Comment from Pamusart

Excellent

Hi, Eileen

This is an interesting murder mystery. I have missed most of the other chapters but this one was clear enough.

There is not much about the killer in this chapter. It was probably in an earlier chapter that his character was developed. But still this chapter is clear

I think further development will be in future chapters.

There was a notorious mass murderer (serial killer, Ted Bundy. He would often feign a broken arm or some other injury to get a woman close to his car and the similar way that you're killer does. He'd have the woman help him to his car and then he'd take some weapon and bonk her on the head and then take off with her and eventually kill her.

Here it should be she

"the same path in the park he from one direction and her from the other."

Here. You're missing a verb

On her feet are perfectly

"stretch pants. On her feet perfectly white Nike runners"

Here. or can you stand up? Ditch the do

Or

or do you think you can stand

Best would be. do you think you broke it? Can you stand up?

""Oh my God, do you think you broke it or do can you stand up?" "

Here. It should be lying

"were 2 initials. It was laying on the ground next to the tree."

I enjoyed reading your book chapter

Good job. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2024

Thank You pam - I will fix those errors~!

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

This is a very well written, Chapter and it was very easy to listen to: your sentence structure and your paragraphing is all very excellent. May you have a wonderful weekend and may God bless you. Patricia.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2024

Thank you Patricia, you as well.