His Silence
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "His Silence - Chapter Twenty One"Why did a 14 year old boy murder his parents?
8 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
This feels very spooky. The way you described Danielle's reactions make me worry for her. I don't know the background but it seems this "community" may have been some kind of cult? Of course, keeping people of opposite sex from sleeping in the same room has always been the old fashioned thing to do for propriety's sake. Callum is a dedicated friend to stay with Danielle. Hope she finds out what she's seeking about her past.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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This feels very spooky. The way you described Danielle's reactions make me worry for her. I don't know the background but it seems this "community" may have been some kind of cult? Of course, keeping people of opposite sex from sleeping in the same room has always been the old fashioned thing to do for propriety's sake. Callum is a dedicated friend to stay with Danielle. Hope she finds out what she's seeking about her past.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You are keeping up the odd atmosphere at the house as they are given places to sleep. The only thing not odd is that they won't let an unmarried couple room together. One word needs to be changed: . . . a room (all ready) for you . . .
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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You are keeping up the odd atmosphere at the house as they are given places to sleep. The only thing not odd is that they won't let an unmarried couple room together. One word needs to be changed: . . . a room (all ready) for you . . .
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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Thank you Carol, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
It seems some of her memories come back from time to time. it the memory of her and her parents racing down stairs in the middle of the are about when they left the her borther should have been with them.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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It seems some of her memories come back from time to time. it the memory of her and her parents racing down stairs in the middle of the are about when they left the her borther should have been with them.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thank you Beth, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm curious why Callum doesn't respond to Danielle's text. He seems to care for her a lot, so he would normally respond. This can't be good. I am afraid for Danielle's safety.
Callum would you like to come back downstairs with me?' (Callum, Mary is addressing him, so a comma is needed.)
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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I'm curious why Callum doesn't respond to Danielle's text. He seems to care for her a lot, so he would normally respond. This can't be good. I am afraid for Danielle's safety.
Callum would you like to come back downstairs with me?' (Callum, Mary is addressing him, so a comma is needed.)
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thank you Barbara, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Spookier and spookier! You've skilfully created an atmosphere, Jacob, that would make me want to jump in the car with Callum. But I think Danielle is suitably hooked. And, hopefully, Mary hasn't had her evil way with Callum! The tension builds. Well done! Debbie. Some suggestions below.
I'd already told Oliver half an hour (ago)
like the way (how?) Jeremiah did when we arrived (this sounds clumsy and is unnecessary I would suggest)
The way (how?) Mary (same again)
I listen (to?) out for the sound of their voices
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Spookier and spookier! You've skilfully created an atmosphere, Jacob, that would make me want to jump in the car with Callum. But I think Danielle is suitably hooked. And, hopefully, Mary hasn't had her evil way with Callum! The tension builds. Well done! Debbie. Some suggestions below.
I'd already told Oliver half an hour (ago)
like the way (how?) Jeremiah did when we arrived (this sounds clumsy and is unnecessary I would suggest)
The way (how?) Mary (same again)
I listen (to?) out for the sound of their voices
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thank you Debbie and for the suggestions as well, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
These people seem reserved on purpose, or a little bit like hotel staff. The man with wavy brown hair and the expression of pity might harken back to Danielle's losing her parents so young, but it could mean something entirely different. I predict something interrupts Danielle's night in the next chapter, especially since Callum didn't seem exhausted enough to ignore a text. But we'll see.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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These people seem reserved on purpose, or a little bit like hotel staff. The man with wavy brown hair and the expression of pity might harken back to Danielle's losing her parents so young, but it could mean something entirely different. I predict something interrupts Danielle's night in the next chapter, especially since Callum didn't seem exhausted enough to ignore a text. But we'll see.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thank you, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Julie Helms
Hi Jacob!
I'm new to your story, so totally stepping into the middle of it. I can feel a lot of intrigue here. There is some anxiety and suspense building about what I'm assuming is some unorthodox type community. You've written it well.
I had a couple things I thought were typos, but since you repeated them, I'm thinking maybe it's something dialectical with either you as the author or the characters in the story. If so, just ignore me.
1.she looks at Callum a little too frostily, like the **way how** Jeremiah did
2.The **way how** Mary said the last part of her sentence
3.I listen **to out** for the sound of their voices
I enjoyed the chapter and hope to catch more of it in the future!
Julie
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Hi Jacob!
I'm new to your story, so totally stepping into the middle of it. I can feel a lot of intrigue here. There is some anxiety and suspense building about what I'm assuming is some unorthodox type community. You've written it well.
I had a couple things I thought were typos, but since you repeated them, I'm thinking maybe it's something dialectical with either you as the author or the characters in the story. If so, just ignore me.
1.she looks at Callum a little too frostily, like the **way how** Jeremiah did
2.The **way how** Mary said the last part of her sentence
3.I listen **to out** for the sound of their voices
I enjoyed the chapter and hope to catch more of it in the future!
Julie
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thank you Julie and for giving such detailed feedback as well. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Begin Again
Coming from the girl who writes ghost stories (LOL), this sounds dumb, but you are creeping me out with these people. Something bad is going to happen, but when? Or did it already happen to Callum since he's not answering his phone? Guess I take a chill pill and wait! LOL
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Coming from the girl who writes ghost stories (LOL), this sounds dumb, but you are creeping me out with these people. Something bad is going to happen, but when? Or did it already happen to Callum since he's not answering his phone? Guess I take a chill pill and wait! LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 30-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2024
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Thank you Carol, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.