Rachel and Leah
Never underestimate the sisterly bond6 total reviews
Comment from Neonewman
Congrats on your second-place win, Rachelle. I like your story better as well. It seems the old bait and switch don't always work.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
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Congrats on your second-place win, Rachelle. I like your story better as well. It seems the old bait and switch don't always work.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 14-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
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No, matrimonial bait and switch sounds like a recipe for disaster. Thanks for the review! xo
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Right! It's my pleasure, Rachelle. When is the next Amish chapter coming out?
I look forward to reading it. I love the idea of two people telling their side of the same adventure.
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This Sunday, though it will be much later in the day because I'll be coming home from vacation.
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Outstanding. I love my horror, but I'm enthralled with this adventure. I'm working on chapter twelve. Dodie Rae is getting real!!!!!
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No doubt!
Comment from Claire Tennant
I love it. Your style is a realistic portrayal of a modern-day story, with normal and believable twists and turns. Congratulations! I look forward to reading more of your work
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
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I love it. Your style is a realistic portrayal of a modern-day story, with normal and believable twists and turns. Congratulations! I look forward to reading more of your work
Comment Written 13-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
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I'd love that! Thank you for this really nice review. xo
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
What a wonderful rendition of the original story. It makes the reader hang on every word. I am glad that Rachel figured out a way to outwit her father. He is a pure scoundrel. His name is misspelled in one place in the story. It is spelled, Leben.
This is an enjoyable read, and it shows your mastery of storytelling.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2024
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What a wonderful rendition of the original story. It makes the reader hang on every word. I am glad that Rachel figured out a way to outwit her father. He is a pure scoundrel. His name is misspelled in one place in the story. It is spelled, Leben.
This is an enjoyable read, and it shows your mastery of storytelling.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2024
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Thanks for that eagle-eye edit and also for the delightful review. I appreciate both AND, of course, that extra shiner, very much!!
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You are most welcome.
Comment from GregoryCody
A classic story. You did well telling it in your own voice!
Was she really cross-eyed in the Bible? That's hilarious that you put that.
And she didn't swallow THOSE. Is there a little implication of swallowing something else. Or am I looking too much into it.
I really like the way the stoey flows. Good descriptions with clothes on floor, scenery set up.
Great dialogue in that it is not forced. Very fluid. Believable.
It's also a Clever take!
I like the subject matter and this knocked it out of the park. Great job. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2024
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A classic story. You did well telling it in your own voice!
Was she really cross-eyed in the Bible? That's hilarious that you put that.
And she didn't swallow THOSE. Is there a little implication of swallowing something else. Or am I looking too much into it.
I really like the way the stoey flows. Good descriptions with clothes on floor, scenery set up.
Great dialogue in that it is not forced. Very fluid. Believable.
It's also a Clever take!
I like the subject matter and this knocked it out of the park. Great job. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2024
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I love your reviews because they're so "noticing." Um, yes, Wicked Me felt the need to put a little raunch in there, as I thought a girl so betrayed by her father would definitely want to taunt him in a way that would scorch his soul. What dad wants to imagine his daughter engaged in THAT, after all, right?
I really appreciate this.
I believe Leah wasn't cross-eyed, but rather of two different-colored eyes, and that was considered quite suspect back in those days...as in "evil forces at work." I thought cross-eyed sounded funnier. Poetic license and all that...
Anyway, thanks for all the time you took to write this extensive review. It means a lot.
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Of course!! I love poetic license haha
Comment from SimianSavant
This is great stuff. Nice to see Rachel get some vindication in this version. I always thought she got a raw deal, or rather, Leah got a really stinking good deal: mom to half the tribes of Israel, including Judah, the sole surviving tribe. Maybe we'll see this scenario played out in the future with Elon's kids starting a new religion on Mars, in the next edition of "how it could have ended."
Thanks for your awesome and creative entry in the contest, and good luck with the voters!
🦍
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
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This is great stuff. Nice to see Rachel get some vindication in this version. I always thought she got a raw deal, or rather, Leah got a really stinking good deal: mom to half the tribes of Israel, including Judah, the sole surviving tribe. Maybe we'll see this scenario played out in the future with Elon's kids starting a new religion on Mars, in the next edition of "how it could have ended."
Thanks for your awesome and creative entry in the contest, and good luck with the voters!
🦍
Comment Written 11-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
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When I saw that you were the sponsor, I said, "I want to make him proud!!" So I gave it my all. Thanks for the splendid and encouraging review! From you, that means a lot. xoxo
Comment from Tucker Hood
I think that the way you've changed this story is really quite beautiful and an interesting take on it. With that being said, I also think that the characters could use more in story development. When changing old religious tales, I think it can be more interesting to create characters that are fully fleshed out instead of just the shells that texts tend to provide us with. I hope that these suggestions help and good luck with your next piece!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
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I think that the way you've changed this story is really quite beautiful and an interesting take on it. With that being said, I also think that the characters could use more in story development. When changing old religious tales, I think it can be more interesting to create characters that are fully fleshed out instead of just the shells that texts tend to provide us with. I hope that these suggestions help and good luck with your next piece!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
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Yes, thank you.