On a Bench by the Sea
Dialogue-only contest entry17 total reviews
Comment from Mrs. KT
Good morning, Jess!
I don't know how I missed your exceptionally well-crafted dialogue narrative, but... Congratulations on penning a beautiful story of loss and love.
Realistic dialogue that resonates with me deeply as my mother also suffered from dementia.
I love the setting and the little hints that you interspersed throughout your story...
Again, Congratulations!
Best wishes,
fondly,
diane
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Good morning, Jess!
I don't know how I missed your exceptionally well-crafted dialogue narrative, but... Congratulations on penning a beautiful story of loss and love.
Realistic dialogue that resonates with me deeply as my mother also suffered from dementia.
I love the setting and the little hints that you interspersed throughout your story...
Again, Congratulations!
Best wishes,
fondly,
diane
Comment Written 14-Jan-2025
Comment from Aiona
I knew I saved some sixes for a good reason! What a lovely story in dialogue only. Even without the color-coding, I could probably easily tell who was speaking. I love the surprise turn the story takes.
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I knew I saved some sixes for a good reason! What a lovely story in dialogue only. Even without the color-coding, I could probably easily tell who was speaking. I love the surprise turn the story takes.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2025
Comment from Contests
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 14-Jan-2025
Comment from Ric Myworld
There are so many facing these battle of cancer and dementia. And sometimes, I wonder who the misfortune and pain are worse on, the sick and dying, or those who helplessly must watch and we left without them. Thanks for sharing. I wish I had a six.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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There are so many facing these battle of cancer and dementia. And sometimes, I wonder who the misfortune and pain are worse on, the sick and dying, or those who helplessly must watch and we left without them. Thanks for sharing. I wish I had a six.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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Ric, thank you so much for your kind words. Xo
Jess
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
". . . the only cure for a restless mind is the sea--as if the tides can pull away the weight of worry." - I love this line! One would imagine you are a poet, if they didn't already know that:-)
I knew something was off, his little girl being home with her mother - alone? And how did he have a young child when he sounded as though he was up there in years. I suspected his wife was dead, but I didn't expect the dementia and the "young woman" being his daughter. Until the mention of tea on the deck that went out over the ocean.
This is a poignant and well told entry for this contest, and I believe it will do well. Lots of emotion, and many will relate to the man's dilemma.
If I have any suggestion, it would be that it's a little long. You have two separate sections on how strong dad was and how he got through the day despite his pain. I think this could be contained in one section.
Otherwise, this is very good.
Happy holidays!
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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". . . the only cure for a restless mind is the sea--as if the tides can pull away the weight of worry." - I love this line! One would imagine you are a poet, if they didn't already know that:-)
I knew something was off, his little girl being home with her mother - alone? And how did he have a young child when he sounded as though he was up there in years. I suspected his wife was dead, but I didn't expect the dementia and the "young woman" being his daughter. Until the mention of tea on the deck that went out over the ocean.
This is a poignant and well told entry for this contest, and I believe it will do well. Lots of emotion, and many will relate to the man's dilemma.
If I have any suggestion, it would be that it's a little long. You have two separate sections on how strong dad was and how he got through the day despite his pain. I think this could be contained in one section.
Otherwise, this is very good.
Happy holidays!
xo
Pam
Comment Written 24-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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Pam, thank you so much. I'm honored by your review, and grateful for your suggestion. I see what you mean about those sections. I will combine them!
Thank you, my friend.
Xo
Jess
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You made me cry. Thank you. I haven't been able to cry in years. I wouldn't let myself. I figured with all the crapola I had been given I would never stop. So I decided I wouldn't do it anymore. Even though I figured out that she was his daughter halfway through, the story was so involving I hung on. Great work. Karen
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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You made me cry. Thank you. I haven't been able to cry in years. I wouldn't let myself. I figured with all the crapola I had been given I would never stop. So I decided I wouldn't do it anymore. Even though I figured out that she was his daughter halfway through, the story was so involving I hung on. Great work. Karen
Comment Written 23-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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Karen, this review means so much to me. I appreciate your kindness and encouraging words.
Xoxo
Jess
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It was a perfect piece of writing. We don't actually see that many of them. And, I am amazed sometimes that pieces I think are the best thing ever are hardly noticed, while things I knocked off in less than thirty minutes get six stars! Life is a constant amazement.
I am currently back at work trying to write a western. I have been trying for years. Wish me luck. Karen
Comment from estory
I thought this was a pretty well written exchange between two people coping with death and pain and loss, chocked full of emotion. The emotion really came through, the voice of the father seemed to be wavering, the voice of the daughter was more steady, almost like a rock in a storm. You had a nice twist in there when this moved from being a conversation between strangers and one between father and daughter. It does raise many questions in the minds of readers though. Does he have alzheimer's or something? Is the daughter humoring him here? estory
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I thought this was a pretty well written exchange between two people coping with death and pain and loss, chocked full of emotion. The emotion really came through, the voice of the father seemed to be wavering, the voice of the daughter was more steady, almost like a rock in a storm. You had a nice twist in there when this moved from being a conversation between strangers and one between father and daughter. It does raise many questions in the minds of readers though. Does he have alzheimer's or something? Is the daughter humoring him here? estory
Comment Written 23-Dec-2024
Comment from Bill Schott
This dialogue-only story, On a Bench by the Sea, is a magnificent moment in the lives of father and daughter as they move through the times of loss, confusion, dependence, independence, fear, and emotional triumph. Brilliant!
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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This dialogue-only story, On a Bench by the Sea, is a magnificent moment in the lives of father and daughter as they move through the times of loss, confusion, dependence, independence, fear, and emotional triumph. Brilliant!
Comment Written 23-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Bill, thank you so much!! Truly appreciated. Xoxo
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I got goosebumps and tears as I read this contest entry. It's perfect. Thank you for sharing it with us. WOW!!! I don't even know what to write. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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I got goosebumps and tears as I read this contest entry. It's perfect. Thank you for sharing it with us. WOW!!! I don't even know what to write. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Aw, Barbara that means so much to me! Thank you.
Comment from Jim Wile
Oh, God, Jess. This was so good. It brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye. Such a sweet story about a girl and her father who's suffering from dementia. I read this to my wife, and the tears were streaming down her face as I got to the end.
This was so well crafted, that I didn't catch on until pretty late that she was talking to her daddy. I just loved the feelings and emotions you brought to this story. I could picture this being made into a movie--a real tear-jerker of one.
I just loved it.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Oh, God, Jess. This was so good. It brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye. Such a sweet story about a girl and her father who's suffering from dementia. I read this to my wife, and the tears were streaming down her face as I got to the end.
This was so well crafted, that I didn't catch on until pretty late that she was talking to her daddy. I just loved the feelings and emotions you brought to this story. I could picture this being made into a movie--a real tear-jerker of one.
I just loved it.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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That means so much to me, Jim, thank you! Please tell Elise I am honored.
Xoxo
Jess
