Aiona's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 172 "A Deer Miss"Because my portfolio is too messy and I have OCD.
5 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am sure that little frog would worry about being stepped on by a deer. I never thought about it before. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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I am sure that little frog would worry about being stepped on by a deer. I never thought about it before. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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Thanks for your review, Barbara.
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Aiona,
This is a nice poem about how deer love to ruin gardens. I hear their are plants you can add to your garden to keep deer away. I think marigold is one.
The from does have the same color as the leaves. The poem can be about him to. At least the last line can be. Both frogs and deer jump.
Joan
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2024
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Hi Aiona,
This is a nice poem about how deer love to ruin gardens. I hear their are plants you can add to your garden to keep deer away. I think marigold is one.
The from does have the same color as the leaves. The poem can be about him to. At least the last line can be. Both frogs and deer jump.
Joan
Comment Written 24-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2024
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Hi, Joan, thank you for your review!
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No problem, Aiona.
Joan
Comment from GregoryCody
Well done! A proper haiku. The haiku police will get you around here lol. You have a Kigo and Satori. Great imagery and it provokes thought! Hard to do in so few words. GREAT JOB! This should be bumped to a SIX!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Well done! A proper haiku. The haiku police will get you around here lol. You have a Kigo and Satori. Great imagery and it provokes thought! Hard to do in so few words. GREAT JOB! This should be bumped to a SIX!
Comment Written 20-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Thank you for your review, GregoryCody. I appreciate that you made me Google "Kigo" and "Satori." LOL! Their inclusion in this haiku was not intentional, but I recognize what you are referring to. I will make those concepts intentional in future haikus!
Comment from Debra White
Hello Aiona :)
I enjoyed reading your haiku.
Good last line - I like the word play and it is very fitting - that little frog is well camouflaged!
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
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Hello Aiona :)
I enjoyed reading your haiku.
Good last line - I like the word play and it is very fitting - that little frog is well camouflaged!
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra
Comment Written 20-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
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Thank you, Debra, for your review. I'm glad you liked it. I ended up changing it to exclude a human. But I kept the last line.
Comment from Pamusart
Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!'
That's great artwork for this poem. I passed the test. I found the frog pretending to be a leaf. I'm not sure what he gains by that. Maybe bugs land on the leaves and he just picks him off. Zap zap zap
This is up to you.Haiku is supposed to be all about nature and not about people at all. The word I implies human rather than nature
I was wondering if you could replace I with flies. Your last line would still work because the unsuspecting flies had jumped to conclusions that there were only leaves there
So it's totally up to you, but that would make it a true haiku where there's no human interaction with nature
Oh, and I also should mention I like your poem, especially if you change it to flies. Smile
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
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Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!'
That's great artwork for this poem. I passed the test. I found the frog pretending to be a leaf. I'm not sure what he gains by that. Maybe bugs land on the leaves and he just picks him off. Zap zap zap
This is up to you.Haiku is supposed to be all about nature and not about people at all. The word I implies human rather than nature
I was wondering if you could replace I with flies. Your last line would still work because the unsuspecting flies had jumped to conclusions that there were only leaves there
So it's totally up to you, but that would make it a true haiku where there's no human interaction with nature
Oh, and I also should mention I like your poem, especially if you change it to flies. Smile
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
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Oh that's a good idea! I'll try to incorporate that somehow.