Comment from Rachelle Allen

Excellent

Ohhh dear. You've done a great job here setting up the challenge that will face him. There is nothing quite like back pain. It reminds you of its presence with every single move the body makes. After awhile, it can totally wear a person down. (Dancers have either bad backs or bad knees. For me, it was the former, so I can empathize with Brian completely!)

Should be an interesting next chapter!! xoxo

 Comment Written 26-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024

The fun times are over for a while, and he's just beginning one of those downward spirals he is prone to.

I finished writing the novel last week, and I must say writing this caused a lot of introspection for me. There are a number of similarities between me and Brian, Julia and my wife, Elise, and some shared experiences. Although I've never had a major addiction problem like Brian, I have suffered with chronic back pain too, though never as bad as his except for a brief period in 2007 when I had herniated disc surgery.

In many ways, though, I just had to look at my own life for inspiration to write this. It didn't start out that way, as I only had a rudimentary idea of the plot and no real expectations for the characters or even who they would all be. This story has taken on a direction of its own, and the characters have guided it.

reply by Rachelle Allen on 26-Aug-2024

I hear that SOOO OFTEN with our fellow writers. With the interviews I've done on here, that is the ever-present theme. When they sit down to write a chapter, its direction oftentimes surprises them. I think when a person can "let go" like that, that's when the REAL writing of the story begins.

Congrats on having finished the novel. I'll look forward to read it to its final chapter.

Also, I'm glad your back pain has been resolved. Like you, my dad had a herniated disc, and he was in excruciating pain. xoxo

reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024

Yes, when I stated writing novels, I never knew how personal they would become. I guess it's easiest to make them more believable when they are patterned after people you know, including yourself, and their or your life experiences. Otherwise, you are just guessing what people are thinking and feeling.

However, it's also fun to invent characters who are very different from yourself or people you know, even though it can be more of a challenge to make them believable. That's when it really helps to have readers who aren't afraid to point out to you when something doesn't seem realistic, properly motivated, out of character, or what have you.

For obvious reasons, it' harder for me to think like a woman, and my wife and daughter are invaluable to me in helping me, especially with my female characters.

reply by Rachelle Allen on 26-Aug-2024

You're lucky to have their input!

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Loved the icecream sundaes, and the comeback from Mum.
Testosterone madness from Brian, I'm thinking, and now he's facing the pain, once again, that left him spiralling previously. A good chapter Jim, starting with humour ending with drama. Well done, cheers.
valda

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024

Thanks very much for this perceptive review, valda. I'm glad you liked that bit of subtle humor from Mum.

Comment from Neonewman

Excellent

Damn, Jim, that was one intense chapter! My body aches from the tension. I love it when that happens. You did a brilliant job conveying the difficulty of breathing. I took notes on this, lol.
God bless,
Steve

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024

Sorry. Didn't mean to make you ache, Steve. Maybe you should take some Oxy for that?

And just when things were going so well for Brian too. He certainly has a way of causing his own problems. But I guess most of us do the occasional dumb thing. I know I have. (And my wife would probably add that it's more than just occasional!)

Comment from T B Botts

Exceptional

Hello Jim,
I liked this chapter a lot. I could see the whole scenario. I think everyone who has been reading along is wondering if he's got the necessary discipline to keep away from the drugs if the pain gets too severe. Well done Jim.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024

Thanks so much, Tom. I really appreciate that 6 too.

What do you think at this point? Does he have the discipline to resist the drugs if the pain gets really bad?

This has been a fascinating story for me to write. I have just the final chapter to write and then I will be done except for lots of editing and tweaking of the parts I haven't posted yet. I've only posted about 55% of the entire story, so we still have a long way to go until the end.

I hope it remains interesting because we get into some science in the later stages as he develops his own drug, but I try to keep it from getting too far into the weeds and hope I'm able to make it understandable and interesting and intersperse it with human interest topics. The great love between Brian and Julia will remain as a strong part of the story, but I hope you'll let me know if it's getting too far out there as far as the science goes and if there's just too much of it that isn't interesting.

I liken it to the kind of novels Michael Crichton used to write if you are familiar with any of those (such as State of Fear and The Andromeda Strain) which had a good bit of science within a human interest story. He had a way of keeping it understandable and interesting which I hope I have done as well.

reply by T B Botts on 20-Aug-2024

Hi Jim,
I'll be sure to give you feedback. Those of us who aren't scientists might get a little overwhelmed if it gets too informative. I think you have to decide if what you're including in the story is necessary for clarity and perhaps only include that which will benefit the story, otherwise, people do loose interest. So far, so good.

reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024

It's a good point, but it's a tricky issue. Some people like a bit of science because they're curious about how things work, and as long as it's understandable and not too technical, it can be enjoyable. To me, it's when you can't understand what's being said that turns me off. Then it just seems gratuitous.

Then again, there are some that don't care about any of that stuff and just want to hear about the relationships and such. This probably won't appeal as much to them, but you can't please everybody.

I guess you can always just skim the sciency parts and you won't lose anything if you don't care about those.

I know when I read certain books that have long descriptions of guns and the like, I just skim over those parts.

I think you'll be a fair judge of it, and I welcome your input if you think there's just too much science. Doesn't mean I'll change it necessarily, but I'd like to know how it's being received.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Exceptional

I thoroughly enjoyed the way you constructed this chapter, Jim. Everything was going so swimmingly and even Dr Schmidt revealed her warmer side (a great idea to flesh out her character a bit as she was getting a bit 2 dimensional. But then (when I wasn't expecting it) the disaster with the dead weights. I suffer with back issues and really felt that horrendous spasm of pain and the self reproach that followed. That magical steroid injection isn't going to last is it and I think Brian is going to be tested to the limit? Especially without Fran or Julia. And I imagine it's going to affect his temperament and relationships? The start of the relapse, impressively done Jim! Thanks for sharing. Debbie

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024

Thank you greatly, Debbie, and for that 6 too. So you have a little experience with back pain and can identify with Brian's problem.

I've also experienced back pain and had a herniated disc surgically repaired back in 2007. Also been through the rigamarole of steroid injections, rhizotomy, chiropractic, PT, prolotherapy, laser acupuncture, dry needling, etc., etc., all of which have still left me with a chronic pain in one area of my back that has never gone completely away. It isn't severe, though, or even moderate, so it's really just a minor annoyance now.

Very good prognostications about the likely results of this accident for Brian! We are halfway up the lift hill for this upcoming rollercoaster ride.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Oh yes, the one thing I like about being aware of one's character propensities, is that you realise these weaknesses are actually a strength, you figure you are dependent, there's a scripture that says God leaves our weaknesses with us, because in them He becomes strong, they level the narcissistic tendencies we own, beautifully Written Jim, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024

Brian's weaknesses will definitely become a strength in the sense that it will help inspire him to understand exactly what causes them so that he can, hopefully, do something about them. I'm not sure he would have had the motivation to do what he will end up doing, had he never become an addict. There's always a bigger picture that guides our actions.

reply by royowen on 19-Aug-2024

Yep, when I think of my life, there are important changes in my past life that has ploughed some wisdom into it, well done,

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I knew when he skipped the warm-ups, he was doomed. What's with the male ego and the competitiveness? Poor guy. I guess this is the start of how Brian starts looking into creating his own opioid.
I liked the whopper-Big Mac banter between Daniel and Brian and the "you deserve a break today" song allusion! Lol.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024

Yep, you could see it coming. This episode definitely sets him on the path that leads to his invention, though, it's still a ways off (about 12 years.)

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

A well scribed chapter. I didn't see anything that needed a second look. you have a good editing routine. You doing a great job showcasing the grown bond and friendship between the two roommates, even when bad things happen to either young man.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024

Thanks, Lance. We won't actually see a lot more of Daniel until much later in the story, when he plays a rather significant role in the plot.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Since he always has back pain, he really screwed up lifting in the first place and then lifting without warming up made it worse. I know what his experiment is going to be and wonder if he can really make the drug non-addictive.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024

Yeah, I probably would have given up weight-lifting long before this unfortunate incident, but that's just me. Young males have a lot of testosterone that often makes them do foolish things.

The drug too will have its ups and downs, just like its creator.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

With the course load this semester and now the pain back. I can see a huge problem coming. It will be interesting to see how it plays out.

I had been running a little late and decided to catch up to him by skimping on my warmup. (not good, I already see a problem)

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024

Yep, his course work is bound to suffer if he can't get this distracting pain sufficiently under control.