate some of them. I would rank all of these as six, but I am only allowed so many in the week.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
|
Jay, thank you again!! Has this book been published? For a beginner I find more information here and spend less time looking for clues of what publishers look for and/or a reader really wants. I am sure I will make many of the mistakes along my journey, but you also will help me alleviate some of them. I would rank all of these as six, but I am only allowed so many in the week.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
-
I understand about the sixes, Happykat4. They go away rapidly.
Comment from Bill Schott
"Yes, Mark. There is someone else. It's the author."
I love that line. It fits so well with the point you make. This lesson on intimating background data is all about the discipline of easing out knowledge that is useful, but not the story. I suppose it is most apparent in stories that are meant to be shorter, and the author includes POWs and WAMs so we know someone is delivering an emotional jab. I think Sidney Shelton's A Rage Of Angels does a good job of slowly building the storyline to explain the ultimate disastrous ending 400 pages later.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
 |
"Yes, Mark. There is someone else. It's the author."
I love that line. It fits so well with the point you make. This lesson on intimating background data is all about the discipline of easing out knowledge that is useful, but not the story. I suppose it is most apparent in stories that are meant to be shorter, and the author includes POWs and WAMs so we know someone is delivering an emotional jab. I think Sidney Shelton's A Rage Of Angels does a good job of slowly building the storyline to explain the ultimate disastrous ending 400 pages later.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
-
Thank you immensely, Bill, for the six and for your kind, thoughtful words. I wish I had time to read a 400 pager. But I might sample some of Sidney Shelton's work. The title "A Rage of Angels" is, itself, an interest grabber, isn't it? Again, thanks.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Jay Squires,
You have very beautifully depicted the chosen theme.
Wording is simple as well as impressive having nice flow, particularly in the last quarter.
The most striking lines are:
"Above all, the reader wants to fully engage his own brain and his own heart, to let both resonate with the thoughts and feelings of those characters who are let loose in their own created world.
"And that," as dear Robert Frost would--and did--conclude: "that makes all the difference."
Interesting and Educative!
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
|
Hello Jay Squires,
You have very beautifully depicted the chosen theme.
Wording is simple as well as impressive having nice flow, particularly in the last quarter.
The most striking lines are:
"Above all, the reader wants to fully engage his own brain and his own heart, to let both resonate with the thoughts and feelings of those characters who are let loose in their own created world.
"And that," as dear Robert Frost would--and did--conclude: "that makes all the difference."
Interesting and Educative!
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
-
Much obliged, RP. I'm glad you found it instructive and an interesting read. Hope to have you along for the rest of the series.
-
Of course, Jay Squires.
I enjoy your writings, and as a matter of fact, I read them to enrich my knowledge in this field.
With best wishes,
~RP.
Comment from Selina Stambi
He wants to cavort with the characters, to laugh with them, perhaps even to cry with them... love this line. So well put.
Jay, your 'critter' patter provides invaluable information. What a great resource for all of us wannabes. Thank you!
Hope you have a great weekend. Cloudy and wet at my end.
Sonali :)
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
|
He wants to cavort with the characters, to laugh with them, perhaps even to cry with them... love this line. So well put.
Jay, your 'critter' patter provides invaluable information. What a great resource for all of us wannabes. Thank you!
Hope you have a great weekend. Cloudy and wet at my end.
Sonali :)
Comment Written 30-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
Thank you so much, Sonali, for your kindness and generosity. 100 degrees today (and I found out my air conditioning is out), so I'm writing this in 91 degree indoor temp. I've got my glass of cold Zinfandel, though, so all's well.
-
Yikes, Jay ... you must be broiled by now. Keep cool.
Comment from donalola
You are so good Jay Squires!
I read this post three times. Hopefully it gets in my head. I am trying to create a dialogue for the next chapter of Grandpa Socks and someone advised me to introduce dialogue. I am most grateful to you for this super dose of common sense.
many thanks for being here Jay!
Donalola
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
|
You are so good Jay Squires!
I read this post three times. Hopefully it gets in my head. I am trying to create a dialogue for the next chapter of Grandpa Socks and someone advised me to introduce dialogue. I am most grateful to you for this super dose of common sense.
many thanks for being here Jay!
Donalola
Comment Written 30-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
Thank YOU, Donalola! I appreciate your generous review and rating. I'm glad you're finding the post helpful
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your post. As I'm sure you already know, I am a huge fan of dialogue and keeping secrets from readers until the exact right time to release them.
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
|
I enjoyed reading your post. As I'm sure you already know, I am a huge fan of dialogue and keeping secrets from readers until the exact right time to release them.
Comment Written 30-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
I know your prowess well, Barbara. I always look forward to your posts every week.
Comment from Ekim777
I should not impose myself onto your erudite piece. We all have a story to tell and some of us want to tell it in the best possible way. To me, fine writing, when I strike it lucky, is a form of meditation but then again we do write to communicate; we poor, lonely souls. So how do we attract attention? Coleridge puts it succinctly when he wrote;
We must induce a willing suspension of disbelief. I think that says it all.
Best wishes.-Ekim777
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
|
I should not impose myself onto your erudite piece. We all have a story to tell and some of us want to tell it in the best possible way. To me, fine writing, when I strike it lucky, is a form of meditation but then again we do write to communicate; we poor, lonely souls. So how do we attract attention? Coleridge puts it succinctly when he wrote;
We must induce a willing suspension of disbelief. I think that says it all.
Best wishes.-Ekim777
Comment Written 30-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
You really know how to puff up a writer, Ekim. Thank you for your kindness and your generous rating. Bless you!
Comment from amahra
Are good ninth installment, Jay. It is a struggle not to tell the reader everything. How to show emotion without telling it is sometimes really hard until you get the hang of it. I'm in the middle of editing my 20th chapter right now. And I won't know if I got all the kinks out until I post. Good lesson, Jay. Thanks.
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
|
Are good ninth installment, Jay. It is a struggle not to tell the reader everything. How to show emotion without telling it is sometimes really hard until you get the hang of it. I'm in the middle of editing my 20th chapter right now. And I won't know if I got all the kinks out until I post. Good lesson, Jay. Thanks.
Comment Written 30-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
Thanks again, Ama, for your second crit of the day. I'm glad you enjoyed this and hopefully will fine some transference when you edit.
Comment from Janet7053
Excellent advice you have given once again. I utilized your last week's teaching of tagging a speaking character by having them perform an action while speaking that is specific to them instead of the disgusting distracting habit of saying he said/she said.
Now I wish you would crit my chapter The Day We Met and tell me how to make the dialogue intriguing.
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
|
Excellent advice you have given once again. I utilized your last week's teaching of tagging a speaking character by having them perform an action while speaking that is specific to them instead of the disgusting distracting habit of saying he said/she said.
Now I wish you would crit my chapter The Day We Met and tell me how to make the dialogue intriguing.
Comment Written 30-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
Thank you, Janet for your encouraging crit. I have your story pulled up and will take a look at it. It's not always as easy as one might think. If I start meddling with your lines, all I would succeed in doing is making it mine. The writer has a unique voice and that should be preserved. It doesn't mean you won't make some of the mistakes I point out in the "illusion crasher" chapters. But you take your characters and make them they way YOU want them. Sometimes that simply means working and reworking a dialogue scene, trying one thing and another. What can happen though is one small change can modify the remaining scene and ultimately the chapter.
I will take a look at it though.