The Ballad of Cain
Brother Cain being Cain.4 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hi Chip!
Thank you for submitting to the prompt this week! I do have to say that this poem does not fit the prompt because it should have been a "Magic 9" poem (the description of this is in the event listing). However, I will be happy to review your poem anyway. Just try in the future to follow the prompts that are given. *smiles*
Cain and Abel is an old story that acts as an allegory for our troubled, violent history as humans. You explain at the end very well. The idea that if siblings can betray each other, anyone can sets the mood that nothing is out-of-bounds.
I did want to comment a bit on your choices within the poem. Everyone's poems are their own expression, so my advice here can be taken or left at your discretion. You have a typical quatrain rhyme scheme of couplet pairs. The problem is that each line has a varying amount of syllables (sometimes MANY more) and this makes the poem less enjoyable to read because we do not get to the end-rhyme quick enough in some lines because they are longer. This is why poets write their rhyming lines with a matching number of syllables per line. Free verse can certainly have varying line lengths (in fact, line breaks are used to great effect in free verse), but in form poetry with a set rhyme scheme like this one, it is best to have a set number of syllables per line.
I hope this information was helpful to you! That is what we are all here for, to help each other get better.
Patrick
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Hi Chip!
Thank you for submitting to the prompt this week! I do have to say that this poem does not fit the prompt because it should have been a "Magic 9" poem (the description of this is in the event listing). However, I will be happy to review your poem anyway. Just try in the future to follow the prompts that are given. *smiles*
Cain and Abel is an old story that acts as an allegory for our troubled, violent history as humans. You explain at the end very well. The idea that if siblings can betray each other, anyone can sets the mood that nothing is out-of-bounds.
I did want to comment a bit on your choices within the poem. Everyone's poems are their own expression, so my advice here can be taken or left at your discretion. You have a typical quatrain rhyme scheme of couplet pairs. The problem is that each line has a varying amount of syllables (sometimes MANY more) and this makes the poem less enjoyable to read because we do not get to the end-rhyme quick enough in some lines because they are longer. This is why poets write their rhyming lines with a matching number of syllables per line. Free verse can certainly have varying line lengths (in fact, line breaks are used to great effect in free verse), but in form poetry with a set rhyme scheme like this one, it is best to have a set number of syllables per line.
I hope this information was helpful to you! That is what we are all here for, to help each other get better.
Patrick
Comment Written 30-Sep-2024
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
I am reviewing this poem as is but not as a club writing prompt entry since it did not follow the guidelines for the Magic 9 poem. This poem told the story of Cain and Abel is detail and was easy to read with good flow to the words and well-presented rhymes. Nice job on this poem.
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I am reviewing this poem as is but not as a club writing prompt entry since it did not follow the guidelines for the Magic 9 poem. This poem told the story of Cain and Abel is detail and was easy to read with good flow to the words and well-presented rhymes. Nice job on this poem.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2024
Comment from Begin Again
From the beginning, when the first sins were learned, it has been our fate to bear the price and to fight the battle against it. Your poem delivers that thought very well.
Smiles, Carol
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From the beginning, when the first sins were learned, it has been our fate to bear the price and to fight the battle against it. Your poem delivers that thought very well.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 30-Sep-2024
Comment from papa55mike
The curse spread to the sons and will continue until the return of our Savior. What a wonderfully written poem. Best of luck with your writing! Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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The curse spread to the sons and will continue until the return of our Savior. What a wonderfully written poem. Best of luck with your writing! Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 30-Sep-2024