Sandra's Lover
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "A new business venture"A macabre crime thriller. Grotesque and detailed.
2 total reviews
Comment from patcelaw
Your presentation is very well done I enjoyed very much listening to it. Your sentence structure and your paragraphing are all excellent as well as your punctuation. Patricia.
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reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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Your presentation is very well done I enjoyed very much listening to it. Your sentence structure and your paragraphing are all excellent as well as your punctuation. Patricia.
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Comment Written 25-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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Thank you for your feedback. I very much enjoy your emails.
Comment from Ice Traigh
Interesting story about a couple of couples meeting up to share important information. Now since this is a random chapter that appeared in my list of things to read and review, I could be missing some context here, so my apologies if anything I mention is addressed in other chapters.
I got a good sense of who the wives were with the descriptions the author gave. A decent contrast between two different lifestyles was created there, which, to me, is like building potential energy for the story to take many different directions. The tension of the shady business deal was put together well, too.
So it was a meeting of 2 couples, but then a 5th-wheel showed up, as well? Why? The 5th person didn't add a single thing to the conversation. Although he might be an important character elsewhere in the story, there was no real reason for Mac to be there.
Also, I feel the last few paragraphs were rushed. Instead of playing out the conversation and letting us find out like the majority of the chapter did, the author just wrapped up the rest of the dinner quickly. It changed the tone and tempo of the story. Seemed like some important stuff, but it felt glossed over.
Nice work. :) edit: I felt 3 stars was too harsh. :P
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Interesting story about a couple of couples meeting up to share important information. Now since this is a random chapter that appeared in my list of things to read and review, I could be missing some context here, so my apologies if anything I mention is addressed in other chapters.
I got a good sense of who the wives were with the descriptions the author gave. A decent contrast between two different lifestyles was created there, which, to me, is like building potential energy for the story to take many different directions. The tension of the shady business deal was put together well, too.
So it was a meeting of 2 couples, but then a 5th-wheel showed up, as well? Why? The 5th person didn't add a single thing to the conversation. Although he might be an important character elsewhere in the story, there was no real reason for Mac to be there.
Also, I feel the last few paragraphs were rushed. Instead of playing out the conversation and letting us find out like the majority of the chapter did, the author just wrapped up the rest of the dinner quickly. It changed the tone and tempo of the story. Seemed like some important stuff, but it felt glossed over.
Nice work. :) edit: I felt 3 stars was too harsh. :P
Comment Written 23-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2024
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Thank you for your review. Mac is Aliss and Mark's son. The story includes chapters on her pregnancy and Macs birth. (Mark Alistair Conners the third aka Mac) I will definitely take your advice and in my revisions, expand on the dinner at the end. Perhaps add a few new tidbits for the entire story. Thank you very much!